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Prom Canceled Due to Lesbian Couple: An Alabama high school prom has been canceled following a lesbian student's request to bring her girlfriend. Cynthia Stewart, a 17-year-old junior at Tharptown High School, asked her principal for permission to bring her girlfriend to the prom and was told no. The principal then forced Stewart to remove a sticker she was wearing that read “I am a lesbian” and told her she didn’t have that much freedom of speech at her school.

“Mommy, can you help me tie my shoes? Oh…and by the way, I’m gay”

How young is too young to come out of the closet?

Unlike a lot of the contributors to this blog, I wasn’t out when I arrived on campus as a freshman. Far from it. I thought about coming out immediately after setting foot in Durham, you know, following the ever-popular doctrine that college is a new life, a new start, where you can be a new you. But that’s not how it worked out for me. I was much too shy and too insecure around all of the new people I was meeting to actually be myself, and eventually by the beginning of my sophomore year, I had let so much time fly by that I thought it became too late to explore that side of me. I was already set in a group of fantastic friends, I was doing well in my classes, and I didn’t want to disturb this seemingly perfect existence.

However, it was after months of feeling stuck in a rut, of that constant internal nagging and, as pathetic as it might sound, seeing my friends go out and hook-up and/or begin to have romantic interests (because we all know these things are sometimes mutually exclusive) that I realized that if I wanted to be happy, I needed to come to grips with whatever was holding me back from admitting to myself and everyone I knew, that I was gay. And so finally with one month left in the school year, I told my first friend the truth about my sexuality at, ironically of all places, Sirens Lounge (a lesbian bar in Durham, for those of you who are unfamiliar). The floodgates began to open and eventually I had informed everyone who was important to me, including members of my family, that I was, in fact, a gay man (because, like the slogan for Pringles goes, once you pop, you can't stop).

I must admit, that after I did this, I felt emboldened, empowered, and unthinkably confident. I had done what I thought was the impossible and was so proud of myself for taking the leap which would allow me, after so many years of struggling, to finally begin living my life. In some instances, I wish it hadn’t taken so long, but I don’t regret that it did. By the time I was ready to come out, I was mature enough to have had a complete understanding of who I was, and the type of person I wanted to be, and I think for the most part, what I went through has made up a large part of that understanding. And in a way, I’m really happy and at peace with that. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and without a doubt, the internal hardships and questioning that I faced throughout my teen years were an important part of my development.
After acknowledging this, however, I began to wonder what my life would have been like if I had decided to come out earlier. Twenty years ago, the fact that I came out at nineteen would have been extremely bold, but now it seems, kids as young as 10 and 11 are taking hold of their sexuality and coming out in some cases before they even reach middle school. Benoit Denizet-Lewis’ recent article in the New York Times discusses exactly this phenomenon. With the rise of media attention given to gay issues as well as the increasing depiction of gays in popular culture (with my personal faves being Cam and Mitchell from “Modern Family”…sorry, but I felt the need to plug a truly remarkable, yet under-appreciated show), now more than ever, young adolescents are finding the courage to open up to their friends and families the feelings they harbor towards members of the same gender.

Much like the author of the article, my initial reaction was that these kids are just far too young to even begin entertaining these thoughts, and again much like Mr. Denizet-Lewis, I wasn’t sure exactly why I felt this way. I mean, on the one hand, this realization and announcement at such a young age means that these children are already thinking about themselves as sexual beings, which I find just…HORRIFYING. Furthermore, I can’t even imagine how the conversation between these kids and their parents goes. Is it at the playground? While they’re getting help on their pre-Algebra homework? Or does it go a little like the title of this post?

But most of all, I think my initial negative reaction came out of pure shock. If it took so long for me to come out, how are these 12, 13, and 14 year-old adolescents able to do it?!

Of course, the other side of the emotional turmoil this article practically threw me into, was that of complete and utter happiness. I was so overjoyed for these kids, that they were able to recognize the fact that they have a voice of their own and that they can exercise it to make their parents and their peers aware of who they really are. Furthermore, the fact that these kids have found a safe haven in their communities with friends, families, or local community centers is also a wonderful signal that the heteronormativity so heavily enforced by society is finally starting to erode, another thought I couldn't possibly be more thrilled with. I can only hope that the actions of these children will eventually tear down the traditional assumption that everyone is straight until they state that they aren't. However, despite all of these positives, I think it is also vital to understand what is going on here in the realm of the point I brought up earlier in my own coming out saga.

Ultimately I do believe, as I think everyone should, that coming out is always a good thing. However, in the end, I also believe that it takes a deep level of understanding of who you are as a person as well as a sense of maturity in order to do so. It’s important to realize that no matter how progressive the area is that you live in, by coming out, you are labeling yourself, and I think it takes some form of self-identification to handle some of the pressures that LGBT people are still facing today. An understanding which I’m not sure a middle school student can have. Between bullying at school or the bullying in national politics, or the constant facing of stereotypes, or being judged because of who you love (I could go on, but this could get depressing), I'm just not convinced that middle-schoolers are adept in navigating the harsh realities of the world. But I don't know, maybe if more and more of these youngsters are coming out, eventually they'll have a large enough voice so that these issues no longer matter or even exist.

Then again, that could just be wishful thinking :)

But I don't know, you tell me…what are your thoughts on the subject? Is there such a thing as too young to come out of the closet? And what implications do you think this might have on the future of gay leadership? It seems that today, many of the most successful and prominent LGBT activists came from backgrounds where they had to keep their identity a secret, and in dealing with this struggle, became advocates for the LGBT cause and the fight for equality. But now that our future generations are seemingly skipping this important moment of inward reflection, are they as equipped to face the struggles and fight for equality with the same vitality and dedication? I certainly hope so...

Coming Out Story #1

[Ed. Note: Every Wednesday, we collect a coming out story and post it here, anonymously. They can be long or short, devastating or hilarious or boring or somewhere in between. The stories can be gathered in person or digitally - even using our "submit anonymously" link on the sidebar! If you'd like to send one in, email us at bluedevilsunited@gmail.com. If you don't feel like writing, we can meet in person, too, (ignore this PSA) and I'll transcribe your story here. Just let us know.]

I was 13 or so, I think, when I first realized I was to be gay. Let's call it the first revelation. I wasn't sure what it meant at the time, but I knew it bothered me greatly. I cried and prayed and tried to figure out what being gay meant, particularly as a Catholic. I was sure I had screwed something up to end up this way. I was certain, too, that it was reversible--that I could simply figure out what I had done wrong and somehow undo it.

I spent the next six years attempting to reprogram my sexuality. In retrospect, I'm really just glad I didn't have access or knowledge sufficient to truly screw myself up too badly. I'm not easily discouraged, though, and I kept trying until just after my freshman year here at Duke. After an emotional discussion with my ex-girlfriend, I came out to her.

The second revelation was harder-earned than the first. I think all those years of active denial were necessary to get there, as well as my 12 sleepless hours of thought, prayer, and reflection.

You always hear about how people talk to God. And I'm a reasonably faithful person, or at least I try to be. I had just never personally believed that God actually communicated with people (did they hear some sort of boomy voice in their heads? What was this all about?). I've tried to rationalize away what happened, but the quote I was given, or that I heard, or whatever happened, just didn't seem to be anywhere else. Its wording (and its meaning, at the time) was clear. "I have made you exactly as you are, and I have made you completely beautiful."

Love is one of the hardest things for me to accept--whether from God, from others, or even from myself. It's just uncomfortable to know that someone could love those parts of you that you've spent your whole life trying to change. I don't want people to love the dark, ugly, uncomfortable, and sinful within me. I want them to want me to change it. Some days, anyhow.

It's only been two years or so since then, though I can scarcely believe it myself. Lots of things have changed. Lots of things haven't. I've accepted some of those words given to me. I readily identify as gay. I'm reasonably comfortable talking about it to family, friends, people whose names I still can't remember, and even strangers. Love, though? I still can't accept that.

I've stopped counting the revelations. It's kind of an overly dramatic way to think about knowledge, anyhow, I think. I have to admit, though, I'm not entirely comfortable with everything. I think sometimes I still want to find better arguments against homosexuality within the Church because, somehow, then, if it were okay for the Church to hate me, it would be fine for me to hate myself.

I guess I'm saying that oppression doesn't just come from society. It can come from so many places--from news media, family, religion, or the worst place: from within. Personally, I have enough trouble not despising certain things about myself that I just don't have time to hear hateful or discriminatory things elsewhere. So I don't. Maybe that's why I feel like I've never been discriminated against--if I hate myself first, maybe others won't. Maybe I just won't notice it when and/or if they do.

That sounds pretty bleak, though. Life is good. I'm generally happy and I don't get self-hating all too often. I have amazing friends and a supportive family and community, even if the family isn't entirely comfortable talking about it. Coming out is, as they say, a continuous process, and not everyone is comfortable with it. Oh well, I guess. Why should I have to justify or argue about the way I am with people? I'm gay. I didn't have a choice in the matter. That's that, and this is me.

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Frank: DADT repeal to be rolled into 2011 defense bill: ..."Frank said in an interview with the Blade that repealing the 1993 law barring gays from serving openly in the military would happen as part of the fiscal year 2011 defense authorization bill..."

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Fort Worth City Council Meeting Sees Protests, Expansion of Anti-Discrimination Ordinance to Cover Transgender People: The Fort Worth City Council later voted 6-3 to expand its anti-discrimination ordinance to cover transgender people. It already covers people on the basis of their sexual orientation.

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NY Senate has promised debate on gay marriage in 2009: Flanked by four members of the State Senate Democratic majority and the leader of New York's LGBT lobby, Governor David A. Paterson announced an agreement by which the Senate leadership has, for the first time, agreed to debate and vote on a marriage equality bill before the end of 2009.

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What the Gay Boycott of the DNC Can Do: Thoughts by HuffPost blogger Emma Ruby-Sachs on the boycott of the DNC:

"There is a gay boycott of the Democratic Party afoot, and it has the potential to turn into something that leads to real change in American politics. I'm not selling hope here, but I can't help but feel it when I see the momentum gathering behind AMERICAblog's "Don't Ask, Don't Give" campaign..."

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Salt Lake OKs gay rights laws with Mormon backing: The Mormon church for the first time has announced its support of gay rights legislation, an endorsement that helped gain unanimous approval for Salt Lake city laws banning discrimination against gays in housing and employment.

"The church supports these ordinances because they are fair and reasonable and do not do violence to the institution of marriage," Michael Otterson, the director of public affairs for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints said.

Passage made Salt Lake City the first Utah community to prohibit bias based on sexual orientation or gender identity. Under the two new ordinances, it is illegal to fire someone from their job or evict someone from their residence because they are lesbian, bisexual, gay or transgender.

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NY Senate fails to put gay marriage to vote: After weeks of uncertainty and pleas for action by Gov. David Paterson, New York's Senate failed to vote on a bill legalizing same-sex marriage during a special session Tuesday.