"Boys Don't Kiss Boys"

Over Thanksgiving break I relished in being able to see my friends from high school as often as possible. After having successfully wolfed down two turkey drumsticks, sweet potatoes, squash pie and of course, hummus (what a meal would be like without the Middle Eastern staple at my house, I shudder to think) I went over to my friend Brit’s house in order to partake in some late night debauchery, where I am always assured to be welcomed by her mother and six-year-old brother, Blake.

Brit and I were just having a conversation, when Blake happened to walk into her room. At that point I decided to play with him while I continued having my conversation with Brit, although understandably, we had to temper our topics of discussion. I took part in games such as “Big Meal Café” where he takes my orders and shuttles between rooms to serve me my requested meals (future husband, are you listening?), looked up different cars on the internet and talked about different breeds of dog he wanted his mother to buy him. He loved playing with me so much, he wouldn’t let Brit and I have any true conversations of our own. As I spent time with him, however, I couldn’t help but admire Blake’s precocious nature: his inquiring mind constantly questioned the nature of things around him, and all too often, his grasp for complex issues never ceased to impress me.

When we finished playing I gave him a pat on the back, but he quickly winced with uneasiness. I had seen his sister and mother do the same thing though, how was what I had done any different? It couldn’t be because he felt uncomfortable with me. Not only have I been in Brit’s home more times than I can count, but we just had the greatest time playing “Big Meal Café”, perhaps the greatest restaurant-simulation game ever invented (© Blake Lippman). At that point, he looked at me and said “Do you know why Adam Lambert got in trouble on the TV? It’s because boys don’t kiss boys! I don’t let boys touch me”

Well, I can confidently say that what I had done was not predatory in nature, and at six years old, he doesn’t know that I am gay. Blake followed his quip with, “You know, if a boy in my class said he was in love with me and he wanted to kiss me, I would say to him, NO!”

To evince the matter, I wasn’t expecting a resurgence of kindergarten gays and allies to pop up and give a clear explanation as to how being gay, for lack of a better term, “works”. However, it made me realize that no matter how precocious Blake may seem, he still lacked the knowledge to understand how some social norms are revealed to be more complex than originally taught.

Can we really explain away Blake’s comment as child homophobia? Of course not. But his quick response begs the question, how do we, as liberals, progressives, allies, gays, however we like to describe ourselves, expect children to understand the intricacy of homosexual relationships? In a country that is increasingly tolerant of gay people on their neighborhood streets and on their television sets at home, is it fair to try and make children understand such a complex issue at such an early age? When does childhood naïveté end and homophobia begin? The slippery slope of trying to change a child’s current understanding of the world, as it seems to make sense to them, poses questions of whether trying to teach the term “gay” is important in ensuring that the term is not only ubiquitous, but also, socially understood. When we hear conservative pundits pose the notion that we must “protect our children from the increased toleration of the homosexual agenda from our children” is there really something here to consider? This question creates a bigger issue for those of us who plan to have children of our own.

I don’t suppose Blake will be “homophobic” for too long, especially in the household he grows up in, and especially if I have anything to do with it. It is interesting though, to see how a more understanding society will cope with the increased visibility of gay people in all facets of life and how this acceptance will be reflected in children. As for now, all I know is that those lessons will not be taught at this year’s Super Bowl. For that, you will still have to wait.

Movie Review #2: Get Real

[Ed. Note: Every other Tuesday, Ari will be reviewing gay-themed movies. No, not those kind (ask him in person for those reviews). I swear by his judgment in films, and you should too :) ]

During my coming out process in high school, I was guilty of popping in a movie from time to time in order to watch a film that showed how other gay teenagers worked through their angst, confusion, fear and all of those other crazy feelings that compounded themselves into a single thought. Get Real was definitely one of those films that were able to embody that dramatic confusion in a gay adolescent’s life that helped me understand that I wasn’t alone (I also happen to be a sucker for films that include a high school jock, can you say husband material?).

The film, directed and written by Patrick Wilde, was an official selection at the 1999 Sundance Film Festival and plays off of the high school roles that tend to characterize and divide us while we play that petty game called the “high school experience”. The story revolves around a boyish teenager, Steven Carter (Ben Silverstone), who has known he was gay since he was 11 years old and continues to be harassed by the high school athletes for his more flamboyant attributes. Although Steven is comfortable with his sexuality, he isn’t sure that his parents and peers would be, and so the only person he tells is his best friend Linda (Charlotte Britain). One day after school, Steven has a run in with John Dixon (Brad Gorton) the high school all-star (isn’t it funny how it always works out that way? It’s never the ordinary jock, it’s always THE star athlete) and pursues a sexual tryst that turns into a relationship hidden from the public.

Perhaps not all of us have herded sheep with our unexpected lover on the mountainside a la Brokeback Mountain (not to say that it isn’t a dream of mine), and Get Real understands the realistic and everyday hardships of being a closeted gay teenager in high school, whether that person is in the spotlight or cast aside as a mere outlier. The story, however, allows us to see how those who were once thought of as insignificant can rise above the social sphere to make a difference in the levels of acceptance we hope to gain from our parents, teachers, administration, etc. During a time when people are at the mercy of their parents’ will, it’s interesting to see how teenagers can become the voice of reason to the adults in their lives.

Get Real is a terrific movie that relies on its humor to avoid victimizing the main character for pity, and instead celebrates the courage of one boy and his impact on an entire community. The best character by far is Linda; her quick wit and frumpy demeanor elicits the most hilarity and her role as a fruit fly (synonymous for another commonly used phrase in the gay community) is truly unparalleled by anyone else in gay cinema. This movie should be watched by anyone coping with the coming out process, or just hoping to look back on those perplexing years with a laugh or five. A-

Movie Review: The Bubble

[Ed. Note: Every other Tuesday, Ari will be reviewing gay-themed movies. No, not those kind (ask him in person for those reviews). I swear by his judgment in films, and you should too :) ]

A film's ability to separate politics from the universal struggles of its characters can be considered its finest achievement. In Eytan Fox’s second gay-themed film “The Bubble” (Ha-Buah in Hebrew), the director hopes we as an audience do exactly that; put ourselves out there and perhaps gain new perspective by leaving our politics at the door. “The Bubble” is certainly as politically charged as it gets, tackling such issues as the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, gay love, and naïve activism. Although in the foreground of the story, Tel Aviv plays a vital role in establishing the ever-growing liberal mindset the city has instilled in its people. The title refers to the fact that this city has become isolated, in recent years, from the turmoils and civil struggles between Jews and Palestinians that occur just outside of its borders.

When Noam (Ohad Knoller), who works as a reserve officer in the Israeli Defense Force, leaves his ID at a Jerusalem checkpoint, Ashraf (Yousef Sweid) arrives at his apartment to return the card and the two strike a bond instantly that of course, spills over to what you would expect. As the two continue to meet on and off (Ashraf oscillates between Israel and the West Bank) Noam’s roommates Lulu (Daniella Wercer) and Yelli (Alon Friedman) set up a drug infused protest to object the current occupation in Palestine and to promote peace in the region.

The movie juxtaposes the norms both outside and inside Tel Aviv to show the inner workings of the two characters. While Noam lives the easy life within “the bubble”, Ashraf deals with the everyday pains of being closeted from his parents and older sister. Here, we continue to see how nearly indiscriminate geographical boundaries lend to a much more complex war on values. The beauty lies in the film’s ability to tackle issues in a way that doesn’t seem to undermine one side or the other, and yet provides an active voice against homophobia that doesn’t seem forced or overdone.

On a more political note, however, “The Bubble” tends to fall under this childish notion that peace can be achieved through an organized rave on the beach. Although the prospect of a protest full of ecstasy-riddled twenty year olds has much to be desired in terms of efficacy, the director wants the audience to believe in the purity of the cause. The reality of the conflict is displayed in both serious and comedic interludes throughout the film, and yet maintains the level of earnest you would hope to expect, both in the depiction of the relationship between Noam and Ashraf, and the conflict that continues to keep men like them apart. B+