All That I Am

I was recently taking the C-1 from East to West to take a final exam that would prove my ineptitude for science. As I sat on the bus, I began to think through my options as a traveling street performer once I’d failed out of Duke. I do love to dance. But I won’t always be able to plug in speakers. I’m not a bad mime, though… This is a bit of an exaggeration, but at any rate my pre-exam thoughts were interrupted by a loud voice coming from the back of the bus. A girl was discussing success stories from her high school with another young lady seated across from her. “This guy from my high school – turns out he was gay – he’s doing some pretty big things…” She then went on to say that essentially he had released his own publication and was now sneezing into hundred dollar bills.

That’s impressive and stuff, but not really what caught my attention. I’ll admit that I have a certain disposition, one that makes me inclined to catch the smaller details and stick them under the magnifying glass until I’ve burned out every single flaw. Ok? I know that. But I don’t think it’s totally unreasonable that I take issue with the useless appositive that mangled her friendly chatter. “Turns out he was gay,” huh? I wonder…what that could have to do…with anything related to his success…in any way, shape or form. And if it DOES, I wonder how intimately she understands it. She described him as “this guy from [her] high school” and said it “turns out he was gay,” so I’m not thinking they were super-duper close. That said, let’s assume she has no clue whatsoever as to how this man’s sexuality contributed to his accomplishments. She must have mentioned it, then…because she associates him with “Gay.” Lovely.

Alright, I don’t know what stance everyone else takes on LGBT social issues, but I have a pretty simple one on this: Sexuality should not matter to you. Gender identity should not matter to you. Gender expression should not matter to you. All that should matter to you is how incredible someone is, based on the personality, choices and achievements unique to that individual. Outside the assuredly fluid realm of love and courtship, it’s important that people are defined for what they have done for themselves.

Is this guy really only special because he achieved this while being gay, or in spite of being gay or whatever? When we make these associations and construct them as conditions to others’ abilities, we diminish them. Is this guy supposed to be admired as a gay publisher, or a strategic publisher? Is Kathryn Bigelow supposed to be applauded as a female director, or as a visionary director? Is Liu Wen supposed to be ogled as an Asian Victoria’s Secret model, or a beautiful Victoria’s Secret model? Am I supposed to be congratulated as a multi-racial Duke student, or a hard-working Duke student? The former descriptions of each individual are testaments to the perspectives of society at large, and the tendency to categorize people on the basis of appearances. The latter descriptions are where the real credit lies.

It’s true that many people of varying sexual and gender identities choose to make either or both of these central to their personal identity as well. Some find strength or power or voice in bringing them to the forefront. Not everyone does, though. Not everyone wants to make an ordeal of their identity or even their outward expression. Either way, if it’s not relevant to the conversation, why bring it up? In this venue I can only speak for myself and say that I do not want to be measured as a gay man. My worth is in my drive and my efforts as a person. My sexuality is not all that I am.