Anonymous Posts(1.11.10-1.17.10)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks or hate speech. Feel free to submit your thoughts and questions :)

Welcome back, Everyone! It's been so great to get back into the swing of things.

Of course the new semester means blog meetings and the relaunch of our site. Our first meeting will be tomorrow (Tuesday, January 18) at 9pm in Kilgo J216 (my room!). As always, there will be cookies. Everyone's welcome!

Also, the blog will relaunch (sort of! We were never really unlaunched) this Monday, January 25.

I'm a little late in posting the anonymous entries today, forgive me. Summer chastised me plenty on behalf of the entire Readership, so don't worry.

#1

This isn't very personal and therefore doesn't need to be anonymous, but I wasn't sure how else to submit it. I've heard people talk about bromance before, but coming across a facebook group entitled "Petition to Make Bromance a Relationship Status on Facebook" made me think about it differently. I'm wondering how members of the LGBT and Ally community feel about the word. To me, it seems like another "no homo" deal. It's not overtly homophobic--that is, it's not like calling someone "the f word", or refusing to be friends with someone who is gay, or not hiring someone for a job because of their sexual orientation--but it still doesn't feel right to me. Anytime guys feel the need to proclaim their heterosexuality--lest they be assumed to be gay--it seems like a slap in the face. Why can't two guys be best friends or really care about each other without adding the disclaimer that "we're straight" (which is what bromance does, in my opinion)? I hope I've articulated this well. I could go on, but really I'd like to hear what some other readers/writers of this blog have to say. I posed the question, about whether bromance was homophobic, to a few friends today and they didn't flat out reject my idea that maybe it was but they weren't really convinced either. As a community who is more in tune with the subtleties of homophobia (you know, we recognize that "no homo" or "that's so gay" is actually homophobic whereas the general public may not): what do you say?

[Ed. Note: Hey, good question. I'll reserve opinion, but I will say that Duke itself is the probably the birthplace of the bromance and I can think of few other campuses that could better comment on the broculture.]

#2

Great website that contains inspiring Coming-Out stories: http://iwanttheworldtoknow.org/

[Ed. Note: This is really cool and well done! Hopefully we can keep our own coming out story feature going this semester :)]

Welcome home everybody.

I can’t tell you how great it feels to be back in Durham again. I know I haven’t posted in two weeks, mostly because I felt it would be repetitive and circuitous since I haven’t taken any big steps in this long process of figuring out who the hell I am and who I want to be. I’m trying to be patient with myself. But there have been some changes.
I mentioned in a comment in my last blog entry about the singular follow-up conversation I had with my dad. It was strictly political and started by him, weaving through certain subjects such as adoption, a transgender documentary he saw on television, gay elected officials and my encouragement for him to use the term intersex instead of hermaphrodite. I was so thrilled and our conversation was so quick paced that I think I’ve found the platform in which to begin talking about gay issues more. My expectation is to start edging that door open so that maybe someday I can bring a partner over for dinner regardless of gender. Just babysteps for now. He needs to know I’m still his little girl just looking for happiness and a safe, respectful relationship.

But a conversation I had with my maternal grandmother a few days ago hit close to my heart in how far the rest of my family would need to come. Quoting scripture to me for over hour, she damned all the gays straight to hell as easily as if she were watering her garden. She told me that I shaved my head because I don’t want men to look at me anymore. I think part of that may be true. I was too exhausted from the conversation to retort. I didn’t even know what to say after she expressed resentment towards Muslims and how they want to blow everybody up. Maybe I’ll write it off as a lost cause, maybe I’ll find another way to reach out to her in the future. Who knows.

All I can really say right now is that going to the LGBT Center is a breath of fresh air and happiness and delight and hopefulness and just general good feelings all around.

So without a real way to transition here, I’m just going to shift gears here and make another plea for your stories. I’m looking for out individuals who would like to share their story for this blog. The entries on Ari and Viviana are examples of my work, and as you can tell (if you’re read them) is they differ very much. I simply wish to show who you are, right now in the year 2010, with all of your identifiers and idiosyncrasies that you express to the world. You can email me at spp12@duke.edu or summer.puente@duke.edu or shoot me a Facebook message if you’re interested. I would love to tell your story and get to know my community better.

I’m not gonna lie: I need some support too right now. This is part of the reason I jumped into this position. I’ve got a lot of growing to do…we all do. We should try and tie this community tighter and I believe the best way that can be done is through honesty and transparency and shared experience. You’re the ones that make my blog possible. Let’s do this.

I love you all. I love your strength and your courage and I’m honored to be a part of your lives and your history.

Anonymous Posts(1.4.10-1.10.10)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks or hate speech. Feel free to submit your thoughts and questions :)

By the time this post is up, I'll be on the road with Ari making the 8+ hour trip back to Duke. I'm not going to say that we're going to be listening to the Glee soundtrack* and Bad Romance on repeat, but I sort of just did.

Our post from this week:

#1

Recently I've been thinking about how I can be moral and gay. Let me preface this quickly (since this is an anonymous post an you have no idea where I'm coming from)-that I'm gay and I understand being gay is inherently good.

But morality in terms of gay relationships is not as cut and dry as heterosexual ones. I recognize that because we are not heterosexual, a lot of the heterosexual rules got thrown out the window after Stonewall...but sometimes I wonder if a lot of the moral ideas also got thrown out the window. I am trying to figure out how morality can play out in my gay relationships. The gay joke is always "what 2nd date?" While funny, it kind of makes me cringe. At what point is sex in a relationship chaste and respectful? How can I look at same-gender attractive people in a way that doesn't objectify them? How should I approach my LGBT relationships with a sense of common humanity?

I get angry about this problem because so many religions take the easy way out and just label the whole LGBT lifestyle as immoral. We all know this isn't right. So I'm wondering how other gay people my age take this. Duke doesn't give me a lesson in gay relationship morality. Religion doesn't either. So I'm trying to navigate this question on my own. It's not really a popular one though, in college, but that doesn't make it any less important. So my question for this community is...How are you gay and moral at Duke?

[Ed. Note: Good question, #1. I have a feeling you're going to get quite a few responses on this one. Hopefully The Readers can provide some effective guidance :)]

*You should see us during "Don't Rain on My Parade." Ugh, but can we talk about how Ari is obsessed with the It's My Life/Confessions mash-up? I'd prefer to skip it, but he insists on me playing it over and over. And because it's his car, I must oblige. But it is my iPod and more importantly this song is one of the weakest to come from the show. I would like some empathy on this. Wait, can I just

#2

My friend "CARrIe Bradshaw" is obsessed with the It's My Life/Confessions mash-up. I'd prefer to skip it, but he insists on me playing it over and over. And because it's his car, I must oblige. But it is my iPod and more importantly this song is one of the weakest to come from the show. I would like some empathy on this.

[Ed. Note: Your friend has no taste and you seem like a handsome, awesome person who has an ear for good music.]

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Gay Pride: In and Out (a series of documentaries on current™ tv): Thought someone else might find these intriguing too. I'm interested in what y'all think about them, especially the piece on firearms. Hope your breaks have been exceptional!

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Portugal set to legalize gay marriage! (from Yahoo! News): Catholic Portugal, traditionally one of Europe's most socially conservative countries, is expected to approve the legalisation of gay marriage on Friday with a minimum of fuss.

With the governing Socialists and other left-wing parties enjoying a strong majority, the new law is likely to sail through the first reading debate and gain final approval before a visit by Pope Benedict XVI, due in Portugal in May.

In contrast to Spain, where the lead-up to the legalisation of gay marriage in 2005 brought hundreds of thousands of demonstrators onto the streets, the bill in Portugal has provoked only muted opposition even from the right.

While normally vocal on the role of marriage and the family in society, the Catholic Church has refused to mobilise on a subject which, according to Lisbon's Cardinal Patriarch Jose Policarpo, is "parliament's responsibility".

"I think the Portuguese people have learnt one of the fundamental tenets of democracy: respect for the rights of the individual," Miguel Vale de Almeida, Portugal's first openly-gay lawmaker who was elected in September, told AFP.

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Very Interesting Interview with Amanda Simpson (2008): If you have time, give this a look. I'm really glad that Amanda's appointment has not only forced the recognition of transphobia in more conservative American populations, but also within our own queer community. It's vital that we be aware.

We Want You

Hey readers,

I hope you’ve all had a relaxing winter break, whatever you’ve been up to and wherever you’ve spent it. This post is to let everyone know about an exciting event coming up for the triangle area LGBTQA community this spring semester, something that I hope you’ll all be interested in participating in.

The weekend of February 12-14 will see the first Spring LGBT and Ally retreat held at Campus Chestnut Ridge in Efland, North Carolina. Any student from Duke, UNC and NCSU is warmly invited to attend.

You may be wondering what a retreat like this entails and what sorts of activities are planned. Essentially, this retreat is about empowering students and building a sense of community. We want to help foster leaders on each campus and strengthen the ties between the LGBTQA students of the three colleges. To that end, we have a variety of awesome programming planned, including a low-ropes course, a hayride and numerous team-building group activities, facilitated by the staff of each of the LGBT centers. The philosophy behind this retreat is that we can accomplish more through collaboration, networking, pooling resources and co-hosting events. To this end, we want to bring students from the three colleges together and facilitate this cooperation. Our ultimate goals are to build a stronger LGBTQA community and to equip students with confidence and identity.

We want your help to make this retreat the best it possibly can be. We truly hope that students will feel invested in the retreat and excited about the possibilities. We’ve already spoken with a number of students about this, but what we really want are your comments, thoughts and ideas. What would truly make this retreat amazing for you? What would you hope to get out of it? What issues and activities do you think absolutely need to be included in the weekend? Is there something that you’ve participated in some other event like this that really worked well? We really value your feedback – though we already have the basic activities framework for the weekend, what we’re looking for now is what you, the community hope to gain from this event. All feedback is welcome, either through the comments section at the bottom of this article, or through emailing Alex Kilkka kilkka@email.unc.edu or me, at oww@duke.edu. If you want to get involved and play an important role in planning and coordinating this retreat, please let us know, we’d love to have your opinions, insight and ideas.

Additionally, there will be an info session about the retreat on the first Thursday back of school at UNC, for all those interested. We’ll also be starting the process for signing up for the retreat soon. For more information, visit the Facebook page for the event.

This retreat is going to be a fantastic opportunity to engage in some really meaningful community building and empowerment. It will also be a great chance to meet new friends, hang with old ones and relax away from the stress of classes and assignments. We’re really excited and we hope you all are too. If you have any questions or comments, please don’t hesitate to let us know.

Can’t wait to see you all there and enjoy the rest of winter break!

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NJ to vote on marriage equality Thursday: The NJ state legislature will vote on marriage equality this Thursday. Supporters of the bill are unsure if there are enough votes for it to pass, but have decided to move forward because while current Governor Jon Corzine has said he would sign the bill into law should it pass, incoming Governor Chris Christie has said he would veto the bill.

Anonymous Posts(12.28.09–1.3.10)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks or hate speech. Feel free to submit your thoughts and questions :)

The start of next semester is so close, Everyone. I've been banking so many sleeping hours in anticipation (that's how science works, right? Right.). In all seriousness, though, while I'm dreading classes, I am looking forward so much to how this blog is going to continue trucking and evolve (!) this spring. There are some sweet changes and superexciting projects that we've got in the works.

Anyhow! Like I've said before, in the past couple of weeks You All have been like actors in a movie called "The Best Commenters." But the secret is that You are all really The Best Commenters IRL so it is not that hard of a role to play. Look at me being Captain Similes, over here. *pats self on back*

Let's keep it up! The posts from this week:

#1

So in my desperate search for something to do the last couple of days on break I stumbled upon this blog. Well I didn't exactly stumble, you might even call it a deliberate effort but that might make me sound a little desperate so you choose. How did I come upon a blog that I dare say will serve as a form of intellectual stimulation and one or two cheap laughs for the rest of my winter break? Nothing less than that age old tool all college students fear and love at the same time...Facebook. Yup, I was checking my event, found an invite to this Spring's coming GLBT and Ally Retreat and from that page found a link to the Duke Blue Devils United Page which then led me to this blog. So I guess my stumbling was more stalking but what else is Facebook good for? [Ed. Note: Nothing.]

So here I am, a Tar Heel in enemy territory. At first I think, what will your fellow Tar Heels think? But in all honesty, any site dedicated to uplifting the LGBTQ community with thought provoking stories and just plain funny material is a friend of mine. I still haven't decided whether or not I will attend the retreat this Spring. Part of me says yes because it would be a really cool opportunity to meet some really cool people from Carolina, State, and dare I say it even Duke. Another part of me, the less outgoing part, warns me that it would involve emersing myself in an environment that I'm not quite completely comfortable in. I'll admit that I've only ever been to two GLBTSA meetings in the Fall and I'm not sure if I'm quite ready to spend a weekend with my fellow gays. At the risk of sounding like a mentally unstable individual, that first part of me thinks that last thought is absolutely ridiculous. What can the GLBTQ community do to me but nurture me and give me a place to feel comfortable enough to be myself? I mean worst case scenario, I meet my match when it comes to being a DIVA as most of my close friends often affectionately call me. Anyway, I'll spare you all the specifics of my internal conflicts. I just want to say that so far, I've thoroughly enjoyed this blog and look forward to keeping up with it in the near future. Looks like you Blue Devils ain't half as bad as I was made to believe...just don't tell any of my fellow Tar Heels I said that!

[Ed. Note: Hey Tar Heel :) Know that similarly, UNC's GLBTSA is always a friend of BDU. We're happy to have you as a reader! It's become really apparent since the blog's launch that even though our stories are highly personal, they are far from Duke-specific and are so often immediately relatable to many, many visitors from off campus (like I've said before, we've been visited by 44 countries and 44 states). We're infinitely grateful for our non-Duke Readers and invite them to visit and participate just as much.

For those unfamiliar, this is the retreat that this contributor is talking about. I'll see you there, #1!].

#2

I wonder if she's here. Sometimes I wonder if I'm meant to find her here at Duke. Sure, I've fallen for a bunch of straight girls, but that can't mean anything. I'm wondering if SHE is here-that girl who, I just can't get over how amazing she is. If she's here, I hope she comes out. And if she's already out, I hope she has the courage to approach me. I've finally convinced myself to be visible next semester around the Center...I just hope she's there.

[Ed Note: I s'pose we'll be seeing you, too, #2! Awesome. I hope She's there with us, of course :) You are definitely helping Her, though, in doing your part to increase visibility on campus. If we build upon our Community...]

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Amanda Simpson Appointed Senior Technical Advisor For The U.S. Bureau Of Industry And Security:

(from Pam's House Blend)

"I'm truly honored to have received this appointment and am eager and excited about this opportunity that is before me. And at the same time, as one of the first transgender presidential appointees to the federal government, it demonstrates a commitment to hire the best qualified for a position and thus this appointment is symbolic of future opportunities for many others."

-Amanda Simpson

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First Ever Gay Sex Scene On Daytime TV: Yesterday, television history was made when One Life to Live aired the first ever gay sex scene on daytime TV.

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Malawi's First Same-Sex Wedding Ends In Arrests: (from Jezebel): "Following Malawi's first same-sex wedding on Saturday, the newlyweds were jailed for 'gross indecency':

Tiwonge Chimbalanga and Steven Monjeza must have known the likely outcome of the ceremony: homosexuality and sodomy are illegal in Malawi, and punishable by up to 14 years in jail. And the timing was no accident: Uganda has recently proposed an Anti-Homosexuality Bill that would condemn convicted homosexuals with life imprisonment or death, as in the Sudan. Meanwhile, Senegal and Burundi have both publicly cracked down on homosexuality (already illegal in 37 African nations). And in general southern Africa, not incidentally with the vocal encouragement of US-based Christian evangelical groups, is a dangerous region to be openly gay. Thus, the couple's ceremony was an exercise in protest as well as commitment: a public statement of sorts.

The Malawi law society has publicly called the wedding 'against the order of nature,' and the couple will come up for trial shortly. In 2006, the Anglican Church posted Bishop Nick Henderson, a cleric known for his support of gay rights, to head a Malawian diocese; the move led to protests and, ultimately, the death of a parishioner. Since then, the country has become more conservative. But the hundreds of attendees at the ceremony - and the outcry the arrests are drawing - may have already made their point."

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Uganda may use oil to leverage capital punishment for gays: Oil reserves as large as Saudi Arabia's may soon embolden Ugandan officials who've been threatening to punish homosexuals with death, just as independently oil wealthy Saudi Arabia does.

“If Museveni wants the bill to pass, it will pass,” says Charles Langwa Bbaale, president of the Ugandan Ecological Party. “And, even if it doesn't pass, or only part of it passes,” Bbaale adds, “it will have done what it's supposed to do if it distracts from other issues like poverty and hunger, and the lack of democracy.”

And, Yoweri Museveni (Uganda's president since 1986) may soon control so much oil that he can hang all the gay people, and whomever else, he wants, as freely as King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia, and otherwise carry on his epic career as all around tyrant and human rights criminal.

Anonymous Posts(12.21.09–12.27.09)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks or hate speech. Feel free to submit your thoughts and questions :)

Hey all! Hopefully everyone's having an awesome break. I've been spending mine counting down to New Year's Eve with Kathy Griffin and Anderson Cooper.

We didn't get any anonymous posts two weeks ago (12.14-12.20), mostly because the Dukies were busy catching up on a semester's worth of sleep. But y'all have definitely stepped it up this week! The comments on the last three posts (not to mention the posts themselves) have been equally intriguing and touching. The discourse, empathy and support among friends and strangers alike on this blog is really pretty amazing. Personally, it is consistently reassuring after seeing all of the hate in the news that this Community not only exists, but is strong, and is there for each other.

But anyhow! Here are the posts from this week. As always, these require our responses, so let's get to it :)

#1

Hi so I saw where you posted something about Uganda, so I figured international LGBT issues are just as welcome as American ones. I'm doing my thesis on a group of people in South Asia called the hijras - they can be best thought of as male-to-female transgenders. The NC Consortium for South Asian Studies (the Duke/UNC/NC State organization for South Asian studies) liked my thesis website enough to link it to their blog, so I thought I'd share it with you guys as well.

Happy holidays!

link: http://lisa.cs.duke.edu/~john/finalproject/index.html

-John

[Ed. Note: Thanks, John!]

#2

Hi Everyone,

Recently, I've been asked by JournElism.org/United Press International to write a 5 articles series on an important issue I hold dear to me. I've chosen LGBTQ equality as one and women's issues as a close second. Anyway, I need to identify 5 key players in the realm of LGBTQ issues (it can be anyone) and have to submit an outline/interview questions.

I would really appreciate any feedback/ideas you all have. So far, I've identified Brian Bond, the White House Deputy Director of Public Affairs, Joe Solmonese (President of HRC), Tammy Baldwin, Wanda Sykes, Ellen Degeneres, Bishop Gene Robinson, etc. Clearly women of color are missing, so any suggestions on that would be a plus. Any out LGBTQ persons or allies in policy-making positions would be especially helpful. Also, any questions you might have for such persons would be great!

In the end, I envision the article series to go beyond the popular gay marriage debate and into some concrete issues that not everyone is familiar with. Things like ENDA, housing discrimination, health issues, even LGBTQ youth (how at risk they are), the Bullying Act, etc.

Any help (small or big) would be fully appreciated!!!

Happy Holidays,

Michelle

[Ed. Note: Hopefully we can help! Readers, I know you've got this one.]

#3

I don't really know what it is I want to write. Or what the point of this post is. But, I've been writing this post in my head for a few weeks now and I feel like I should take the leap and type it out and send it in. For years now, I've been "questioning." It wasn't something I thought about every day, but certain situations made me internally confront my sexuality before immediately supressing my thoughts and moving on with my life. I played this game with myself for a while (honestly, I don't really remember when it started...which is saying something). I met with a new psychiatrist recently to address some other issues when I finally broke my silence. That first appointment I avoided my shrink's questions, but for the next few weeks all I could think about was rehearsing what I'd say next time. Despite how easy it all came in my head and how long I've secretly yearned to have someone to talk to about this, during the next session I found myself hyperventilating, sweating, lightheaded and unable to make eye contact; my heart beat was pounding and I had a serious knot in my stomach. I felt sick for the rest of the day. A HUGE ally with a tolerant, liberal family (and friends), I don't know why this is such a struggle for me. And while I used to not think about it often, recently it's the only thing on my mind. Any quiet downtime I have, I'm running through things in my head. Still, I'm more confused than ever by my sexuality. And you'd never know it.

[Ed. Note: I will leave advice and the like to our comments section, but know that you are not the only person that's dealt with this. Far from it. In fact, this reminds me of post #1 from three weeks ago. Just as I told her, I'll say that I think you'll find that a lot of the Readers have gone through a similar process.]

#4

I have always hated being home for breaks, but the past two weeks have been the absolute worst. This semester, I started my first romantic relationship with another woman (though I've known I was queer for much longer) and being back with my family reminds me how close-minded they are. Well, "close-minded" may not be the right word, but "conservative" definitely is.

It's not even the LGBT stuff that gets to me. My sister is looking at colleges and my dad considers racial diversity a negative aspect of a school and she's not allowed to go to a university that is not religiously affiliated. Ever since I've realized that race and gender equality issues are of paramount importance to me, I've felt a growing distance from my family; they see me as formerly perfect, traditional daughter who got brainwashed by her "radical" group of friends at school (I know, Duke is "radical" to them *eyeroll*) and sort of tune me out whenever I try to explain my views.

So this sexuality thing is like the icing on the cake. We almost NEVER bring up sexuality, not even in a general or theoretical way, so telling them that I'm friends with a lot of gay people and that I consider myself queer is not on the radar. And telling them about my girlfriend (whom they've met on many occasions) is simply out of the question.

For a while, I was really depressed about the fact that I couldn't be open with my parents, but now I just feel feel like they don't deserve to know. When they make me feel like my opinions and emotions are valid, I will be honest with them. But for now, I'll walk the awkward line I'm always tip-toeing on at home: maintaining the prized-daughter status I had in high school while trying to get them to accept and understand what is important to me now. I just need to survive until January 12, when I'm surrounded by everyone and everything I love once again.

[Ed. Note: Going home for the break seems to be rough on a lot of the Readers in this respect. Thanks for sharing your story :)]

Looking back, looking forward.

I need to start being honest about something. This last year’s been pretty rough. As long as I’ve been the me I remember, I’ve told myself that I could make it through anything, alone if need be—that no matter what happened, I could always remain stable and centered, grounded by logic and rationalism. I didn’t need help because I had to be there for people for when they struggled. On most fronts, I succeeded. But I lost a few things along the way.

For example, the ability to ably express emotion to others (caffeine-fueled excitement doesn’t count). Gone. I’m sure an event or two has slipped my mind, but since the middle of May or so, the most I could do in the presence of others was look mildly distraught and deep in thought. Whatever the cause, it resulted in me just kind of having an excess of sadness I needed to deal with whenever others weren’t around, which was unfortunate and, in a word, inconvenient. But that’s just kind of how emotions are.

My ex and I broke up in January—he was my first—and since then I’ve been even more self-indulgent with my introspection than usual. I’ve experimented a lot with the various friendships in my life—admittedly, and shamefully, sometimes to the detriment of kindness, friendship, and my better judgment. I wanted to foster true connections and conversations and, well, love. But I’ve been so focused on the process I’ve forgotten the purpose.

The questions were many: do I work better alone or with someone else? What role do I want my friends to play in my life? What makes a friendship successful? Do friendships necessarily obey certain constraints of such things as time spent together, shared interests, and shared experiences? Or, rather, is it something intangible that draws us together? Romance, too, as well as intimacy, raised their own series of questions.

All in all, it’s been a pretty eventful, if somewhat unusual, year. It has seen the majority of my coming out process, brief flurries of romance (probably ill-advised, though I don’t do regrets), lots of ambiguity and mixed signals. If I had to pick one word to classify the year, I think it would be lonely. Much of the time, I felt like some sort of social scientist, observing and classifying behaviors and patterns without truly being a part of the systems I study. It’s been a year of sadness and disappointment. Hopefully next year I’ll do better.

What I came here to write, though, was about all the time I’ve been spending with my family and what I’ve seen. In a word, love. I think I’ve fallen completely in love with my nephews, just as will surely happen with their yet-unborn siblings. The love and care I’ve seen from their parents—my siblings in particular—has created some sort of empathic response. I feel joy and anguish with them, and just tonight I was finally able to cast myself into my brother’s place and feel the intense love and responsibility of fatherhood. There’s a certain powerlessness to it too. Or at least, that’s what I felt in my brother’s place. It was entirely magical and I could simply feel how life-changing a birth is. At the same time, a felt a certain separation, as though these were emotions I wasn’t exactly intended for.

I’m expressing myself quite poorly, and I’m sorry for that. I’ll give it one more go:

I have decided, for good, that I think I am here on this planet to learn how to love (it should be obvious I am not talking about romance nor, necessarily, intimacy). Sometimes I forget that, sometimes for as long as a year at a time. I understand that questions need not have answers and that stories need not have endings, and time will continue to make me more comfortable with this. Despite a rocky year, seeing the familial love in our household this winter break has reinvigorated my hope for myself and for the world. If only for a moment, I feel like I’m back again, hopeful and whole, ready for the coming year, wherever it leads me. Like I said, I don’t do regrets.

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Onion News: "Gays Too Precious To Risk in Combat": Props to Cole for finding this:

Merry Christmas! Have some judgment.

Yayayayay it’s Christmas! Almost. It’s a time of homecoming: families and friends are reunited and we show our love for each other with gifts. It’s also a religious holiday, which is a mixed bag for me. I put on a nice face and sing at church and wonder what people would think if they knew.

Ugh. You’d think I'd be past that by now. But no.

It's not entirely surprising. I’m out to all of my immediate family, and slowly to some of the less immediate ones, but it’s always hard to know what you can and can’t say (or wear—I brought all of my Love=Love shirts home, if only to annoy my sister. I wore it a few times last year while tutoring at an elementary school and was somewhat uncomfortable, but the school didn’t have a problem with it, so neither did I). My mother told me that she had recently told her sister(-in-law) and that her reaction had been something along the line of, “Oh, I’m sorry to hear he’s made that choice.” Which I’m not even for a moment going to pretend isn’t hugely offensive. It isn’t as though this particular woman doesn’t know me. I’ve stayed at her house probably a dozen times now and our family often spent Thanksgiving with hers.

I don’t know exactly what happened after that; hopefully my parents stood up for me, as they apparently did in another similar incident in which the folks said “love the sinner, hate the sin.” To which I simply respond with incredulity: I mean, you’ve already implicated yourselves in prejudice. You’re on a roll. Why not keep going?

At first I thought it had something to do with how exactly my parents were telling them. Tone of voice says a lot, as do the exact circumstances in which you tell them. If you treat it as a big deal, so will they. If you don’t, well, they’ll probably be so surprised by your cavalierism (It's a word. Promise.) they won’t get to show you their lack of acceptance.

So that's something I’ve been working on lately: casually introducing jokes or sexuality–relevant bits of discussion into conversation so that my family doesn’t treat it as such a big deal. We’ll see if it works (get back to you soon on that!).

It can be difficult with the family though—or, in general, with people who aren’t used to talking about it as much as I am. Last weekend I went to Portland to visit the only other guy from my high school class who’s come out. When I told my mom this, she made it sound like a disease: “Oh, so he's also…gay?” Yes, mother.

Additionally, it’s just kind of hard to talk about with my sister and brother–in–law, both of whom are fairly conservative Catholic (we’re all Catholic, but most of us aren’t quite as strictly traditional as those two). I’ve easily had eight hours of discussions of LGBT–related issues with the two of them, and after all that, my brother-in-law said, “Well, I guess I’m still just not sure that it isn’t a choice.” Which is, I hope, understandably frustrating to hear. But what do I say to that? It seems so obvious to me that no one would wish this upon themselves that I just don’t know what to say next—not that having it be undesirable means it’s not a choice, but there’s also a preponderance of evidence suggesting that it’s a natural thing.

There’s just such a huge range of how comfortable different people can be with it or talking about it that it can make communication difficult. For now, I do what I can for my family, sending them links to blog entries or news stories which have meant a lot to me and hoping they’ll get around to reading them. In a day or two they’ll all be around; I’m hoping to get them to that next level of comfort, and if they’re not ready for it, it’ll just be their responsibility to talk with me privately about it.

There’s no instruction manual to all this “being gay” business (though a friend tells me I can learn almost anything from the Golden Girls, so might have to give them a try). I hate that and I love it. But it’s part of my life. It’s not an opt-in thing; it will always be there, whether I like it or not. I think I like it.

But that’s just personal stuff. Forget about it. It is Christmas, after all. Let’s be friends and family and enjoy each other’s company. I hope all of you, dear readers and fellow contributors, have a wonderful holiday season, whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Festivus, or anything else. Happy birthday, Jesus.

When Winter Break Starts Feeling Too Long...

I didn’t want my blog entries to be about me—I wanted them to be about other people. Find, learn, and record the very important stories of my peers. That was my goal. That was why I wanted to participate as a writer, even though I’m very critical of my writing ability.

But it’s winter break, I just came out to my dad, and I’m freaking out, so please forgive the creative license I’m taking here. I hope you don’t mind if I’m using this blog as a tool for some of my own thought processes that I need to go through. I’m expecting that getting this out will help me from feeling so trapped. I’m going to try and speak in general terms, since this is going online and we seem to have many readers. But I want to be honest and as transparent as possible.

I’m hurting a lot. I don’t know if it’s because being home is hard, or if it’s because my dad and I haven’t had a follow up conversation yet, or if it’s because I feel stuck, or if it’s because I’m changing faster than the people around me. It’s probably a combination of all of these things. And I’m not known for my patience.

What is supposed to happen next? Why did I open up to my dad when I came home? When I need my community most, why am I 3,000 miles from my safe haven? I’m not regretting that I did it, but maybe I should have double-checked my access to socializing a little better first. I’m definitely stoked for the LGBT Discussion Group. (Chris, please schedule one early in the semester!) Or it could be that all this stress is coming from the Holiday Season. I’m not a big fan of holidays. But we won’t get into that.

I must say, I’m kind of crushed that no one is updating over break. I know everyone is super busy but there ARE people who AREN’T as busy. So you should even write a few short paragraphs about something. Anything. So that way, when I’m checking the blog for the twentieth time, there will be something new to read, some hilarious insight to films, or sexual health, or coming out. Please post. Anonymous readers, please submit something.

Like I said, I don’t want to go into details. Those will be freely given on a one on one basis if you’d like to know more about me. I like new friends, and closer friends. I hope this transmits my overall feeling of anxiety and loneliness. 17 days until I’m back in Durham, but who’s counting?

I’m so excited for the LGBT Center Spring programming, and I don’t even know what events there will be yet. But I’m sure they’re gonna be great.

As a few final notes:

I want to encourage all the Duke women to submit to the All of the Above show. Here’s the Facebook link, it’s an amazing production.

I shaved my head while I was still at Duke…to make my big steps feel a little more tangible…so that’s what the photo is all about.

Also thankful for all my friends who have made it home safely from abroad (those storms seemed to detain many of you) and safe travels to those heading out in the spring.

Thank you so much for all of your comments last week.

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Mexico City Legalizes Gay Marriage! Mexico City lawmakers on Monday made the city the first in Latin America to legalize same-sex marriage, a change that will give homosexual couples more rights, including allowing them to adopt children.

Do you want to know me? I'd like to know you too.

Everyone… I’m freaking out. I’m terrified, things are changing and I’m swept up in a huge transition. I wanted to make this blog strictly about putting a face to the LGBTQA community, to interview others and to get closer to those I didn’t know.

What I wasn’t exactly anticipating was the questions I’d get in return…or the challenges to identify…to come out. Since my time at Duke, I haven’t put a name to my orientation. I hide safe behind my Ally card while urging others to come out to their parents, their friends, and their professors. I’ve spent a lot of time in heterosexual relationships so I don’t have to deal with questions or confrontation, prejudice or hate.

But then I met Ashe. And everything changed.

If you don’t know Ashe, you NEED to. I’m not gonna tell her story because I haven’t asked her yet. Although I don’t think she’d mind, I’m big on asking permission. So I’ll save that for another time, and just tell my side. She helped me see a ton of the inconsistencies in what I believed in: to push others to tell their parents about their sexuality while I was able to happily avoid mine. I know some people shouldn’t be pushed, some people aren’t ready to be pushed, and some people don’t respond to aggressive pushing, so it’s definitely not something that I would recommend for everyone. But it worked for me.

So on Tuesday night, I came out to my dad.

I still don’t identify with one label because I have this issue with thinking that I’m appropriating a community that isn’t entirely mine yet (Let’s work on that). I know it’ll be a process. I think the term Bisexual gets a lot of grief (which NEEDS to be talked about), and I like the term Queer a lot. Maybe if I let it marinate a little bit I might be able to use that. But I’m not there yet.

I don’t mean to commandeer this blog entry and tell the details of my coming out story because I’ve finally had to really empathize with how intimate and difficult it really is. My conversation with my dad went a lot worse than I expected…but it wasn’t horrible. It ended with a hug and an “I love you” from him, so I’m counting myself incredibly fortunate and hoping that time will help it be less difficult.

It’s hard to put this online. As I’m typing this, I’m doubting my decision to put it online….because I’m scared. But if I dare to collect stories and give peoples names and photos and personal information, then I want to be on the front lines. We need to stand in solidarity and talk about safe sex, and sexual abuse, and relationships, and transgender issues, and adoption, and so many other things.

My name is Summer Puente and I want to stand next to you, not just behind you.

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Rwanda to vote on bill criminalizing homosexuality: From the International Gay and Lesbian Human Rights Commission: On December 16, 2009, the lower house of the Rwandan Parliament will hold its final debate on a draft revision of the penal code that will, for the first time, make homosexuality a crime in Rwanda. A vote on this draft code will occur before the end of the week. The International Gay and Lesbian Human Rights Commission (IGLHRC) has learned that the proposed Article 217 of the draft Penal Code Act will criminalize "[a]ny person who practices, encourages or sensitizes people of the same sex, to sexual relation or any sexual practice." If the Chamber of Deputies approves, the draft code will go before the Rwandan Senate most likely in early 2010. Article 217 violates Rwandans' basic human rights and is contradictory to the Rwandan Constitution as well as various regional and international conventions.

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BBC Slammed For Debating Ugandan Bill To Kill Gays: "The British Broadcasting Corp. suffered criticism from lawmakers Wednesday for inviting debate on whether homosexuals should face execution in Uganda.

BBC's "Africa Have Your Say" Web site asked for people's views on whether Uganda has gone too far and whether there should be any laws against gays.

The page's title was originally "Should homosexuals face execution?" but was later changed to "Should Uganda debate gay execution?" Several British politicians said the taxpayer-funded broadcaster should not treat the execution of gays as a legitimate topic for discussion.

"We should be looking at what is going on in Uganda with abhorrence," said lawmaker Eric Joyce of the ruling Labour Party. "We should be condemning it, and the BBC should be condemning it. ... Instead it seems to have thought it appropriate to come up with something that suggests it's a subject for discussion." ...

The BBC's World Service Africa program editor, David Stead, defended the debate. In a blog posted on the BBC Web site, he said editors had "thought long and hard about using this question" and sought to reflect the diverse views about homosexuality in Africa.

"We agree that it is a stark and challenging question, but think that it accurately focuses on and illustrates the real issue at stake," he said."

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Mecklenberg, North Carolina approves domestic partner benefits: North Carolina's largest county, Mecklenberg, which includes Charlotte, has approved domestic partner benefits for workers.

"The Mecklenburg County Board of Commissioners split along party lines at their meeting Dec. 15, approving domestic partner benefits for same-sex couples 6-3. The county joins six other local North Carolina governments offering similar benefits. "

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Gov. Paterson signs order protecting state employees against gender identity discrimination:

From the Office of Governor Patterson:
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
December 16, 2009

GOVERNOR PATERSON SIGNS GENDER IDENTITY AND EXPRESSION EXECUTIVE ORDER

Executive Order Will Protect State Workers from Discrimination Based on Gender Identity

Governor David A. Paterson today signed Executive Order No. 33 that will prohibit New York State agencies from discriminating against any individual on the basis of gender identity and expression in any matter pertaining to employment by the State. Executive Order No. 33 directs the Office of Employee Relations, in consultation with the Executive Director of the Division of Human Rights, to develop and implement clear and consistent guidelines prohibiting gender identity and expression discrimination by all State agencies.

...

Currently, 13 states and over 90 municipalities and counties - including the City of New York - prohibit discrimination on the basis of gender identity and expression by statute, and numerous others have imposed such a ban through executive action or policy.

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The story of a young Ugandan gay couple: (from The Daily Monitor) A proposed anti-gay law could make Uganda perhaps the most dangerous place for homosexuals and drive the gays of Uganda further underground. In a rare interview, the first of its kind with a newspaper journalist, a lesbian told Saturday Monitor’s Rodney Muhumuza why she is very scared.
...
Ms Kalende has been openly gay since 2002, several years before she became a rights activist with the group Freedom and Roam-Uganda, six years before she met the woman she calls the love of her life.
...
In the intimate scheme of things, Ms Kalende plays the stronger partner, encouraging her lover, whom she affectionately calls Mimi, to be brave and allaying her concerns about safety in Uganda. “When she starts to cry, I don’t cry,” Ms Kalende said. “I want to be stronger than she is. But I feel bad, of course. She is really scared about what’s going on at home.”
...
In press conferences hastily called to condemn the gays of Uganda, Ethics Minister Nsaba Buturo has been revving up the rhetoric, telling reporters that homosexuals can “forget about human rights”. In a recent press briefing, Dr Buturo asked homosexuals to “leave us alone”.
...
When Ms Kalende agreed to talk to a journalist about how the proposed law made her feel, she first sought the consent of her partner.
She said yes, but with the caveat that “you don’t put me out there”. Before she left Uganda, Ms Kalende’s partner had sought to convince her lover to go slow with her activism, to keep a low profile, to just hang in there. It was the kind of advice Ms Kalende was always reluctant to accept.
...
In one of those moments when Ms Kalende would stop to give a thoughtful response, she came across as resigned to a destiny she had no way of foretelling. “We’ve never been through this,” she said, preparing to ask a question for which she get no answer.

“Even with the existing law, things have never been this serious. I don’t know if things will ever be normal for us. Tell me, what will happen to us?”

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Marriage Equality Passes in Washington D.C.: The Associated Press reports that the Washington, D.C., City Council voted Tuesday to legalize gay marriage in the nation's capital, handing supporters a victory after a string of recent defeats in Maine, New York and New Jersey.

Mayor Adrian Fenty has promised to sign the bill, which passed 11-2, and gay couples could begin marrying as early as March. Congress, which has final say over Washington's laws, could reject it, but Democratic leaders have suggested they are reluctant to do so.

The bill had overwhelming support among council members and was expected to pass, though opponents have vowed to try to get Congress or voters to overturn it.

See You Soon! Directions On How To Use The Blog For The Next Month Or So

Today is officially the first day of winter break for Duke students. You may not be able to see me smiling right now wearing pajamas in bed at 1 PM on a Monday, but make no mistake: I am smiling right now wearing my pajamas in bed at 1PM on a Monday. Last week was finals week on campus, which is a time when engineering students pore over textbooks and notes in order to master the derivation and application of several centuries worth of scientific progress and theory in order to even have an infinitesimal chance at passing their exams while the arts and sciences kids procrastinate their papers on topics like "Philosophy of the Alphabet" ("But how does the letter T feel?") and "My Breakfast This Morning: A Closer Look at My Breakfast This Morning." The bottom line is that this is what was behind our lack of columns and features last week (besides Summer's interview with Ari, because she's a baller like that).

The Blog Staff is now on break until next semester, though by no means does that mean that this blog will be dead until then. I will definitely continue to post anonymous entries every Monday as I get them. If someone sends in a coming out story (using the link on the side bar or by emailing us at bluedevilsunited@gmail.com) I'll also post that the following Wednesday. I would also stay tuned for news updates, and wouldn't count out the random appearance of a column or two.

This is also a great opportunity to go through any of the 124 previous posts that you may have missed or want to read again. Especially those that you forgot to comment on. Remember when you forgot to comment on that post? Me too. Take care of that!

A list of links to all non-news posts for your convenience after the jump...

Columns:

Aliza: "Election Round-ups: What We've Lost and What We've Gained"

Ari: "Movie Review: The Bubble"

John: "Mommy, can you help me tie my shoes? Oh…and by the way, I’m gay"

Jack: "Oh Hell No! Grrl, hold my earrings."

Oli: "Friday Night"

Aliza: "The Effectiveness of Having Principles"

Robert: "PDgAy? Fine with Me"

Patrick: "This Is What Happens When You Switch Your Major From Engineering To Linguistics…"

Nick: "Bro-sex (and other subtleties of being out and Greek)"

Matt: "Oh, him? He's gay."

Aliza: "Don't Forget to Remember"

Chris: "Love, Survive, Organize: The Bull City Vigil for Jorge and Jason"

Ari: "Movie Review #2: Get Real"

Aliza: "Identity Crisis: does the Movement require that we check a box?"

Robert: "Mixed Blood"

Nick: "A Strange Encounter"

Justin: "Party Boy Chad, Psychosexual Revelations, G-Bombs, and Other Thoughts"

Jack: "Sex, Sex, Sex and More Sex"

Oli: "Velociraptors"

Matt: "Rainbows, Buttons, Flags, and Umbrellas"

Features:

Anonymous Posts (11.9.09-11.15.09)

Anonymous Posts (11.16.09-11.22.09)

Anonymous Posts (11.23.09-11.29.09)

Anonymous Posts (11.30.09-12.6.09)

Anonymous Posts (12.7.09-12.13.09)

Every Gay Should Know #1: Maine's Question 1 Ad Campaign

Every Gay Should Know #2: Gay Media Pioneers Bert and Ernie

Coming Out Story #1

Coming Out Story #2

Coming Out Story #3

Interview #1.1: Viviana Santiago

Interview #1.2: Viviana Santiago

Interview #2.1: Ari Bar-Mashiah

Interview #2.2: Ari Bar-Mashiah

Every Duke Gay Should Know #1: 2007 Addition of "Gender Identity" to Duke's Non-Discrimination Policy

Every Duke Gay Should Know #2: The Gothic Queers

So Far, So Very Very Good.

Our blog recently celebrated its one-month birthday. And what a month it's been! Including news blurbs, we've had 124 posts written by 13 different BDU members. Google Analytics tells me that the site has been visited 4,066 times by 1,172 people from 33 different countries. We're only 8 states short of the full 50. Our post on the Durham Vigil for Jorge and Jason was featured on Pam's House Blend, which is read nationally and revered personally.

I don't think any of us foresaw this level of success! At the same time, though, I'm not surprised. The entire staff has come up so big for this blog, and every incredible outcome is largely due (and directly proportional) to the hard work and passion of the people involved. So thank you, Staff, for everything. Y'all rock, and I hope you are witnessing the positivity and progress you are effecting in the comments section, the anonymous posts, and even around campus. Keep up the good work! I'm looking forward to a ton of fun next semester :)

To the Readers. You have carried this blog as well! Your questions and input alike are so important to a Duke (and evidently national) Community that is starving for these conversations. Continue to visit, and spread the word. This project is only going to get bigger. We've got some sweet ideas for next semester...

Happy Holidays,

Chris Perry

Editor

P.S. Today is also the five-day anniversary of the Glee season finale, where this happened:

So I'll be celebrating (read: "performing") that, too, today (in my underwear, most likely) if you'd like to follow suit. Just saying.

Anonymous Posts(12.7.09–12.13.09)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks or hate speech. Feel free to submit your thoughts and questions :)

Last week saw the most lively discussion under an anonymous posts post (I've got to figure out a better way to say that) since our launch. It has always been clear from the start that we have The Best Readership, but y'all really earned the title over those several days. Let's throw Comment Parties all the time from now on, because that was awesome.

This week's entries are just as respondable (a word, now), so I'll see you in the comments section :)

#1

College is supposed to be a time of self-discovery, right? What if I'm scared to think too hard about it? I might not be the straight girl that my family thinks I am. I don't even know. I do know I will never tell them how I feel; they've already made their feelings on the subject quite clear without any prompting from me. It hurts when they do that. So I act like the perfect daughter, but it gets harder every time I go home.

[Ed. Note: This is a situation that many of Us have gone through. Introspection - and extrospection, while we're at it - on these issues is just as important and ultimately worthwhile as it is potentially tough and long-term. While I'll leave advice to the commenters, I will say that at the very least, You are far from the only one that this has ever happened to. You're not alone, and I think you'll find a lot of empathy in the Readers here.]

#2

I've decided to come out next semester to my close friends and to come out to my Dad (the last immediate family member) over Christmas break. Wish me luck!

[Ed. Note: I'm totally cheering for you. Good luck with everything! Let us know how it goes? :)]

#3

I am a recently admitted member of the class of 2014, and I wanted to thank all involved with this blog. As a (mostly) closeted gay male living in an overwhelmingly conservative area, I can honestly say that this blog is making my wait to start anew all the more difficult. But I can wait; in the end, the reward will be that much sweeter. Thank you, BDU, and keep up the good work.

[Ed. Note: Hey! Thank YOU. It's superimportant to us that prospective and admitted students find our blog. Continue reading, My Favorite '14er So Far. I'm also taking this as an early commitment to be on the blog staff? Awesome. See you in a few months!]

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Houston becomes the largest city to elect an openly LGBT chief executive! Annise Parker, who was endorsed by the Victory Fund, won her runoff election against Gene Locke, a former city attorney, after a year-long campaign that drew national attention both because of the potential for a history-making outcome and because of coordinated anti-gay campaigns designed to prevent her victory.

Chuck Wolfe, president and CEO of the Victory Fund, said the win was significant not just for Houston, but for all LGBT Americans. "This is a watershed moment in American politics. One of the largest cities in the country will be headed by an out lesbian, chosen by people who voted for her because of her experience and competence. Houston rejected the politics of division and the extremists failed," Wolfe said. "After a bittersweet political year for the LGBT community, it's nice to be able to smile this wide."

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Gay British soldier talks about coming out to his comrades: "An openly gay soldier in Afghanistan has spoken about the support and acceptance he has received from his comrades.

Trooper Ben Rakestrow, said that since he came out to his squadron a year ago he has faced nothing but harmless banter from his fellow soldiers.

The 21-year-old, who serves with 2nd Royal Tank Regiment (2RTR), said it was difficult to reveal his sexuality in such a high-testosterone environment. 'It was difficult to start with,' he said. 'I didn't know how they'd react.'"

"The army hasn't always been so accepting. In 1999, the year before the ban on gay personnel was lifted, 298 people were discharged for their sexuality.

But in 2000 a legal victory, fought for by three gay men and a lesbian, who had been discharged from the Royal Navy and RAF after being found to be gay, paved the way for openly gay servicemen and women.

British servicemen and women now march at Gay Pride in uniform."

I cannot wait for the day that this will be a reality for our brave servicemembers.

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Civil Unions legalized in Austria: Austria's parliament has approved legalising civil unions in the country.

Out of 174 lawmakers present, 110 voted in favour and 64 voted against, Associated Press reports.

The law is due to come into force on January 1st. It will provide gay couples with some of the rights and benefits enjoyed by heterosexual couples.

However, it reiterates the ban on gay couples adopting children or using IVF and artificial insemination.

Instead, benefits granted include rights to social security claims, inheritance and court trials.

Gay couples will not be able to hold their ceremonies at civil registry offices, as heterosexual couples do. Instead, they will have to register at the municipal office or the magistrate's office."

“At Thanksgiving, it’s the turkey next to the kabob next to the hummus.”

I wish you could have been there as Ari shared his life with me. He comes from a Republican family in a town of 7000 people in Long Island. His high school was mostly white and Jewish, and by the time he graduated, was only out to four people. As we learned from last week’s blog entry, he didn’t like being closeted in high school since he didn’t have anyone to talk to about it.

Ari is a Jewish Israeli, with a mom from Tel Aviv and a father who served in Lebanon for six months. His family came to the United Stated based on persecution, so even though he does not consider himself very religious, he still feels very strongly about Jewish ethics and culture. “At Thanksgiving, it’s the turkey next to the kabob next to the hummus.” He remains very curious about his background and where he comes from, he says he knows it sounds cliché but “as an American I’ve become very detached, but I want to know more about my family.”

He spends his time reading and doing work (and watching films, as we know from his great film reviews on this blog). From how he talks about his shows, I can tell he watches a lot of TV too. Our interview was long and detailed and wonderful and he rattled off a list of his favorite things: The History Boys movie (Chris is going to make fun of him for this) [Ed. Note: Yeah, I am. This is The Weirdest Movie, Ari.], In Cold Blood, Into the Wild, The Smiths, his grandma’s food, New York pizza and bagels…

Ari is sensitive and hilarious but he showed a different side of himself when we sat down to talk. Granted, I don’t know Ari incredibly well in the first place, but it was great to listen to him wonder about the future. “I look forward to knowing how everything pans out. Where am I gonna be working? I don’t even know. It sounds so cheesy, but who am I gonna be marrying in Greenwich Connecticut and then going to where they accept me. I look forward to my parent’s acceptance as much as their growing process. I know my parents, I know what their reaction is gonna be. I want to see where my indecisiveness leads me.”

Our time together was interrupted due to the BDU meeting that was starting but I was able to get a little bit more information out of him. We talked about regrets, and he acknowledges that he’s going at his own pace so he doesn’t regret coming out sooner. He mentions that he regrets not being closer with his brother, but as he was saying this he realized that it’s definitely something he can still change. (So change it!)

One thing I do every night is think about three things I’m thankful for, so I ask this same question of my interviewees. Ari says, “Today I am thankful for my close friends here and at home, I’m thankful for (this goes back to the Jack thing) the LGBT students that are so comfortable with themselves, and I’m thankful I’m done with my history class.” I’m certain that we’re all thankful Ari is in our lives and I hope that he can continue to be a strong individual and be that beacon of light for some new individuals who are learning how to come out with their heads held high.