Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Queer women in literature: Virginia Woolf (1882-1941)


[Small spoiler note: I tried not to include any huge spoilers about the plot of Mrs. Dalloway, but I did include a few excerpts about the relationship between Clarissa and Sally Seton.]

This semester I decided to take my first English class at Duke, and so I signed myself up for “English131S: Topics in a Single British Author – Virginia Woolf”.

I have to admit that I signed up for the class because there was a single line in the syllabus that said we’d be discussing her views on sexuality. As someone who wrote openly about her relationships with women and men, Virginia Woolf has been retrospectively labeled as a bisexual author of the early 20th century. Our instructor, Professor Sarah Nuttall, confirmed this fact, noting that Woof’s relationships with women are extremely well documented, particularly one with Vita Sackville-West, a fellow English author and poet.

Both Vita Sackville-West and Virginia Woolf were members of a literary circle called the Bloomsbury Group, which discouraged sexual exclusivity. The two married women had a long romantic affair, and Woolf’s novel Orlando (1928) was later called “the longest and most charming love-letter in literature” (according to Vita Sackville-West’s son). Published in 1928, Orlando was considered one of her best novels and is a story about a young man who awakens one day to find himself in a woman’s body.

Anyone looking to read about lesbian, bisexual or transgender women in early 20th century literature should definitely consider giving Virginia Woolf a try. While she’s not the most accessible author (she drops key moments in her plots between parentheses and in the middle of long-winded descriptive paragraphs), her stylistic qualities make her worth all of the effort.

Having just finished Mrs. Dalloway for this class, I can easily say that Woolf’s depiction of the relationship between Clarissa Dalloway and Sally Seton is by far the most eloquent romantic relationship between two women that I have ever read about in fiction. Within the first thirty pages of the novel, the protagonist, Clarissa Dalloway remarks on her wondrous relationship with a woman:

“Yet [Clarissa] could not resist sometimes yielding to the charm of a woman, not a girl, of a woman confessing, as to her they often did. And whether it was pity, or their beauty, or that she was older-like a faint scent, or a violin next door (so strange is the power of sounds at certain moments), she did undoubtedly then feel what men felt. Only for a moment; but it was enough. It was a sudden revelation. Then, for that moment, she had seen an illumination."

When I first read this paragraph in Woolf’s novel, I was floored. I felt like I could have written this-not in terms of the quality, but the context. It seemed very similar to my own coming out experience, or perhaps anybody's:

"The strange thing, on looking back, was the purity, the integrity, of her feeling for Sally. It was not like one’s feeling for a man. It was completely disinterested, and besides, it had a quality which could only exist between women, between women grown up…the charm was overpowering, to her at least, so that she could remember standing in her bedroom at the top of the house holding the hot-water can in her hands and saying aloud, ‘She is beneath this roof…She is beneath this roof!'"

Perhaps something equally remarkable about Mrs. Dalloway, is that it was a best-seller. I had no idea that a novel published in England in 1925 with prominent same-sex romance throughout the work (5 of the main characters are implied to be LGBT) would be so well-received by the public at the time. Today the book is still immensely popular, making TIME magazine's 2005 Top 100 novels list. I have to wonder what kind of political or social undercurrents the novel might have brought with its publication, considering the equality it demands for same-sex romantic attraction:

"But nothing is so strange when one is in love (and what was this except being in love?) as the complete indifference of other people."

Equally exciting about the novel is that it is highly affirmative of same-sex relationships between women. The stereotypical portrayal of LGBTQ women in older literature is that if lesbians do exist (which they rarely do), one or both of them ends up depressed, desolate or dead. Nevertheless, Woolf’s portrayal of Clarissa Dalloway’s relationship with Sally is largely positive, perhaps more so even than any of Clarissa's relationships with men:

"All this was background for Sally. She stood by the fireplace, talking, in that beautiful voice which made everything she said sound like a caress. Suddenly she said, ‘What a shame to sit indoors!’ and they all went out on to the terrace and walked up and down. Peter Walsh and Joseph Breitkopf went on about Wagner."

And of course…it’s just beautifully depicted as well:

"She and Sally fell a little behind. Then came the most exquisite moment of her whole life passing a store urn with flowers in it. Sally stopped; picked a flower; kissed her on the lips. The whole world might have turned upside down! The others disappeared; there she was alone with Sally. And she felt that she had been given a present, wrapped up, and told just to keep it, not to look at it – a diamond, something infinitely precious, wrapped up, which, as they walked (up and down, up and down), she uncovered, or the radiance burnt through, the revelation, the religious feeling!"

Personally I think that if you want to read empowering literature about LGBTQ women in fiction, reading Virginia Woolf if you haven't already is a great idea. I had actually tried to read Mrs. Dalloway two different times before this class, and I always stopped by page 10 or 20 because she's really difficult to get into. ("Plot" isn't her main focus-description is.) For me, being in this class and knowing ahead of time that Woolf writes equally about same and opposite sex attraction was a huge motivator to get through the novel.

"But this question of love, this falling in love with women. Take Sally Seton; her relation in the old days with Sally Seton. Had not that, after all, been love?”

Saturday, August 14, 2010

10 things (LGBTQA style)

[Note: Reply and add your own ideas to the list!]

Wow, so freshman orientation starts in less than 2 weeks! I remember that crazy-hot week like it was yesterday. If you're an incoming student, and you are anything like me, you're really excited, super nervous and generally unsure of what college is "really" like.

So, I don't even pretend to have college figured out (just ask my Physics 54L professor), but I wanted to come up with a short list of the things that I wish I would have known as an incoming student and lesbian woman. (I'm not sure I would have even listened to this at the time, but it would have helped.)

10 things I wish I would have known coming to Duke as a freshwoman (LGBTQA style):

10. Being out on campus from the very beginning might have been a lot easier (than coming out two years later).

9. Going to the LGBT Center does not automatically define or label you one way or the other. Going to the LGBT Center means you are going to the LGBT Center.

8. People in college are generally more liberal and accepting than the people back home.

7. Taking a LGBTQ-studies class won’t help you find a date (well, it didn’t help this author at any rate), but it can help you feel more comfortable about talking about sexuality in general. The same would go for a Women's Studies or Sexuality course. (The class is Psych 143S: "Clincal Issues in LGBTQ" taught in the spring, in case you're interested!)

6. Going to CAPS to talk about being LGBT might just be one of the best decisions you make.

5. The North Carolina LGBT Pride march happens off of Duke's East campus September 25th.

4. Straight allies can be just as active in the LGBT Center as those who identify as queer (sometimes more active!).

3. The world doesn't explode when you walk through the Center doors, and black holes don't suddenly appear. Also (this refers to me, maybe not the reader), you're really not that interesting, so crowds of people aren't watching you enter either.

2. Get to know Janie Long and Peg Helminski.

1. Coming out on Facebook is a great decision if you’re up for it. Just block your Aunt/Uncle/Cousin/Grandmother/other family-you’re-not-out-to-yet, and tell them college got “too hard” to keep up with Facebook. (College life and home life intersect in a weird way on the internet sometimes.)

And... the one thing I wouldn't have bothered to tell myself, because I know I had to learn this on my own, and in my own way:

0. No one here (who is anybody) really cares.
About, well, you know.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

What does Pride mean to you?

Two weeks ago, a group of my friends and I went to our very first LGBT pride parade in New York City. GAH! Exciting!!! Well, to be honest, we really didn't know what to expect. Decked out in our rainbow flags and our Duke Love=Love shirts, we were hoping for an amazing time. We were ready to be blown away by the supposed craziness.

If I had to sum up Pride in one word, I would definitely pick celebratory. I loved seeing members of our community so excited and happy to be exactly who they are. I think everyone should go to Pride at least once, if only to see that strong sense-of-self and happiness. It was very powerful to be a witness to that kind of self-confidence.

A quick note to my fellow Pride virgins reading this: cheer loudly. You’ll get more attention. My friend Cynthia and I started going pretty crazy about halfway through the march, and we were blessed with Mardi Gras beads in all colors of the rainbow, countless LGBT stickers (my favorite was “God made me a Lesbian”), a view of someone’s undergarments (well, you know), and one woman who was intent on drenching us with her super soaker. (Twice.)

I think the thing that surprised me the most about Pride was what got my attention. I really enjoyed watching SAGE, a LGBT advocacy group for elderly members of our community. (See picture, bottom right.) Some of these participants looked to be about 80 years old, and as they walked by, I wondered how different of an environment they had when they were coming out. Fifty years ago, could they have even fathomed the march we were having right now? Did they even have a name for some of the LGBT labels that are so commonplace today? (Was “queer” still derogatory?) What relationships and loves did they have in their lives-and did society let them flourish? Or did they have to lose them because they weren’t born in the time that we were? I had so many questions for them that I didn’t have the time to ask, so I just went crazy cheering for them and waved our rainbow flag until they smiled back.

I also found myself getting really excited to see all of the PFLAG groups at Pride. (PFLAG chapters were actually the most prevalent group at the parade!) One young man from PFLAG Long Island held a sign that said, “I’m walking for my two moms”, and another held a sign that said “We love our lesbian daughter”. Wow-I'm proud of them.

But if there is one thing about Pride that I will never forget, it was the people I shared it with. I have this great memory of standing on the side of 5th avenue, watching parade floats and groups move past me, and then stopping to look to my left and right on the sidewalk. I see 7-8 of some of my closest friends at Duke, many of whom are not LGBT. In fact, most of these friends identify as straight. And yet, they are here. I am surrounded by people who support our community so much, that they drove all the way up to New York City (and took a hellish Chinatown bus back), just to say, “Yes, you should be proud!”

I think Pride will mean something different to everybody-there will be parts that speak to you, and parts that do not. We cannot relate to everything. But I think the universal feeling I received at Pride was acceptance. Acceptance for exactly who you are-LGBT or straight. So I guess that was the best thing about Pride. To see such a historically marginalized community be so loved, so supported, and of course, so proud. I saw our community on fire with pride that weekend, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen us in a better light.

[Note: I've heard a lot of different perspectives on Pride, and they're all entirely valid and worth bringing up! I'd love to hear your ideas about LGBT Pride and what it means to you.]

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Womyn magazine now accepting submissions!

What is it like to be a queer woman at Duke? Let's talk about it!

Coming this fall, WOMYN, a brand new undergraduate publication published by and for LGBTQ-identified women and their allies at Duke University will hit the stands.

Why are we so excited about today specifically? Starting TODAY, Womyn magazine is now accepting submissions! We really encourage everyone-straight and LGBTQ- to submit to Womyn in order to include a diverse group of experiences of queer women and their allies!

Why WOMYN? Our goal is to promote a sense of community and validation of queer women at Duke University by reaffirming their experiences as an integral part of student life. We hope to encourage dialogue of queer women’s issues on campus and foster a sense of community and interaction between queer women themselves and to challenge perceptions of the Duke woman.

Who can submit? Any Duke University undergraduate or graduate student, staff or faculty member! All are welcome - (straight-allied or LGBTQ)- to submit!!

What submissions will be accepted? Any piece that has a queer woman’s focus will be considered for the magazine!

Interested? For more information, along with how to submit a piece, check out the website and facebook group. Have a question? Feel free to contact Womyn: womynatduke@gmail.com.

Ready to change campus? Let's make queer women an integral part of Duke!

-Megan Weinand, Jack Grote, Summer Puente, and the Womyn Review Board team.

[Note: Today, July 1st, submissions for Womyn are officially open!! We'd like to get the word out!! The above BDU blog post can be used as a list serv annoucement. We need your help in promoting the magazine! Sending this email out to any listserv that you are a part of helps get our publication information to more individuals! Let's do this!]

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Light my Candle?

So, I recently got dumped last week. It was pretty much devastating.

Okay, that’s a huge exaggeration. It’s more of a joke that I had with a few people in the Center last week, but let me explain:

I recently encountered a woman on campus who I thought, 110%, just had to be queer. I was so super-thrilled. I had never seen her before. She was new! And guess what else?! She was completely beautiful, apparently single, and I was totally, totally interested.

On top of all that, she had what I could only dream of in a woman: to quote Summer, she was super gay, or super-queer, whatever you prefer. She was amazingly out and visible.

How did I know this? My flawless gaydar gave this girl a solid QUEER rating. She had all the tell-tale signs that one might look for. Rainbow flags on the water bottle? Check. The laptop? The backpack? Check check. The Look? (Come on, you all know what I’m talking about. The across-the-room, unmistakable, definitively gay, Look.) Yep.

I was so excited. I was in the Loop with my friend, Nathan, and when she came over to say hi to me, I think I almost dropped my electronic blue Loop buzzer. I felt like I was 5 years old. I grabbed Nathan by the arm and practically hyperventilated as I turned my back to her: “Is she coming over here?!” I tried to play it cool. It failed miserably. Before I know it, she’s in front of me and she’s started talking to me. I begin to ignore everyone else in the room.

But I was having the time of my life, because a beautiful queer woman knew my name, and I knew hers.

Fast forward to our 3rd encounter of the week. I bump into my new girlfriend (or, whatever) while I’m walking around campus the next day.

I’m trying to play it super-cool. But I remembered getting some advice from friends in the Center: “be intentional about your actions. Come out to her. Be honest. Start the relationship off by being genuine right away.”

So I thought, “hey, that’s good advice! I’ll come out to her, she’ll come out to me right afterwards, and we’ll move in and start this crazy life together.” I’m basically already planning our wild trip to Jamaica. Sweet.

I used the best line I could come up with, hoping it would seem smooth:

“I really like your rainbow stickers.” (Hey, if you have a better idea, let’s chat.)

She smiled: “Oh, thanks!” Silence. I try to play it cool:

“So…do you have them for visibility?”

She looked at me. And then she looked at me.

Oh God. It hit me. Something’s wrong. Panic mode. The Look had disappeared. Something wasn't right.

“Well, so…one of my best friends is gay…”

I stopped listening. I already knew by heart everything else that would come after it: Ally.

I was dumbfounded. I decided to try and save whatever face I had left. (Too bad I’ve already Googled the tickets to Jamaica. Expedia seemed to have good prices.) “Cool, sweet. Where on Central are you living? I love that song too. Yep, I agree, the weather is great. Have a nice day!”

But I was crushed.

Ally.

Don’t get me wrong. I love (not like!) allies. I love them so much. Why? Because I know what a ridiculously long time it took just to get myself to walk through those LGBT Center doors. And then, to see them do it, when they have the same social pressures to deal with, but they don’t even identify? It’s phenomenal. I just love it. I love them.

But I don’t love it so much when I think you’re super gay, or super queer, and you’re…just…not.

After getting dumped that afternoon (I’m exaggerating, but you get the idea), I wanted to forget about the whole thing. And I basically did, until Nathan, that same friend from the Loop, told me the following:

“I was just going to say that I really love seeing you talk about the women you're interested in. You just light up.”

Wait, really? I asked him to clarify.

“It's very true. I just thought of you grabbing my arm that day, and telling me to see if there was a table nearby her, and how you just lit up, and it made me smile. And while that girl may not be available, the fact that you could do that, and would do that, makes me smile.”

It was really great to hear him say that. Because before he told me this, I had thought of the incident as “that embarrassing time when I was blissfully unaware that I was hitting on a straight girl.”

But he was challenging me to think differently, to think of it as what it was: Real. (With AJ’s capital R.) Not just queer woman meets straight woman.

But queer woman works up the courage to do something very queer.

And that might be something worth remembering.

Friday, May 14, 2010

The L-Word

“I’m gay.”

That’s how I come out. Or at least, that is my current word choice for the moment. I haven’t had to use that phrase at Duke for awhile now. But now that I’m back in Tucson, Arizona, in addition to feeling the heat, wincing in pain when people talk about SB1070, and just generally enjoying home for a week, I’ve also been coming out again to a lot of my high school friends who didn’t know I was gay beforehand. Luckily though, coming out the second time is almost a walk in the park compared to the first.

But I said it again. The G-word.

I first realized it yesterday when I was discussing my sexuality with my best friend over coffee. I kept using statements like, “Well because I’m gay….”, or “Being gay has allowed me to…”. Notice a trend? It’s always the G-word. Never the L-word. Always gay, never lesbian.

So…it got me thinking. Why don’t I use the term lesbian more often in conversation? Is there some sort of positive connotation that the word “gay” has that “lesbian” just hasn’t reached yet? Does calling myself a “lesbian” seem more abrasive? More radical? More “other”?

Quick side note: (I have a point, I promise!) - If I had to pick my favorite queer television show, it would actually be the L-word. Don’t get me wrong-it isn’t topping the lists of America’s most elevated television programming. To begin, for a queer woman’s show, it portrays a strikingly high ratio of femme lesbians, with few butch or androgynous women to counterbalance that. To add to that conundrum, bisexuality is oddly absent as well, with the exception of one or two of the lead women identifying this way. But despite it’s flaws, as a queer female, I also can’t avoid the fact that it was an entire 6-season show that focused almost exclusively on queer women and their lives and relationships. So I pretty much thought it was awesome.

The thing I loved the most about the show was that the lead female characters really embraced the term lesbian. It was their power word-they owned it, dropping it as often as they could. There was no hesitation. I don’t really think they ever used the word gay when they described themselves.

I think that’s something I’d like to personally work on-to really own the word lesbian and use it more often. I just finished reading 2 books by feminist author Jessica Valenti, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned from her writings, it’s that a patriarchal society tends to devalue femininity-all types of it. Lesbian, is an innately female word. Ergo, perhaps our society, in an effort to discredit women in general, takes a stab at LGBT women too.

“Gay” doesn’t define us all. “Lesbian” certainly doesn’t either. That would overlook the transgendered, bisexual, intersex, pansexual, allied and queer communities at large. I also understand some people don’t want a label. To be perfectly honest, I don’t want a label either. But there is a difference between forcing yourself to adopt the word lesbian as a label, and just plain using the word more often. I wonder if part of helping more people to identify as queer also means making these labels more accessible, more commonplace and more visible.

If we don’t use the word lesbian, who will?

[If this topic is interesting to anyone else, I'd super love to see what other people have to say. :D ]

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Let's talk about Womyn.

You are an 18 year-old female, and you’ve just been accepted by Duke University. It’s the morning of Blue Devil Days, and you’ve somehow managed to escape your parents for a few moments. (Success!) And hey, just for fun, let’s throw in something else to make this story a little more interesting-you also happen to identify as a bisexual woman.

So, you’re on the Main Quad, and you look around you. This place is awesome. Wow, it’s Duke! You’re still shocked that you even got accepted (or at least, I certainly was). You decide to go inside Perkins library and check out the Duke Chronicle to see what’s going on at campus this weekend. After flipping through a few of the pages, you determine that you really need to look up LDOC on urbandictionary.com when you get home. You set the Chronicle back in the newsstand and start to walk away.

And that’s when it catches your eye.

“WOMYN: An undergraduate publication for queer women at Duke.”

Your heart stops. Could it even be possible?

Yes, it is absolutely possible! And it is happening this Fall! The idea to do a publication was Janie’s, the namesake was Michelle’s, but the publication is ours. There are two rules to the publication. The first, is that every piece submitted needs to have a queer women’s focus. (And also, that it’s nonfiction. So no unicorns.) We’ll accept anonymous submissions, but hopefully most students will recognize the importance of using their full name. The second “rule” is that anybody can submit a piece! Faculty, university staff, graduate students, undergraduate students, women and men alike-submit your voices! Whether that is your personal testimony, photograph, poem, essay, or straight-allied support, we want to hear about it from you.

We would love to see this publication become embraced by the University. Let’s put ourselves back into the Keds of that prospective freshman. She would see the Womyn publication as she passed the newsstands on her tour of Duke, but this is not the only thing that she sees. She would also see a larger, confident, and powerful queer women’s presence at Duke. She would feel empowered, because she would know that all of her belongs at Duke, not just part of her. It would be revolutionary.

And this doesn’t affect just queer women either; what if I’m a gay man who sees this publication? Or maybe a straight woman? A straight man? How do I change? Maybe I realize I’m free to be me as well? Or maybe I just find that kind of honesty and confident openness a breath of fresh air at Duke.

Or, to take a different example, think about how Womyn might affect closeted queer women at Duke. Let’s say I’m in a sorority, and I happen to be straight. But I’ve recently picked up on the fact that my “Little” probably isn’t. What do I tell her? I want her to know that I love her just the way she is. We, as a sorority, love her just the way she is. But she’s afraid to come out. She isn’t ready yet-she needs something to affirm her. So, I pick up my pen and I write an article to Womyn: “I know one of my sorority sisters is gay, and I just wish she would know that it wouldn’t change a thing if she came out. We love her, and we’d always love her. I hope she knows she has our support.”

The excitement for this project is almost hard to contain-the examples from above are just a few of the things we’d like to accomplish. Come August, we’ll start soliciting for submissions, selecting pieces for the upcoming issue, and working on the publication of the very first edition of Womyn. =) On the listserv, we’re going to email with scheduled meetings and ways we can all help!

Feel free to contact our managing editor, Jack Grote (jack.grote@duke.edu), myself (megan.weinand@duke.edu) or Summer Puente, our Senior Layout Editor (summer.puente@duke.edu) for more information. Also, if you’re in the area this summer, Jack, Summer and I will be working here in Durham to hit the ground running in August with layout, ideas, etc! Stop by the Center or email if you’re interested in making Summer 2010 the summer of Womyn (to quote Ms. Puente).

Interested? Me too.

Let’s make queer women an integral part of Duke.

Monday, April 12, 2010

The Gay Confessional

My first confession: I’m really excited to be a part of this LGBT community here at Duke! For those of you who don’t know, I identify as a queer woman, but I only just started going to the Center at the end of last fall semester hoping to find something that affirmed that what I felt for women wasn’t unique. And I was pleasantly surprised! Not only did I find a group of Duke students that I found to be friendly, energetic, and genuine, I finally had a medium to admit (to myself) and to my peers who I am.

My second confession: I’m not really out. Because while I’ve been able to tell most of my closest friends that I’m gay, by no means have I had the time to tell all of them. What stops me? Couldn’t I just tell them all tomorrow and be done with it? Something stops me. Is it their repetitive usage of “no homo lol” after they hugged me on the Quad? Is it the sorority bag that they carry on their way into our mutual classes? Is it their Christianity, or in the case of many of my friends, their Catholicism?

Or maybe it’s just me. My experience would tell me that this last reason is most accurate. Just a few weeks ago I came out to one of my closest Catholic friends. This woman is my role model-she attends daily Mass like it’s class, she prays the rosary more times in a week than I take a shower (I shower daily for anyone who just doubted my cleanliness) and she just all-around embodies someone who has dedicated her life to Catholicism.

So it happened over lunch. Somehow the conversation quickly turned to, “Why don’t you date [insert boy’s name here]? You two are so perfect for each other!” As I sat there with my mouth ajar, she continued: “No Megan, seriously! I need to know the reason why! Because I can’t understand why you two wouldn’t be dating.”

The golden window of opportunity had just opened. I sit there, stunned. Did this just happen? These kinds of moments in your life don’t happen very often. I close my eyes and frantically try to race the pros and cons in my head: “Is this the right moment? She’s one of my closest friends.” I know I’ll kick myself later if I mess this up. I look around the Refectory tables and I get a gut instinct: “just do it," something inside of me says.

All of this time, I can’t help thinking-“but she’s Catholic, she’s really Catholic.” [Disclaimer: For those of you who don’t know the Catholic Church’s position on LGBT issues, the Church holds that gay people should be embraced and accepted in the church as fellow Catholics, but it condemns gay sexual acts.]

Anyway… So I just decide to go for it and tell her: “Well… I don’t want to date him because…I’m gay”. Before I have the opportunity to keep talking, she smiles and says, “that’s okay!!! That’s totally fine!” I feel like a baseball just hit me out of left field. Wait, I ask myself, does that mean she’s okay with it? And not just okay with it, but she’s smiling, and she’s glad I told her?!

That’s when I learned what I should have learned when I was a little girl. Those who care about you will always care about you. Those who matter don’t mind. She mattered. And so, she didn’t mind.

For all the “what-if-they-don’t-like-me-as-much-because-now-they-know-I’m-gay” worries that I had floating around in my head, I’m only recently starting to realize that I don’t need to anticipate that negativity. This Friday I came out to another one of my close friends over lunch, and she gave me wise advice. She said, “I find that there are perfect people in the world, and then there are people with problems. Honestly, I find that everyone always likes the people with problems better than the perfect people.” That made me smile. =) Now, being gay is by no means a problem-it’s a beautiful part of human sexuality. But her gist holds true universally-that people tend to like real, honest people better. And it has been my experience that with each new person I come out to, not only have I grown much closer to them, but I finally am able to anticipate positive reactions, because that’s all I’ve gotten. Coming out this past month has made me much more confident, stronger and oh-so-much wiser.

As I left lunch with that friend, she sent me a text that I think hits this point home: “I think it’s funny that I was sitting there worried you’d judge me for living with my boyfriend next year and you were worried I’d judge you for being gay. I anticipate we will face similar irony each time we tell someone new! I’m proud of you Megan!”

So, does that mean starting to come out has been easy? Absolutely not. There are going to be ignorant people wherever I go. But what I want you to know, (yes you reading this blog), is that despite the initial difficulties in coming out that I’ve experienced internally, all of them combined together do not even BEGIN to outweigh the amazing benefits that I’ve received since coming out. I know that my experience will not be like everyone’s, but the feeling of liberation, the thought of maybe finally being able to date someone who I’m crazy about (oh my gosh?!!! :), and the knowledge that I am finally being honest with people, has all just felt amazing.
I’ve learned two great things from coming out. If this starts sounding preachy, I profusely apologize. (I thought they were worth mentioning!)

First, I’m seeing that friends love you. They don’t just like you. Like implies that it could stop. I could like vanilla today, but I might like chocolate better tomorrow. My likes waver and change.

But my loves don’t. There’s something about a love that never dies inside of you-it is that trick birthday candle that you just can’t put out. I have been given this unique and blessed opportunity to see that my friends love me, for me. Not for the person that they thought I was, or for the person that they wanted me to become, but for me. Their love doesn’t change, and it doesn’t waver, no matter if that’s a “straight” Megan or a gay Megan. And that opportunity, to see that kind of loyalty, love and friendship has been really self-affirming.

The other equally greatest part of starting to come out has been coming to the Center (like I mentioned above!). It’s a whole community of people, gay and straight, who think just like you, and who affirm that you are okay just the way you are, right now. So that’s why I’d like to encourage you to come by the Center too! I was just talking to someone earlier today who told me, “oh, I know a lot of queer people, they just don’t come to the Center. Well, I really hope we can change that. If you don’t want to go to the Center by yourself, please find me on Facebook and 1) friend me (Megan Weinand), and 2) shoot me a message that says, “Hey, come to Fab Friday with me?” or even better, “Please come to BDU meetings with me." Trust me, I won’t think you’re weird. The only thing I’ll be is just so thrilled that you’re coming. =)

So these are the greatest things about coming out. But you know what? I’m only just starting. It’d be a lot cooler if you’d do it too. Come out with me.