To #4:

I always look forward to reading the anonymous posts on the BDU blog. They’re almost always incredibly enlightening and I think I come away with a new perspective on our community with each week’s set. As many others have said, I think the blog has an absolutely fantastic readership base.

An anonymous post (#4 in the most recent series here), particularly spoke to me this time. This poster speaks of how their excitement of their first Fab Friday at the Center quickly turned to disappointment. Expecting to make new friends and to be welcomed into the community, this person was completely ignored and excluded from the existing groups. Disenchanted, they left soon after.

Sadly, this is not the first time this has happened to a new visitor to Fab Friday or the LGBT Center. Often it is the reason that people are hesitant to stop by. It’s something that we all need to shoulder responsibility for too – I was at the last Fab Friday and didn’t talk to this person, for which I am truly sorry. Echoing what Chris Perry wrote, we can’t forget what it’s like to be shy or new to a situation – especially when we’ve been part of a group for so long.

In fact, my first experience with the LGBT Center was not altogether dissimilar to this poster’s. During the months leading up to my arrival at Duke, I had researched the LGBT resources and groups on campus and was well aware of the first Fab Friday event. Building up my confidence to actually go along was a whole other story however. Having finally resolved myself to attend, I took the long inside entrance to the LGBT Center through the West Union. (There was no way you were getting me to walk through a door that so flamboyantly proclaimed ‘DUKE CENTER FOR LGBT LIFE’ in plain view of the Plaza. You may as well have asked me to perform drag through the Marketplace.) My hands shook and my heart pounded as I pushed the door open. (I apologize if this sounds like a bad crime novel.) The first person I met, Janie, was as welcoming and inviting as she could be – she and Chris [Ed. Note: Purcell!] truly deserve a lot of praise for how they make new-timers feel welcome. In contrast however, the main room full of people was extremely intimidating. I knew no one, nor was I approached by anyone and within five minutes I was standing awkwardly beside the table of food. The sole consolation was that the cupcakes were amazing.

Like so many other students, I’ve been fortunate enough to have had some extremely positive experiences with the Center, Fab Fridays and the Duke LGBT community despite my first awkward experience. But it is so important for us to remember that there are many people who have not had good experiences, or are intimidated by even the prospect of visiting. It’s all too easy to forget that others exist once we feel comfortable in our own established groups and cliques – this is definitely something that I’m guilty of. This is particularly true for the LGBTQ community, where people may already feel uncomfortable expressing or promoting themselves, even without the additional difficulty of breaking into new social circles.

So, #4, I want to praise you for your courage for coming to Fab Friday for the first time. I truly am sorry that your experience turned out not to be what you hoped. But I am really glad that you decided to share it with us, because it is so valuable for everyone to be aware of this issue. I really hope that you will come back to the LGBT Center, Fab Friday, or a BDU event and that you have a much more welcoming and positive experience. I really hope you’ll become a part of our community, because we’d love to have you. I know I’m going to make more of an effort to reach out to newcomers and I know that so many others in our community will too. For everyone reading, I want to challenge you all to speak with someone who you haven’t met, who’s new, or who seems shy, the next time the opportunity arises. It’s a cliché, but it really can mean a whole lot for that person.