Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks or hate speech. Feel free to submit your thoughts and questions :)
So! Lots to talk about.
So! Lots to talk about.
The post from last week is still down. This is because we are still organizing this review committee, and making sure that it is diverse as possible. Like I said in my last post, if you want to be a part of this, email bluedevilsunited@gmail.com. I think the goal will be more to develop concrete guidelines of community standards and respectful speech, than to review every comment or post we get. Ideally, a tone'll be set for the blog, and things'll get a lot easier from there.
With this said, and with the committee not formed yet, I'm going to be a little strict until then to be on the safe side. I think what I wrote captures just about everything I mean by respectful discourse, and what it entails for me. It would be superhelpful if Commenters could just try their best to speak from their own experiences, not make blanket statements about groups of people and especially entirely avoid derogatory language. As long and awesome as a comment may be except for an inappropriate part, I will probably employ a one-drop rule (which is a phrase that has its roots in the most racist, embarrassing times in American history and thus not The Most Appropriate Thing to use (Ever.), so sorry for not finding a better way to express this) when it comes to moderation.
Anyhow! Phew. That's out of the way and is something we'll never have to address again ever, #amiright?!
In other news the Center's first discussion group of the year is being held tonight at the Center from 7-8. I'm co-facilitating this, and more than anything I want a wide variety of people there. I know there are many LGBTQA people who would never come to the Center ever (many for ideological reasons), and as stupid and paradoxical and naive as this plea may be, I think their presence tonight would be really awesome. That is what this is for! Also, historically, the discussion group has been a venue for those who aren't out or don't feel comfortable with the visibility that comes with going to the Center, BDU events, etc. And it is still that, because confidentiality is pretty much The Most Important Thing tonight.
Anonymous posts for the week, yo.
#1
I love, love, LOVE this blog. that is all.
#2
The response at today's meeting to the harshness of typical cyber-banter elucidated what I felt was a crucial, underlying issue. Namely, making a negaitve post live took precendence to the issue of exaclty where the negativity originated. I mean, yes the blog post was catty. I probably would not have posted it either. That's why I'm posting today: here's my attempt to show that people who don't support the center are rational, thoughtful, human. We're just as gay as you are. Take this for what you wwill, but after having witnessed this for two years, now, I have something I really would like to say. I think it might even help, if you actually read it. Listen: I choose to be with straight AND gay people too, all the time, and not segregate myself from a population. I can be who I am without surrounding myself with others like me, or making it instantly obvious that I'm gay, or hanging a rainbow flag out of my window. I hate flags, anyway, of any sort; besides, gay people aren't a nation. I philophize and throw frisbees, I play an instrument and sing in the shower, I care deeply for the environment, I write and eat and dream; I do all of this, though, because I'm me and not because I'm gay. That's the problem, I feel with the center. It pretends to be something it shouldn't be: a way of life. I avoid the center because, frankly, I have too much work to waste time dressing up the act of trying to hook up with people. The "Center" is no more central to the lives of the large proportion of gay people you guys don't even know about than you are; it's all well and good that you guys like what you do, but stop. I don't like the center, I don't like seeing rainbow flags around campus, I don't like hearing my name called in absurdly flamboyant tones. Come out of your rainbow sized prisons; smell the fresh air, it's nice.
#3
I don’t even know where to start. First, I have to say that I am so happy that Duke has such a thriving and amazing LGBTQ community. Second, I hate to say that I truly wish I could be a part of it, but I honestly just don’t see myself doing this anytime soon. This is my first year at Duke and I couldn’t have picked a better school. I’m happy with my friends so far, content with the social life the university has provided, and I’m even enjoying (most) of my classes. I even have a girl chasing after me already … man, I think I would have an amazing life if I was straight.
First of all, I truly don’t think I would be writing this right now if it wasn’t for my ex-boyfriend, whom we had to break up due to the distance issue. I am not out to anyone except my best friend back home, my other best friend turned boyfriend turned ex-boyfriend, my two older siblings (although they still deny that I’m like this), and the people I meet when I venture out in gay clubs and other places back home. My ex and I had an amazing friendship; he came out to me September of senior year in high school, and I came out to him the following month. Feelings started to become attached to our friendship around April, and we started going out this past summer. Needless to say, I was heartbroken to have my both my best friend and my boyfriend torn from me all at once due to distance. We broke up, told each other the lovey-dovey crap, and went our separate ways. It was less than a week ago that he told me he had met this other guy and they had already done “things” together (we told each other we would tell each other everything even after breaking up). To put it lightly, it is very easy to find gay people in my hometown due to its size. I was devastated – I didn’t talk to him for four days … I couldn’t believe it was so easy for him to just move on like that. Here I am now, feeling confused, hopeless, and feeling so, so lonely even as I am surrounded by my peers on a constant basis.
I feel like I have nobody to talk to … I wish I could have that one friend over here that I could just tell all my problems to and they would understand me, not judge me, and I could just truly be myself. The thing is, everyone here assumes I’m straight. The way I act, the things I do, the way I talk … it’s all very “straight,” although I hate saying it like that because I’m not the type to generalize actions or people into categories. The fact that I make out with girls during certain parties and that girls like me doesn’t exactly help my situation either. Sometimes I wish I would behave a certain way so that people would just assume I’m gay. Don’t get me wrong, I actually do like kissing girls and having fun (although when it comes down to more sexual interactions, I’m really prude) … even though when I kiss a girl I close my eyes and imagine it’s a guy, and even more sadly, my ex-boyfriend.
I know that if I came out to some people I’d be that much closer to being happy, I just don’t know who. I know that the Center would help me a great bunch, even though I hope that I’m treated less like a patient and more like a human being, if I ever decide to get the balls to visit. I know what I should be doing, what I shouldn’t be doing … and I know what I’m doing is what I shouldn’t be doing and what I’m not doing is what I should be doing … but I don’t have the courage to step forward and be a man when it comes to this.
I’m just confused. I don’t know what to do anymore. I just want to be happy. I just want to be free.
P.S. I’m very sorry this is so long, I definitely didn’t mean it to be this long. :/
Posts
7 comments:
#3 -- That's not creepy at all. Since I don't know who you are, I'll have to leave it up to you to talk to me. But if you want to, know that I always enjoy good conversation.
"I'm going to be a little strict until then to be on the safe side." aka you will be censoring hard core. Surprise me and post this.
only three anonymous posts this week? maybe the censorship bit really is a bad look...
how can i "like" the three comments above?
hey #3 I'm a freshman in a pretty similar boat so let me know if you ever want to chat or anything
I think it's really heartwarming that people who aren't necessarily comfortable going to the center are now using this blog to meet each other! Awesome!
#1: Thanks for reading and contributing! :) I love it, too.
#2:
Right. Well, I truly hope that during the BDU meeting and in anything I've written afterward I never conveyed that "people who didn't support the Center" were not "rational, thoughtful, or human." Because that is just not a true thing, I agree!
I'm not sure if this anonymous post was written before my essaything went up, but I feel like I addressed this there. Where it's not really fair to tell anyone to not do something they want to do that isn't really hurting anybody. I'd also challenge the assumption that those who are active in the Community don't have straight friends (or aren't straight themselves).
And I feel like I cannot do this point justice in a comment, but I'd regret not pointing out the distinction between the problem with stereotypes and the non-problem of being stereotypical.
#3:
Whattup.
The assumption of straightness can be superawkward and uncomfortable, I hear you. That's pretty much the story of my first coupla months at Duke, and ugh. I guess I could have just obviated it, like you said, but I just didn't know how to. And it was really intimidating. I eventually just surrounded myself with straight girls (or at least that's how they were identifying at the time lol). And they were great and all, and I was out to them, and they were certainly sympathetic but I was missing the empathy that I think I was starving for more than anything.
I wish I had gone to the Center sooner. It took me a year+ and the motivation of catching the attention of somebody that I knew was going to be at this one event (sketch of me, no doubt). But once I had met this Community and began to interact with it more and more, it was just perfect for me. Conversations were just easier and a lot less energy had to be spent explaining things, because Everyone Else already knew where I was coming from. And I also realized that I wasn't the only one on campus who was struggling with a lot of things (and I mean, I had been out for years and comfortable with it and all) that I was. I didn't see myself represented in the paradigm of Duke Culture, and that was disheartening. I mean, statistically, it was illogical for me to assume that I was one of four gay kids on campus, but to find out first hand that I wasn't alone was really just... nice.
And no, the Center isn't for everyone, and you might be like, "effff thisssss." It looks like a bunch of people above me have offered friendship on more of a one-on-one basis, which might be a little less overwhelming. Add me to the list :)
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