Nonentity- Consistently Falling Under

[In addition to all of our awesome visible and identifying columnists, we also have some awesome anonymous columnists that for one reason or another must use a pseudonym (and pseudopic?). Details on anonymous columnists here.]

“Bisexuality is a choice,” he said.

A choice? How?

Do gay men choose to be attracted to men? Do lesbians choose to be attracted to women? If you asked them, I’m sure the majority would say, “No, I was born this way” or, “No, this isn’t a choice.” And I believe it isn’t. Why would anyone choose to be a minority? A minority often not respected by the whole, a minority struggling for rights and respect and acknowledgement. No, if anything there is nothing to gain (especially not in this day and age) from being gay, bi, lesbian, etc.

Bisexuality isn’t a way for me to be “gay, but less gay” than others, nor is it way for me to have a broader catalogue of selection, and it certainly isn't a way for me to be a slut and over-indulge in the carnal pleasures of life (in fact, I’m a strange combination of asexual and bisexual, mainly because I’m content without dating/relationships and do not actively seek them). I can’t give a reason for bisexuality, but to me it’s merely attraction to both men and women. The same way a heterosexual is attracted to the opposite sex and the same way a homosexual is attracted to the same sex. Perhaps it’s different for others. Perhaps other bisexuals chose to be the way they are, but I sure as hell didn’t. I’m just attracted to both men and women. I can’t explain how or why, but I am. Why can’t people just accept and acknowledge that?

Of course, I’m not expecting everyone to accept and acknowledge the fact that bisexuals exist. My parents… well, specifically my mom, is the kind of person I’d expect this sort of shallow thinking from. She’s convinced that the only two lesbians she knows—who are a couple—are just playing some sort of game and aren’t really into one another and are looking for husbands even though they live together and are raising a son… Yeah, shallow thinking. I wasn’t expecting much from here granted where and how she was raised (I’ll save the topic of my family for another post).

My parents, together, weren’t too accepting of me when I came out to them. I couldn’t really read them at the time and we never talked about it after that night. I was too surprised/shocked to bother with wondering about what they really thought and they were too confused. Why? Because I had said the word “bisexual”. They spent the majority of the time trying to figure out why I “was repulsed by men” (their words, not mine. I like men!) and it didn’t take me long to realize they didn’t believe bisexuality existed. I felt cornered with nowhere to go—at a loss—and there was no way I was going to tell them I was borderline asexual. I knew coming out to my parents needed to be handled swiftly and simply and I wasn’t going to complicate matters and prolong the event.

I haven’t really run into this topic again until coming to Duke. My roommate even explained to me her difficulty in grasping bisexuality when we discussed it and I’m not too sure she even believes that bisexuals exist. I sometimes wonder what she really thinks I am, but I don’t really care much. And then again, this hit me at the first BDU meeting, when Stranger-I-Didn’t-Know was asking those attending what they identified as. She asked if there were gays, lesbians, and transsexuals, (and probably more, but my memory is terrible) attending the meeting, leaving out bisexual. And then asked later, “Those who didn’t raise their hands, what do you identify as?” And then, it happened again this final time when a gay male friend of mine was talking to my roommate about homosexuality. His tirade about how “bisexuality was a choice”…

I don’t know. Maybe I’m looking too hard into this. It’s easier to notice (and perhaps extrapolate) prejudice when you fall into the minority. Maybe it’s nothing. Maybe others see the same opposition around and I should just ignore it. I’m not mad about their opinions and disbelief, just perplexed by it and curious as to whether other bisexuals have experienced the same thing; people constantly disregarding their sexuality. Whatever the case, I am what I am. I’m bisexual (for lack of a better blanket term); bisexuals do exist.

Queer women in literature: Virginia Woolf (1882-1941)

[Small spoiler note: I tried not to include any huge spoilers about the plot of Mrs. Dalloway, but I did include a few excerpts about the relationship between Clarissa and Sally Seton.]

This semester I decided to take my first English class at Duke, and so I signed myself up for “English131S: Topics in a Single British Author – Virginia Woolf”.

I have to admit that I signed up for the class because there was a single line in the syllabus that said we’d be discussing her views on sexuality. As someone who wrote openly about her relationships with women and men, Virginia Woolf has been retrospectively labeled as a bisexual author of the early 20th century. Our instructor, Professor Sarah Nuttall, confirmed this fact, noting that Woof’s relationships with women are extremely well documented, particularly one with Vita Sackville-West, a fellow English author and poet.

Both Vita Sackville-West and Virginia Woolf were members of a literary circle called the Bloomsbury Group, which discouraged sexual exclusivity. The two married women had a long romantic affair, and Woolf’s novel Orlando (1928) was later called “the longest and most charming love-letter in literature” (according to Vita Sackville-West’s son). Published in 1928, Orlando was considered one of her best novels and is a story about a young man who awakens one day to find himself in a woman’s body.

Anyone looking to read about lesbian, bisexual or transgender women in early 20th century literature should definitely consider giving Virginia Woolf a try. While she’s not the most accessible author (she drops key moments in her plots between parentheses and in the middle of long-winded descriptive paragraphs), her stylistic qualities make her worth all of the effort.

Having just finished Mrs. Dalloway for this class, I can easily say that Woolf’s depiction of the relationship between Clarissa Dalloway and Sally Seton is by far the most eloquent romantic relationship between two women that I have ever read about in fiction. Within the first thirty pages of the novel, the protagonist, Clarissa Dalloway remarks on her wondrous relationship with a woman:

“Yet [Clarissa] could not resist sometimes yielding to the charm of a woman, not a girl, of a woman confessing, as to her they often did. And whether it was pity, or their beauty, or that she was older-like a faint scent, or a violin next door (so strange is the power of sounds at certain moments), she did undoubtedly then feel what men felt. Only for a moment; but it was enough. It was a sudden revelation. Then, for that moment, she had seen an illumination."

When I first read this paragraph in Woolf’s novel, I was floored. I felt like I could have written this-not in terms of the quality, but the context. It seemed very similar to my own coming out experience, or perhaps anybody's:

"The strange thing, on looking back, was the purity, the integrity, of her feeling for Sally. It was not like one’s feeling for a man. It was completely disinterested, and besides, it had a quality which could only exist between women, between women grown up…the charm was overpowering, to her at least, so that she could remember standing in her bedroom at the top of the house holding the hot-water can in her hands and saying aloud, ‘She is beneath this roof…She is beneath this roof!'"

Perhaps something equally remarkable about Mrs. Dalloway, is that it was a best-seller. I had no idea that a novel published in England in 1925 with prominent same-sex romance throughout the work (5 of the main characters are implied to be LGBT) would be so well-received by the public at the time. Today the book is still immensely popular, making TIME magazine's 2005 Top 100 novels list. I have to wonder what kind of political or social undercurrents the novel might have brought with its publication, considering the equality it demands for same-sex romantic attraction:

"But nothing is so strange when one is in love (and what was this except being in love?) as the complete indifference of other people."

Equally exciting about the novel is that it is highly affirmative of same-sex relationships between women. The stereotypical portrayal of LGBTQ women in older literature is that if lesbians do exist (which they rarely do), one or both of them ends up depressed, desolate or dead. Nevertheless, Woolf’s portrayal of Clarissa Dalloway’s relationship with Sally is largely positive, perhaps more so even than any of Clarissa's relationships with men:

"All this was background for Sally. She stood by the fireplace, talking, in that beautiful voice which made everything she said sound like a caress. Suddenly she said, ‘What a shame to sit indoors!’ and they all went out on to the terrace and walked up and down. Peter Walsh and Joseph Breitkopf went on about Wagner."

And of course…it’s just beautifully depicted as well:

"She and Sally fell a little behind. Then came the most exquisite moment of her whole life passing a store urn with flowers in it. Sally stopped; picked a flower; kissed her on the lips. The whole world might have turned upside down! The others disappeared; there she was alone with Sally. And she felt that she had been given a present, wrapped up, and told just to keep it, not to look at it – a diamond, something infinitely precious, wrapped up, which, as they walked (up and down, up and down), she uncovered, or the radiance burnt through, the revelation, the religious feeling!"

Personally I think that if you want to read empowering literature about LGBTQ women in fiction, reading Virginia Woolf if you haven't already is a great idea. I had actually tried to read Mrs. Dalloway two different times before this class, and I always stopped by page 10 or 20 because she's really difficult to get into. ("Plot" isn't her main focus-description is.) For me, being in this class and knowing ahead of time that Woolf writes equally about same and opposite sex attraction was a huge motivator to get through the novel.

"But this question of love, this falling in love with women. Take Sally Seton; her relation in the old days with Sally Seton. Had not that, after all, been love?”

Anonymous Posts (5.17.10-5.23.10)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks or hate speech. Feel free to submit your thoughts and questions :)

This summer continues to be The Summer of Chris as I spend more and more days not doing civil engineering at the HRC. For those curious about what a typical day is like, when I get there in the morning, I first do not design a sidewalk. Then, just before lunch, I do not design and mix a batch of concrete. The rest of my day is spent not finding neutral axes.

It is truly a dream job.

After work today I met up with Vivi, who is The Greatest, and took her to this great Mexican restaurant I found this week called "Chipotle." I think a Glee party with the other Dukies may be in order tomorrow night. Community, come visit us!

Anyhow! Sorry these posts are up superlate today. I was busy fighting for my civil rights and those of millions of other people (clearly this job has not gone straight to my head).

#1

I am excited and I am anxious to begin my next four years at Duke. I have no desire to live life in the closet any longer. But easier said than done? How do I present myself to a new community as a gay member? Will I just become known as the gay kid? Perhaps if I wait until later, until people get to know. But then will I do? Can I tell them? And how much more time of my life will be spent as a lie? I am a straight acting guy, and no one really questions my sexuality. I have begun to wonder, however, if this is really who I am. Did society force me into this ideality of how a man should act? Did I shun my true self so far down into the darkness that I can't even recognize it? I am gay. I know that, but I have never said it. I cannot bring myself to say it, let alone to another person. I hope that at Duke I am able to live happily with myself, and discover my true identity.

On another note, not that this has been very linear, I have been considering that when (if?) I am an open gay man. How will I begin to see/date other gay men. Starting with my freshman year of high school, I had a "hook-up buddy". He was a year older than me and went to the same high school (he is actually the brother of my one best guy friend, which made for some interesting nights spent over there). We never really talked, just hooked up. I have never even kissed a guy; nor have I never had sex, but everything in between I suppose. I have never dealt with actually dating or getting to know a guy. I do want to hook up at Duke. I want to have fun and I want to meet people, but I feel like I won't know how to actually connect with someone. Does this make me superficial? Or just like any other college guy?

In short, I am confused. I am confused as to who I am and how I will live my life at Duke. This post has been a messy stream of consciousness with too many rhetorical questions, but I have never actually talked(or written) about this before. I just hope I can be happy with myself at Duke.

#2

Hi community,

You don’t know me yet, but you will soon, and I want to pick your brains.

First, I’m a woman, and I think I’m bi.

I think I accidentally dated a girl once, who I think was also bi, but wasn’t ready to go there. I mean when we stopped living together I called it a breakup… that was one of my first signs. (what timing). Also, it was a little complicated because I was engaged at the time, but when I started questioning and then realized that I’d been cheating on him, honest to God unknowingly, and with a woman, for several months, and he’s not a bad guy but also not particularly sympathetic with the LGBT community, well that broke down real fast.

I’m still questioning, but I think it’s a pretty good indication that sometimes I find myself thinking about kissing breasts while my boyfriend goes down on me. But what if I’m actually a lesbian? I don’t know. Honestly, I don’t know. I’ve blamed some confusing sexual reactions in my recent past to abuse in my far away past, and now I have no idea.

And I think I might need to spend some time with a girl to figure it out.

The problem is, I’ve been dating someone new and I really love him. We’ve recently moved in together and he is the most open and understanding ally I’ve ever met in my entire life, not to mention a smart and wonderful and loving person. I’m toying with the idea of forever. We’ve talked about my sexuality situation and he said he might be secure enough in our relationship a few months down the line to set me up with one of his bi/lesbian friends, but I don’t really believe him. I think he would do it but it would hurt him too much, honestly, and he is not by any means one of those guys like Katy Perry’s boyfriend who won’t take cheating as seriously if it’s between two women. (Thank God. Can we please stop supporting that, culture?) Anyway.

So, my questions to y’all are these:

Do you think you can know definitively about your sexual orientation without experience to back it up?

Even if you can know, is it important to get that experience?

Why can’t I stop thinking about it? Do you have any suggestions?

Love.

#3

So I’m approaching my month of being uncloseted! I’m so excited about this day approaching. To be honest after I came out I told my friends that I wanted a “Coming-Out” party! I still plan on making that happen and I want “I’m Coming Out” by Diana Ross to blast over the speakers. I just want to celebrate my accomplishment. I wrote my mom a letter, inspired by a friend’s letter to her mother, and I sent it to her over facebook. I kept asking myself as I was writing it, “Are you sure?” “Life will be changed after this forever”. I was also listening to “Listen” from Dream Girls. (I’ve yet to see the movie, but I love that song). My soul straightened up and said I’m coming out and I finished the letter. I even attempted to preemptively answer the questions that my mom would have at the end of the letter. I posted it and clicked “enviar” (send, my facebook is in Spanish). I was out. Well not right away my mom would have to read the letter..but several other things happened. I called my grandparents to let them know what I did, and my grandma pleaded that I told her I was kidding... I waited a day and my grandma went ahead and told my mom. While waiting this day, I told my friends what I had done, and received all of their support. I was out. No more hiding in closets...No more lying to mom about what I’m doing!! I can now be more specific about what I do at Duke! I felt free. My soul felt free. My entire being felt marvelous, amazing, alleviated, healed, repaired, liberated, astonished, amazed, shocked, scared, flustered, and incredulous! It was the most unique experience I’ve ever had in my life!! I’m out!!!!!!!!! I’m OUT!!! I’M OUT!!! I told myself this, and each time I felt like I was taken to a different level. My mom is now asking who I’m dating but I have a feeling she is telling all the family relatives, so now it is going to be awkward when they approach me and say...so I heard through the grapevine your gay. But lately my mother has been having conversations with me about the birds and the bees. She states, “When you were young you didn’t like suppositories or enemas, how do you think a man will be?” What she fails to understand is that, being a child, you don’t think of adults like that...well not at the age of 3 or 4. So that bothered me a bit that she was trying to rationalize my sexual preferences. But I told her same rules applied before I came out. I’m not telling you about my First nor what positions were tried. That’s gross mom, well gross to talk about with your own mother.

Eric Fürst

[In addition to all of our awesome visible and identifying columnists, we also have some awesome anonymous columnists that for one reason or another must use a pseudonym (and pseudopic?). Details on anonymous columnists here.]

I tend to squirm uncomfortably in my seat when someone inquires point blank about my sexuality, and not because I’m bashful. It’s just that I have to make a quick decision, and it usually depends on: how drunk I am, how long I want the conversation to last, and the hotness of the person asking. In some cases I’d rather be seen than heard. So yes I can be a Big Fucking Hypocrite. But beyond it all I’m trying to avoid using a word I find most unsavory—bisexual. Primarily, it wrongly supposes two standards of sexual expression apart from this intermediary. And then there’s that annoying idiom, that bisexuality is merely a way station for gayness. I heard a friend (entirely oblivious to my recent sexplorations) parrot this belief, and made a mental note to postpone any divulgence of the kind. And in my flirtations with the periphery of Duke’s LGBT community, I’ve been surprised to observe the wariness with which the “B” is tolerated; I sometimes feel that it’s given obligatory lip service for the sake of community but not necessarily true solidarity. I guess it’s difficult to embrace a sexual category comprised of participants who embrace categorical uncertainty.

This perception of bisexuals can be expressed in mainstream terms: straight people think they’re hiding something and gay people view them skeptically for not fully fulfilling (or maybe half-rejecting?) their gayness. If a straight man has sex with a man he is commonly considered gay, closeted, or bisexual. If a gay man has sex with a woman, is his sexuality questioned so?

I’m going to take some stabs at deconstructing this rationale. Kinsey may be an easier starting point but I think it’s a misunderstanding of the more complex social construction theories that lost popularity in the last two decades, as the gay rights movement surged and activism was badly needed as the AIDS crisis emerged. The threat that these views posed was misinterpreting sexual orientation as mere “preference.” If this was the case, the conservative opposition could dub homosexuality a choice. Then, what’s wrong with asking someone to choose different, especially if this gay option is so strongly correlated with the frightening emergence of a new disease? This idea of preference can be especially pungent when applied to bisexuality. One might assume that most bisexual men would rather—if their sexuality really was so subjective—spend their lives in a monogamous heterosexual relationship—the kind that allows identity conformity, minimized discrimination, greater sexual health, and of course, the possibility of natural procreation.

With subversion a more enlightening (or at least more daring) end than conformity, I’d probably be interested in a sexual regimen more strictly homosexual than heterosexual. But as it is, I’m happy to traipse through the nebulous grays, confusing some and delighting my own ADD tendencies. Still, it’s easy to envision adopting some monogamous gay lifestyle characteristics. I can think of several male friends with whom I wouldn’t mind signing a lease, and—perhaps unsurprisingly—I don’t exactly subscribe to the notion of heterosexual couples as the gold standard of child rearing. Yet, the thought of homosexual monogamy, from my point of view, is more restrictive than heterosexual monogamy is boring.

Anyway, construction theory doesn’t really discredit the validity of these singularly-oriented referents insofar as individuals derive personal meaning and community from them; it merely challenges the notion that this language actually defines something intrinsic in the way that physical characteristics are thought to be an expression of alleles coded intrinsically in one’s DNA. To me, sexuality hardly makes sense as a phenotype. Sexuality in its essence must account not only for intrinsic desires and orientations but also choices made on the basis of free will, which ultimately has a large stake in the gender of partners whom we seek to bed.

I would further counter that by discrediting this theory, you are not only embracing the mainstream gay rights movement, but also the rote categorization by which people dismiss, abuse, and misunderstand the deeds of others. It may be contrary to the simplicity of mantras like, “We’re here, we’re queer!”, but I think there’s an importance to understanding unconventional sexualities and resisting the compulsion to categorize. Even if one’s experience isn’t specifically covered by the LGBTQAI (etc) umbrella, in the end, it’s going to be phobias regarding otherness that drive policy and retard progress more than any pragmatic concern for the individual, or disease, or equality. For me, it’s an important exercise in unlearning the illusory differences and embracing a more dynamic conception of “self”—an exhilarating and exhausting work-in-progress with no foreseeable end.

So forgive me if, the next time I’m sitting with you in a bar, I try to avoid the word vomit above by just saying “I’m not straight”...it might mean that I think you’re cute.

—Eric Fürst

P.S. Please disagree with me. I’ve assumed an annoyingly didactic tone that I wouldn’t typically use in real life, in an effort to stoke some dissent.

A Lunchtime Conversation with Activist and Openly Bisexual Legislator Kyrsten Sinema

Interested in politics? Learning about the ONLY campaign which defeated an anti-same sex marriage initiative? Talking with an openly bisexual public official? Learning about how to build coalitions to advance an LGBT-friendly agenda? Want to talk about growing up in a conservative, religious family?

Then join Blue Devils United and the Center for LGBT Life for a lunchtime conversation with bisexual state legislator and activist Kyrsten Sinema!
NEXT MONDAY, FEBRUARY 22 @ 11:30 AM in the LGBT Center (02 West Union)
Lunch is generously being sponsored by the Center for LGBT Life and Blue Devil’s United (please RSVP to Risa Isard at rfi@duke.edu)

Raised in a conservative Mormon home, Kyrsten Sinema is openly bisexual and serves as a member of the Arizona Legislature. In her third term as a member of the House of Representatives she has declared her intent to run for the state Senate in the forthcoming election.

One of her most notable accomplishments was chairing the 2006 campaign called Arizona Together—the first and only successful effort in the country to defeat an anti-same-sex marriage ballot initiative. Currently, she serves on Obama’s national healthcare reform group. Kyrsten is the Board President of Community Outreach and Advocacy for Refugees and also serves on the board for the YWCA of Maricopa County. She is the recipient of awards for her political leadership, including the NAACP Civil Rights Award, AZ Hispanic Community Forum Friend of the Year, Planned Parenthood Legislative CHOICE Award, Sierra Club’s Most Valuable Player, and the AZ Public Health Association Legislator of the Year

Kyrsten holds both a law degree and a Master’s degree in Social Work from Arizona State University, and is currently pursuing her Ph.D. in the School of Justice and Social Inquiry at ASU. She is an adjunct professor in the School of Social Work at ASU and practices law when not in session. Kyrsten also serves as faculty for the Center for Progressive Leadership, teaching tomorrow’s community leaders about the political process.

Kyrsten’s first book, Unite and Conquer: How to Build Coalitions that Win and Last, was released in July 2009 by Berrett-Koehler Publishers.

Lunch is generously being provided by the LGBT Center and Blue Devils United.

Her visit is made possible by Blue Devils United, Duke Democrats and Duke NOW.

Beyond "Lesbian" Fashion

“Forgive me father for I have sinned
I have broken the commandments of the fashion world
Shaming my LGBT brother, with his muscled body and one-of-a-kind tennis shoes
I am without direction, doomed to think impure thoughts
About what clothes I will buy and wear
A mullet atop my head
A flannel shirt and ill-fitting jeans loosely slung on my body”

When I told my mom I was going to write about lesbian fashion for the Our Lives blog she replied “Lesbian fashion? You’ll really be able to write a whole article about that?” My sweet mother is not exactly immersed in current fashion trends, because if she was she’d know that I could write an entire book about lesbian fashion. In the early 1990s K.D. Lang ushered in the era of “lesbian chic.” After that, a distinct “lesbian” style went mainstream. Now LGBT women are an integral part of the fashion world, whether as models, stylists, or fashion bloggers. Unfortunately certain ideals about beauty still persist. Masculine lesbians, no matter how dapper or handsome they are, still don’t get the same positive attention as glamorous fems. In my articles on fashion I will often focus on female masculinity, because I find masculine women as beautiful and fashionable as feminine women.

If you’ve ever seen me traipsing about campus you know fashion is something I have a passing interest in. My style is trendy though subtly androgynous. Though “keeping” up with richly dressed fellow Dukies is not an endeavor I’m proud of, my love of fashion extends beyond just looking like the typical Longchamp toting Duke girl.
I like to think that my style is guided by myriad sources, from street fashion blogs to magazines to music to different cultures. (Sometimes it's just by what I can find at used stores.)I also can’t forget how indebted I am to my fellow queer women. From them I have learned not to be too literally feminine or impractical in my fashion choices. I also learned not to wear clothing that overpowered me, or clothing that was trendy but unflattering. The desire to look good, whether by wearing clothing intended for men or for women, is a hallmark of “lesbian” fashion.

Short-haired, beautifully androgynous women are presented as the “ideal” face of lesbianism. These are the tombois, hipsters, rocker chicks and power lesbians. It’s no surprise that Ellen DeGeneres makes the cut in addition Kate Moennig, Beth Ditto, K.D. Lang, Jackie Warner, Kim Stoltz (!!!!), Joan Jett, Leisha Hailey and Samantha Ronson, What unites all these women? They wear men’s clothing, often in creative ways. Most have short hair. They wear suits, leather, bright colors, muted colors, ties, fedoras, sports-bras, sneakers, low-slung jeans…If fashion is all about contrast then these women are masters of the contrast between masculine and feminine. No gender expression can be overpowering.

Ever since YSL made the first woman’s suit, androgyny has been a fixture of women’s fashion. The right kind of androgyny is difficult to achieve; so difficult that lesbians have an unfortunate history of fashion mishaps. Lesbians are able to wear just about anything they want, from sensible shoes to skirts to camo cargo shorts, and as a result must choose their clothing with great caution. Men on the other hand must not only avoid wearing dresses, skirts and heels, they also have difficulty finding clothing that uses creative proportions or colors. Jean-Paul Gaultier first presented skirts for men in a show in 2006. Now men in skirts (along with men in tights) are common in fashion shows. Street fashion blogs often feature men in high heels and skirts carrying hangbags previously reserved for women. While the fashion world has become more accepting of men who boldly cross gender-lines in their attire, American cities, and especially Duke’s campus, are much less accepting.

If you’re a tomboy you probably have trouble finding clothing that fits. Men’s clothing hides your body while women’s clothing emphasizes it too much. Many fashion lines are now being crated that fill these needs. If you’re the fashion-conscious tomboy with loads of cash, check-out Made Me Clothing. Unbound Apparel sells gender-neutral t-shirts. Dykes In the City carries a wide range of clothing for masculine and queer women. While in our particular moment in time and place a woman in men's clothes in assumed to be a lesbian, masculine clothing choices were not always tied with queerness in America. Other cultures have different ideas about the relationship between gender expression and sexuality. I've noticed that East Asian culture is more accepting of avant-garde fashion for women and women that crosses gender boundaries. Just around Duke's campus I have seen more Asian women dress in men's clothing than any other ethnic group. On a campus where gender expression is severely limited, these women stand out to me.

If you’ve ever been to www.xxboys.net, watched an Athens Boys Choir video, or seen Lucas Sliveria of the band The Cliks, you know that transmen are a diverse and attractive bunch. One of the most important clothing items for pre-op or no-op transen are chest binders. Fun fact: Taiwan is leading the world in chest binder production. Queer and trans friendly sex shops tend to sell chest binders, and they are easily found online.

Though I don’t have trouble buying my clothes at non-specialty stores I have had problems with getting my hair cut correctly. I stopped going to cheap hair cutters because I would always get a tame, femmed up version of the hair I desired (even when I brought photographic evidence!) Bianca Jimenez was the first hairstylist I had who understood lesbian haircuts. I told her all my business. I even made her a mix CD of post-punk music! Then one day I called the salon and I was told that she had left. Dejected, I bounced around to different salons; even trying out the local Aveda before I finally came across Doo or Dye, unquestionably the only punk-rock hair salon in San Antonio. (Its motto: 110% pure Texas fury!) I’ve become so attuned to the minutiae of my desired hairstyle that I don’t think it matters who cuts my hair, as long as they aren’t hell-bent on femming me up.

I feel like I have it easy because I’ve been out about my sexuality from an early age. I have an intuitive grasp of “lesbian fashion”- to the point where no one has ever accused of being “too femme” or asked me what I was doing at a gay bar. Has anyone felt like they were being ignored in a queer environment because they didn’t look or act queer enough? Do you feel like you dress in a “lesbian” way even if you don’t intend to? Do you not believe you dress in a “lesbian” way, even if you wear jeans, Converse and t-shirts every day? Do you think that the whole concept of “dressing like a lesbian” is ridiculous, outdated and sexist? What stereotypes pertain to how bisexual and queer women dress? Are they radically different? Finally, from your experience how does gender expression differ from culture to culture?

XOXO
Veronica

Anonymous Posts(2.1.10-2.7.10)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks or hate speech. Feel free to submit your thoughts and questions :)

At the moment I am sitting in my concrete class, which is a real class that I am taking in real life. I am the only one with a computer open and there is really no legitimate reason why I would need my laptop, but I feel as if the professor and I have a mutual understanding where we both agree that this lecture is about concrete and I am any human with an attention span.

Anyhow! You all met my challenge to send something in this week, which is so awesome. These are some really interesting posts, too. The Community's girls are certainly stepping up :)

#1

I've been out to everyone in the universe as a lesbian since I was 15, but yesterday I came out to one of my friends for the first time... as possibly trans. I was so terrified and miserable leading up to it, but she was amazing, and I woke up this morning feeling happier than I have in years. I feel like I want to tell everyone!

I can't, of course, for a lot of reasons. First off, I'm not even sure what I'd be coming out AS. I still have trouble figuring out where I've going. All I know is that things as they stand aren't right. I've been binding while I do my homework in my room, and last week I even ate dinner with friends boob-free. With my friend to support me now, I think I can cut my hair soon. Every step I take is so exhilarating!

I just wish there wasn't this undercurrent of terror. Most of my friends already thought I was weird as a lesbian. And I wish I didn't feel like I was making everything up as I went along. I can't be the only one! Right? Where is everybody?

[Ed. Note: Wow, this is pretty much the coolest thing. Thanks for sharing! The trans community is severely underrepresented, and we don't here from them nearly enough. I think we all are undereducated on trans issues (if you haven't watched this yet, do so now). You cannot be the only one, you're right, and hopefully Everybody shows up in the comments section below. Keep us posted on everything!]

#2

I've identified as a bisexual girl/woman for years--out to my parents, out to my friends, happy to argue with strangers about LGBT issues, everything. But I've only been in relationships with men. I'm about to enter into another one (I think?), and I can't help feeling like I'm somehow betraying the community. I don't know what to do about this guilt.

[Ed. Note: Thanks for the entry, Anonymous. I think that people who identify as bisexual or feel that they don't fit into the much-accepted binary model of sexuality aren't heard from enough, either. I don't think that you should feel guilty at all, and you should simply do whatever feels right (look at Captain Obvious Advice over here). Whuddya have to say about this, Readers?