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Jamie Frevele Sells Her Legal Right to Marry on Ebay: In response to her home state of New York's rejection of marriage equality today, Jamie Frevele is selling her legal right to marry on ebay and donating all proceeds to the Point Foundation and other LGBT organizations.

Ebay item description by Frevele:

New York State has voted down marriage equality. A lot of people just don't believe all adults should be allowed to get married, usually for religious reasons, which is silly because you need to obtain a license from the state to get married, and there's a separation of church and state in this country, so denying someone the right to get married based on their sexual orientation is actually against the Constitution. The 14th Amendment, actually: Section. 1. All persons born or naturalized in the United States and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside. No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.

I'm an unmarried heterosexual woman, and since I probably won't be using my right to get married, I would like to give it away. I would like to sell it to the highest bidder and donate the proceeds to an organization that supports LGBT rights since the government designed to protect all of us is picking and choosing based on what they think is icky, weird, or unkown to them.

Bid now, and you can have my super wonderful privilege and legal ability to get married as many times as you want in a classy place like the one pictured. You don't have to know the person, you don't have to like them, you don't have to think through your decision to get married or anything - you can just do it! Because you can! Come on, it's cool to get married, and think of the pictures you'll have to show people of this person that they will definitely think is so wrong for you and probably is! But heavens to BETSY, do NOT marry someone of the same gender because that would be a mockery of the institution of marriage.

And if it doesn't work out, just get divorced. Half the cool people who get married do that anyway.

I will write you up a fancy, wonderful, articulate proclamation handing over my right to get married. I have no official documentation because this is something I was born with since I was born heterosexual. Unfortunately, this is only a symbolic gesture. However, since I'm picky and difficult, it's probably something that, if a physical object, would have been considered pristine and shiny after some dusting. Your bid, on the other hand, is real, and the donation you make to an organization that supports those who have been treated as second-class citizens will be well worth it.

I have not named an organization yet because I thought I would see if anyone wanted to join me on this journey rather than drag them into something they're not serious about, ready for, etc.

Happy Bidding!

Jamie Frevele

A Strange Encounter

After passing through an airport security operation completely run by one TSA officer, I sat down in the tiny waiting area of Manhattan Regional Airport and stared at my shoes as I tried to process all of the events of that weekend. As I mentioned in my last post, I attended the OUT & GREEK Conference at Kansas State two weekends ago. It was… fascinating, engaging, humbling, maybe even life-changing. I’m still not done staring at my shoes and processing it all though, so I’ll leave that for another post. Instead, I want to talk about an ephemeral and surreal encounter that made a perfect capstone for an already emotionally heavy weekend.

Quickly bored with my shoes and with little else to look at in the waiting area, I started to watch the x-ray images of people’s bags passing through the adjacent security area. I tried to guess what all the false-colored shapes might be, of course hoping that I would see something bizarre or humiliating. But my fun was spoiled when an old man sat down next to me and insisted on talking to me, no matter how obviously disinterested I made myself appear.

“Hi,” he said with a nod as he crossed through my line of sight to the x-ray machine. “Hi,” I responded with a polite but half-hearted smile. He sat down next to me, on the same side as the x-ray machine, and I could only think of how annoyed I was that I couldn’t look at the machine without looking in his general direction. My eyes quickly returned to my shoes, suddenly the most interesting thing in the room again.

“You go to State?”

I groaned to myself inside. I have to admit that without exception the people I’ve met on flights in the past have been interesting or pleasant, but sometimes I’m just too tired to go through the motions with these strangers. I was stereotyping this old man pretty hard. He looked to be in his sixties, and all my feelings of resentment for his generally naïve and homophobic generation began to bubble up. I was angriest that in my polite conversation with this old man, I would feel compelled to hide exactly why I was in Kansas that weekend. It’s tough to transition from a weekend of LGBT empowerment to a desire to hide in the closet. I suppose that I wasn’t afraid of admitting I was gay so much as too lazy and frazzled at the moment to stand up and be an educator for this old man.

“No, I go to Duke. I was just here for a conference at Kansas State.”

“Oh yeah. What sort of conference?”

“A fraternity conference,” I said flatly, hoping to end the conversation there.

“Oh so you’re a frat boy,” he quipped back pejoratively. I smiled at him in a “fuck you” sort of way and uttered a flat, “You could say that,” again hoping the conversation would end. Instead, he started talking about himself. He was visiting for business as some sort of consultant for the Presbyterian Church. Great, I thought to myself, he just put the P in WASP, and I bet next he’ll tell me about his wife and grandkids.

“So what’s your major?”

“Biology.”

“You know, I met my wife on my first day of biology class in college.” He went to a Methodist school.

“Oh yeah. Wow.” I said, feigning interest. I was ready to ask, “So is that the same class where they taught you that being gay is a crime against nature?” I wanted nothing more than for the plane to arrive so this old WASPy hetero would leave me alone.

Then there was a sudden change in his voice. “And 25 years later I had to tell my wife I was different, and we divorced.” Deep down, I knew where this was going, but I was momentarily blinded by the stereotypes I used to define this man.

“What exactly do you mean by that?” I asked, facing him directly.

“I’m gay,” he muttered, choking on the word. I could tell he was embarrassed, perhaps terrified. Ironically, this old man just went through exactly what I was dreading: the limbo that envelops you every time you drop the g-word on a new person, when time dilates and you await their reaction like the blade of a guillotine.

As the broken pieces of my preconceptions were falling to the ground, I felt an incredible sense of relief rush over me, and I jumped at the opportunity to end the awkwardness with a “Me too!” Then my mind lapsed to vanity for a second, and I realized that he must have already guessed that I was gay or he wouldn’t have told me at all. Is it that obvious to everyone? Do I really care?

Focusing back on our conversation, I learned that his name is Mark. He’s out to his family and they’re generally accepting of him, but his work with the church requires him to stay in the closet around everyone else (his name isn’t really Mark, by the way). Mark is 64, and when he retires he plans to publish a work of fiction that will essentially out him once and for all. (As he explained it to me, it’s basically The Da Vinci Code except Jesus hooks up with John, not Mary Magdalene).

I told him all about the OUT & GREEK conference, and I almost felt a tinge of guilt. I mean, this poor guy grew up in an environment where coming out was out of the question, where he probably didn’t even learn the vocabulary necessary to process and understand his hidden feelings. And when he finally did come out, he had to experience first hand the devastation of AIDS on the gay community. And there I was trying to sell how important it is to improve the experience of LGBTs in Fraternities and Sororities. I told him about my boyfriend of two and a half years, about being out for two years, and about being accepted in my college community and in my fraternity. Talking to him was like looking at myself in another universe. Our conversation naturally turned to how much the LGBT movement has progressed in the last 40 years. I cited the recent New York Times feature called “Coming Out in Middle School,” and told him that I feel like my own struggle to come out is being made obsolete by the next wave of gays.

He said one last thing to me before we boarded the plane and sat separately: “You know, looking back, wishing that I had come out earlier, I really have to ask myself whether I’d be willing to give up the three kids that I had with my wife.” I certainly don’t know how to answer that question, but I'm happy that I don't have to.

As I looked out the airplane window and saw the tiny airport disappear into the vast nothingness of Kansas, I resolved to stop trying to make sense of what had just happened. Instead, I simply basked in the overwhelming realization of how fortunate I am, and fell asleep with an uncontrollable smile on my face.

Coming Out Story #3

[Ed. Note: Every Wednesday, we collect a coming out story and post it here, anonymously. They can be long or short, devastating or hilarious or boring or somewhere in between. The stories can be gathered in person or digitally - even using our "submit anonymously" link on the sidebar! If you'd like to send one in, email us at bluedevilsunited@gmail.com. If you don't feel like writing, we can meet in person, too, (ignore this PSA) and I'll transcribe your story here. Just let us know.]

It was finals week in tenth grade, so we got to leave school right after our test. I went to my friend's house down the street with a bunch of people to hang out for the rest of the day. Everything was going great until my mother called the house I was at (this was before we all had cellphones) and just said "I'm coming to pick you up."

Oh?

From her tone of voice and withholding of any reason why I had to leave early, I suspected that someone had died. I have old grandparents, and thought the worst. But I was assured that everyone was "okay" and everything was "fine" (though we all know what that means). I hung up, and almost immediately realized what was up. I ran to my friend's computer and confirmed the worst: that I was not idle on Instant Messenger.

I had stayed logged into my Windows account on our family computer and furthermore had left up all of my AIM conversations. Including the one I had with [Shannon] the night before where, uh, I said some pretty explicit things about one of our straight friends, [John]. I basically outlined some pretty violent sex that I wanted to have with him and frequently used the words "fuck" and "brains out." This has happened to the best of us, right? ...Right?

Okay, so I was a horny kid. Sue me.

So at this point I knew that my mother had read this (mortifying, in case you couldn't figure that out), and she was on her way to confront me over it. Awesome! This is exactly how I always saw my coming out unfolding.

She picked me up and we went back to my house in silence, and I was led to our computer room. We sat.

...

"I don't like the language you use on the internet. It's inappropriate."

Wait, really? Phew. I could handle a lecture on swearing. I'd done this a thousand times before, as I am a big fan of curse words. I simply sat there and absently agreed to never say these things again. Ever again. Can I go now?

"Are you gay?" she blurted.

Fuck. Shit.

There was really no way out (it's Puns Week on Our Lives) of this one, as the evidence was stacked up against me quite a bit. Straight guys do NOT say the things that I said. I had to come out. So many grandiose, articulate ways to do this! I could turn this into a real Lifetime movie. A Glee moment before there even was such a thing. Instead, because obviously I hate myself, I went with

"Duh!"

Yup. "Duh." That's the best I could do. That's what I came up with. Instead of Kurt from Glee I went with George from Seinfeld ("Jerkstore!"). I think I blacked out after that because I don't remember too many details (I was busy starting years of regretting my diction in that moment). I do know, though, that mom was more than accepting. Thrilled, actually. Probably because her years of having me lip-sync and dance Mariah Carey songs had paid off.

* * *

I guess looking back I don't entirely hate that that's how things went down. It forced me to come out, which had to happen at some point. It actually saved me years of perseverating and agonizing over how best to go about it. Mom knew then, but it took years until I was comfortable enough to talk about it. Which wasn't that bad. It was a pretty good arrangement where I knew she knew, and that she was The Best about it, but I was allowed to really come out on my own time.

But fuck, what an embarrassing, messy way to go about it.

"I don't think you should be sleeping over [John]'s house this weekend."

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Will Gay Troops Get to Join the Debate About Their Own Service to America? Nathaniel Frank, author of "Unfriendly Fire", discusses the importance of the proposed bill that would allow gay service members to testify openly at Congressional hearings regarding "Don't Ask, Don't Tell".

"Congressman Alcee Hastings, Democrat of Florida, has just introduced a bill with 27 co-sponsors to allow gay service members to testify openly at Congressional hearings about "don't ask, don't tell." Rep. Hastings authored the bill to ensure that the national debate will not be stacked against those most affected by the current gay ban. Without explicit protection, gay troops could be fired for sharing their views and experiences with senators and representatives, since current law calls for discharging anyone who says they are gay. ..."

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Rupert Everett's Advice To Gay Actors: Stay In The Closet: I can't decide whether this is just a really sad truth, or the kind of thinking that keeps us all from pushing for change, an acceptance of the status quo as stronger than our own will.

Personally, I prefer Meredith Baxter's newfound take on celebrities coming out.
...

"At 50, the 'My Best Friend's Wedding' star says that homophobia in Hollywood has kept him from becoming a leading man. He says that heterosexuals are cast as gays (pointing to 'Brokeback Mountain' and 'Transamerica') but gay men are denied the plum straight roles and often reduced to drag.

'The fact is that you could not be, and still cannot be, a 25-year-old homosexual trying to make it in the British film business or the American film business or even the Italian film business," he said. "It just doesn't work and you're going to hit a brick wall at some point. You're going to manage to make it roll for a certain amount of time, but at the first sign of failure they'll cut you right off. And I'm sick of saying, 'Yes, it's probably my own fault.' Because I've always tried to make it work and when it stops working somewhere, I try to make it work somewhere else. But the fact of the matter is, and I don't care who disagrees, it doesn't work if you're gay.'

Everett does admit that his openness about his sexuality has afforded him personal happiness if not professional success. He's glad he's not one of the "plenty" of gay Hollywood stars still stuck in the closet."

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Amazing Speech on Marriage Equality: New York State Senator Diane Savino makes some very compelling statements on marriage equality.

PLEASE share this with friends, family, and everyone else who is important to you.

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Washington's statewide vote for full domestic partnerships is official: "It's official! Governor Chris Gregoire and Secretary of State Sam Reed certified the election results on Tuesday. The new domestic partnership law will now go into effect at 12:01 a.m. Thursday, December 3. There are currently 13,082 people in registered domestic partnerships in both same-sex couples and opposite-sex couples where at least one partner is 62 or older. Washington state registered domestic partners are now fully equal to their married peers under Washington state law."

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GA elects 1st black out lesbian state legislator, 1st Asian out gay man to Atlanta City Council: Wow! This is awesome! Today has been such a mix of good and bad news.

From GayPolitics:

Great news tonight from Georgia. Voters there have elected the first openly lesbian African-American state legislator in the United States, and Atlanta voters elected the first gay man and first Asian-American to the city council.

Simone Bell, a Victory Fund-endorsed candidate, won a runoff election to represent Georgia State House District 58. She becomes the second openly LGBT member of the Georgia State House, joining Rep. Karla Drenner. Both are from the Atlanta area.

...

Meanwhile Atlanta voters elected the city’s first gay man, and first Asian-American, to the city council. Alex Wan, a Victory Fund-endorsed candidate, will represent District 6 after winning his runoff election tonight. He currently works as the development director of Jerusalem House, Atlanta’s oldest and largest provider of permanent, supportive housing for homeless or low-income individuals and families living with HIV/AIDS.

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Meredith Baxter Comes Out On the Today Show: Oh my god, Elyse Keaton is gay! This just adds fuel to sooo many childhood fantasies... And here I was thinking that Alex was supposed to be the lesbian.



Aside from my long-held torch for the perfect tv mom, the news here is this:



Meredith Baxter, who played Elyse Keaton on the popular 80s show "Family Ties" came out today as a lesbian. Baxter, who has been married three times and has four children, is currently in a relationship with general contractor Nancy Locke, and joins a growing group of women coming out later in life.



"I want to say that, I'm not a very political person. I've done political things before, but it's been brought to my attention that this is a political act, even though that's not what it feel like to me. It just feels like personal exposure, and it's uncomfortable. When my understanding is that so much research has been done that says that if anybody knows someone who is gay or lesbian, then when they are addressing gay or lesbian issues, political issues that affect their rights, they are less likely to vote against them, to take away their rights. So, if you knew me before, and you cared about me before, I'm the same woman. I'm the same mother to all these children, and if I can be that lesbian you know now, ok, well if I vote this way then that, that actually might affect this person I know, that Meredith."



Well said Ms. Baxter.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

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New York State Senate Votes Down Gay Marriage Bill: The State Senate defeated a bill on Wednesday that would legalize same-sex marriage, after an emotional debate that touched on civil rights, family and history. The vote means that the bill, pushed by Gov. David A. Paterson, is effectively dead for the year and dashes the optimism of gay rights advocates, who have suffered setbacks recently in several key states.