Every Gay Should Know #2: Gay Media Pioneers Bert and Ernie

[Ed. Note: Every Tuesday, we highlight an event, figure or tidbit of gay culture. Topics will range from the Stonewall Riots to Bea Arthur. Harvey Milk to the etymology of “fag.” Personally, just about all of these fall under “Everybody Should Know” for us. Bea included. This week's EGSK is late, making me the first person on the staff to not meet a deadline. This is just the sort of thing I want my staff to see me doing.]

Bert and Ernie are one of twelve Muppets that Jim Henson developed for the now 40 year-old television series Sesame Street. Though only briefly appearing in the pilot episode, the duo's segment tested best in focus groups and it became immediately apparent that the show should heavily feature them as stars. Bert and Ernie made their television debut on November 10, 1969.

They've been paving the way for homosexuals ever since.

That Bert and Ernie are in a long-term, committed gay relationship is proven and well known, or as Sesame Street's PR people put it, "Bert and Ernie... do not portray a gay couple, and there are no plans for them to do so in the future." Mere semantics.

Let's discuss the facts. These two "single" men are living together in an apartment on Sesame Street. Bert and Ernie sleep in separate twin beds, but these are located in the SAME ROOM. It is worth noting that not once has either complained about how small their mattresses are. Presumably, this is because the beds are arranged such that they can easily be pushed together to form a queen(s)-sized bed when the cameras stop rolling.

Even if these two guys are simply straight best friends that just haven't found the perfect woman, why are they spending all of their free time together? Fishing trips and vacations to Egypt? C'mon. Lovers.

Also, why would two heterosexual men choose to live together on Sesame Street of all places? Though we are never told just how to get to Sesame Street, we do know that it is somewhere in New York City. If you're on a non-numbered street in Manhattan and you see an establishment called The Furry Arms (a "hotel"), you're probably in The Village. Spend some time observing the indie guys who walk into the local thrift store Finders Keepers, and you'll see what I mean.

Sesame Street has exactly zero to offer straight men.

Say what they will, but writers haven't exactly kept Bert and Ernie's sketches free from [not-so-] subtleties. Is there no reason why there is an oil portrait of Bert and Ernie in their living room?

...and in their bedroom?

No, seriously, let's talk about this because this is bothering me and I think it's important. These are not photographs, nor are they pencil or chalk. These are PAINTED portraits. Using rates around my home in Patchogue, NY, this would have cost at least $2000 (I'm not even going to go into the fact that they're framed, too). So you mean to tell me that these two completely platonic heterosexual men spent over $2000 to have a portrait painted of them... and then commissioned ANOTHER for $2000 more? Sure. Normal guy stuff.

The rest of the home decor doesn't exactly keep the two puppets closeted, either. So many lamps and armchairs! I'm also sure that most straight men don't even know what valances are let alone would think to feature them on their windows. Two breeder men living together would also not keep the apartment that clean. Let's be honest.

I truly don't know how this is ambiguous for some, especially those in the community. Even if one were to successfully refute all of the things I've mentioned above, the sheer abundance of bananas in Bert and Ernie skits should be enough to realize that they are meant to be gay men:

I propose we celebrate the presence of these openly (as far as those lace curtains and I are concerned) gay characters on our TV screens. Homosexuals were not exactly popular on basic cable at the time, but Bert and Ernie fabulously broke the heteronormative mold. I consider them wholly responsible for the success of Will & Grace and Kurt on Glee. They are the Jackie Robinsons of gays in mainstream media, and it should be recognized that as a result were made to endure the same intolerance and adversity as all other social pioneers. Said Rev. Joseph Chambers in one of his radio shows in 1994:

Bert and Ernie are two grown men sharing a house and a bedroom. They share clothes, eat and cook together and have blatantly effeminate characteristics. In one show Bert teaches Ernie how to sew. In another they tend plants together. If this isn't meant to represent a homosexual union, I can't imagine what it's supposed to represent.

I agree, but contextually he was making his case to have the characters banned. Haha, all kidding aside, if they've pissed off some right-wingers then we should be honoring them gay OR straight. Good for them.

Every Gay Should Know #1: Maine's Question 1 Ad Campaign

[Ed. Note: Every Tuesday, we highlight an event, figure or tidbit of gay culture. Topics will range from the Stonewall Riots to Bea Arthur. Harvey Milk to the etymology of “fag.” Personally, just about all of these fall under “Everybody Should Know” for us. Bea included.]

On May 5, 2009, the Maine House of Representatives passed “An Act To End Discrimination in Civil Marriage and Affirm Religious Freedom” – a bill that would allow same-sex marriage in the state. The proposal had already been approved by the state Senate, and needed only to be signed by Governor John Baldacci in order to become law.

Baldacci signed the bill the next day, and the law was set to go into effect September 14, 2009.

Barring some sort of crazy intervention, of course.

Paperwork to launch a people's veto campaign was put in by Reverend Bob Emrich on May 7. Leading the opposition to gay rights would be the comically ironic "Stand For Marriage Maine," a Catholic Church-sponsored organization. The group hired the same public relations company that was successful in overturning gay-rights with Proposition 8 in California last November. With over the 55,087 signatures needed (almost double that, actually), Stand For Marriage succeeded in putting the issue to ballot on November 3, 2009 (the original Sept. 14 date was subsequently pushed back).

Ultimately, same-sex marriage was narrowly repealed in the state with a 52.8/47.2% split.

* * * * * * * * * *
No doubt the most angering facet of the Maine debate and subsequent election was the outcome. Proponents of gay rights were left overwhelmingly disappointed and surprised (figure 1) at the results.

figure 1: wtf?

However, perhaps just as mind-blowing were the tactics being used by Stand For Marriage Maine. Their ads would have been embarrassingly inaccurate and misleading if they weren't somehow effective. Most of their campaign revolved around the perception that somehow gay marriage (and voting "No" to Question 1: "Do you want to reject the new law that lets same-sex couples marry and allows individuals and religious groups to refuse to perform these marriages?") would lead to "homosexual marriage being pushed on Maine students." Because that is how sequitur arguments work.

Haha. I'd like to point out that the scare tactics being used here involve the words "Kissing and Hugging" next to "Gay Sex." It turns out that I've been having gay sex with several family members for years.

I would also like to invite everyone to post in the comments section what they think the scripted stage direction to Jen was at (0:22) in the second video.

But eek! That's what what was happening in Massachusetts after gay marriage was allowed four years ago? That sounds scary. I just hope that that NPR soundbite wasn't taken out of context.

(1:58) Tovia Smith: But many teachers say they're less afraid now since the high court decision legalizing gay marriage. Deb Allen teaches eighth-grade sex ed. in Brookline. She keeps a picture of her lesbian partner and their kids on her desk and gay equality signs wall. Allen says she's already been teaching a gay-friendly curriculum for nearly a decade, but she says she does begin this year feeling a bit more emboldened.

Deb Alen: In my mind, I know that, 'OK, this is legal now.' If somebody wants to challenge me, I'll say, 'Give me a break. It's legal now.'

Whoops, she was a sex education teacher. Right, forgot to mention that. We would not want to risk the passage of a gay-rights bill emboldening our sex education teachers to teach about sex. Or answer questions about sex. Guhroossssss!!!11 Asked by the state's Education Commissioner to evaluate the legitimacy of this fear, Maine Attorney General Janet Mills had this to say:

"I have scoured Maine laws relating to the education of its children for any references to marriage in the public school curricula," Mills wrote in her opinion. "I have found none."

This should end things, right? That sounds pretty definitive and convincing from an Attorney General. Obviously, the logical thing for Stand For Marriage to do is to apologize for the confusion when they completely made something up. As full-grown mature adults in positions of power, and not a group of petulant fourth graders, they believe in respectable discourse on the issues at hand.

Just kidding:

Ugh. This couple. The Worthlins? More like the Worstlins, am I right? It turns out that they conveniently moved into this Lexington district, fully knowing that there was already a pending lawsuit against the school for their anti-bias curriculum. They filed papers to join this suit a week after moving there.

Paul Ash, Lexington School District superintendent, told the [Bay Area Reporter] that the district had made several attempts to appease the Wirthlins and accommodate their religious convictions, but that he "came to the conclusion that they had no intent on settling. At the attempt to mediate prior to the case it was abundantly clear that the Wirthlins and Parkers had no intention of coming to a compromise, that they wanted a public fight. I only saw political campaigns and religious vigils. I never saw any evidence, not even a hint, that there was any intention on the part of these families to work out an agreement."

Holes in their facade of "unwitting victims" did not take long to appear. They were already members of MassResistance, which has been called an "anti-gay hate group" by the Southern Poverty Law Center. They're also related to the key political strategist for the Mormon Church in their efforts to destroy gay marriage, Dick (so perfect) Wirthlin. So yeah, I guess it is so weird that they would find themselves in this progressive school district (I do not guess it is so weird that they would find themselves in this progressive school district). The Wirthlins should team up with Richard and Mayumi Heene and go to Hoax School together.

To reiterate what I said before, though: as laughable and misleading as these ads are, they were ultimately successful. I hope that if you didn't before, you know now the sort of arguments and people that pro-rights activists are dealing with. Perhaps we should stoop to their level of outrageous, barely tangential statements: our angle will be that gay marriage can save the economy. Oh wait.