Every Gay Should Know #2: Gay Media Pioneers Bert and Ernie

[Ed. Note: Every Tuesday, we highlight an event, figure or tidbit of gay culture. Topics will range from the Stonewall Riots to Bea Arthur. Harvey Milk to the etymology of “fag.” Personally, just about all of these fall under “Everybody Should Know” for us. Bea included. This week's EGSK is late, making me the first person on the staff to not meet a deadline. This is just the sort of thing I want my staff to see me doing.]

Bert and Ernie are one of twelve Muppets that Jim Henson developed for the now 40 year-old television series Sesame Street. Though only briefly appearing in the pilot episode, the duo's segment tested best in focus groups and it became immediately apparent that the show should heavily feature them as stars. Bert and Ernie made their television debut on November 10, 1969.

They've been paving the way for homosexuals ever since.

That Bert and Ernie are in a long-term, committed gay relationship is proven and well known, or as Sesame Street's PR people put it, "Bert and Ernie... do not portray a gay couple, and there are no plans for them to do so in the future." Mere semantics.

Let's discuss the facts. These two "single" men are living together in an apartment on Sesame Street. Bert and Ernie sleep in separate twin beds, but these are located in the SAME ROOM. It is worth noting that not once has either complained about how small their mattresses are. Presumably, this is because the beds are arranged such that they can easily be pushed together to form a queen(s)-sized bed when the cameras stop rolling.

Even if these two guys are simply straight best friends that just haven't found the perfect woman, why are they spending all of their free time together? Fishing trips and vacations to Egypt? C'mon. Lovers.

Also, why would two heterosexual men choose to live together on Sesame Street of all places? Though we are never told just how to get to Sesame Street, we do know that it is somewhere in New York City. If you're on a non-numbered street in Manhattan and you see an establishment called The Furry Arms (a "hotel"), you're probably in The Village. Spend some time observing the indie guys who walk into the local thrift store Finders Keepers, and you'll see what I mean.

Sesame Street has exactly zero to offer straight men.

Say what they will, but writers haven't exactly kept Bert and Ernie's sketches free from [not-so-] subtleties. Is there no reason why there is an oil portrait of Bert and Ernie in their living room?

...and in their bedroom?

No, seriously, let's talk about this because this is bothering me and I think it's important. These are not photographs, nor are they pencil or chalk. These are PAINTED portraits. Using rates around my home in Patchogue, NY, this would have cost at least $2000 (I'm not even going to go into the fact that they're framed, too). So you mean to tell me that these two completely platonic heterosexual men spent over $2000 to have a portrait painted of them... and then commissioned ANOTHER for $2000 more? Sure. Normal guy stuff.

The rest of the home decor doesn't exactly keep the two puppets closeted, either. So many lamps and armchairs! I'm also sure that most straight men don't even know what valances are let alone would think to feature them on their windows. Two breeder men living together would also not keep the apartment that clean. Let's be honest.

I truly don't know how this is ambiguous for some, especially those in the community. Even if one were to successfully refute all of the things I've mentioned above, the sheer abundance of bananas in Bert and Ernie skits should be enough to realize that they are meant to be gay men:

I propose we celebrate the presence of these openly (as far as those lace curtains and I are concerned) gay characters on our TV screens. Homosexuals were not exactly popular on basic cable at the time, but Bert and Ernie fabulously broke the heteronormative mold. I consider them wholly responsible for the success of Will & Grace and Kurt on Glee. They are the Jackie Robinsons of gays in mainstream media, and it should be recognized that as a result were made to endure the same intolerance and adversity as all other social pioneers. Said Rev. Joseph Chambers in one of his radio shows in 1994:

Bert and Ernie are two grown men sharing a house and a bedroom. They share clothes, eat and cook together and have blatantly effeminate characteristics. In one show Bert teaches Ernie how to sew. In another they tend plants together. If this isn't meant to represent a homosexual union, I can't imagine what it's supposed to represent.

I agree, but contextually he was making his case to have the characters banned. Haha, all kidding aside, if they've pissed off some right-wingers then we should be honoring them gay OR straight. Good for them.

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Report: Homosexuality no factor in abusive priests: A preliminary report commissioned by the nation’s Roman Catholic bishops on the roots of the clergy sex abuse scandal found no evidence that gay priests are more likely than heterosexual clergy to molest children, the lead authors of the study said Tuesday.

The full report by researchers at the John Jay College of Criminal Justice won’t be completed until the end of next year. But the authors said that their evidence to date found no data indicating that homosexuality was a predictor of abuse.

Coming Out Story #2

[Ed. Note: Every Wednesday, we collect a coming out story and post it here, anonymously. They can be long or short, devastating or hilarious or boring or somewhere in between. The stories can be gathered in person or digitally - even using our "submit anonymously" link on the sidebar! If you'd like to send one in, email us at bluedevilsunited@gmail.com. If you don't feel like writing, we can meet in person, too, (ignore this PSA) and I'll transcribe your story here. Just let us know.]

Am I a lesbian? Probably. Am I bisexual? Maybe. Queer? Perhaps. I never put an official title on my sexuality and still don’t really. All I know is that I’ve been crazy about members of the so-called fairer sex, ever since I was old enough to go crazy about anyone. But I didn’t really name my feelings.

The first time I ever got my sexuality labeled was in the eighth grade. Her name was Corinne (name changed, of course). I walked her back home after a movie and we sat on her porch and just talked for hours. I don’t even remember the conversation. Staring at her evenly glossed lips, I was floating too high up in the air to really listen to what they were saying. She had the most perfect part right in the middle of her hair and the cleanest fingernails I had ever seen. Once she caught me not paying attention and shook her head and said, “You’re such a homo.” She was just joking, but I never really thought about that word until just right then.

Then I started thinking about it a lot and when I was 17, I finally did something about it: I fell in love with a girl. Indisputable-loco-crazy-maudlin-mushy-I-can’t-breathe-without-you-and-I-write-you-poems-instead-of-doing-homework love. You might know what I mean. Well, if you do, then you know it’s impossible to keep that sort of thing to yourself.

Eventually, I came out to my friends. One by one. Again and again, I expected to face some kind of rejection or have someone change the way they acted around me. No one did. Human beings. They really surprise me on a daily basis.

I’m still not completely out to my family, which is why I’m keeping this anonymous. Sometimes, I feel like I’m living two lives: one with my family and one with everyone else. But let me just say that it was never my purposeful intention to deceive anyone. I just don’t think my parents and grandparents are ready for it yet. I’m not ready for it yet.

Sometimes, I think about all the girls I had a major crush on, but never had the courage to admit to myself. I suppose the hardest person to come out to is yourself. It took love for me to realize a part of myself that had always existed. It took love for me to finally muster the courage to go to the LGBT Center (one of the best decisions of my life). And it’ll take love for me to come out completely to my family. But the best part is that I know it exists. Love.

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Lambda Legal brings 'equal (gay) pay for equal work' lawsuit against Arizona: "Under the leadership of Gov. Janet Napolitano, the Arizona state government in 2008 created a health insurance benefit for the domestic partners and children of state employees and retirees. This past September, the Arizona legislature stripped those benefits from state employees with now-Governor Jan Brewer's approval. Oh, but they made sure to retain spousal health benefits for heterosexual employees. Who do you think burdens the state budget more, the legions of heterosexual employees, or the handful of gay ones? Lambda Legal is suing."

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Beyoncé and Lady Gaga "Video Phone" Music Video: The fruits of this epic collaboration have been revealed. Now the only question is, what do you think of the results?

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Florida County Chooses 1st Openly Gay Mayor: FORT LAUDERDALE, Fla. -- Broward commissioners on Tuesday chose the county's first openly gay mayor to replace Mayor Stacy Ritter, who is stepping down after a turbulent year at the top. Commissioners made history when they unanimously elected Ken Keechl as the county's new mayor. The selection of a new mayor was part of Broward's annual changing of the guard in county leadership.

Watch: Video

Outgoing Mayor Stacy Ritter delivered the annual State of the County address. She said the county is in good shape despite having to cut 1,300 jobs and $400 million from its budget. Keechl said "budget, budget, budget" will be at the top of his priority list as he takes office. "We've got to continue lowering taxes and streamlining government. That's what it's all about," Keechl said. "We've got a lot of challenges ahead of us. We've done a great job so far, but there's more that needs to be cut." When asked what message his being chosen as an openly gay mayor sends to the public, Keechl said, "I learned yesterday that I'm now the highest ranking openly gay mayor in the country. I didn't even know that. I've been an openly gay man for years, as a lawyer, as a businessman and as a county commissioner. Basically, it just means that I'm no different than anybody else."

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Colbert Destroys R.I. Governor For Denying Gay Couples Death Rights:

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
The Word - Skeletons in the Closet
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor U.S. Speedskating

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Georgia High School Teacher Arrested for Putting 'Hit' on Student After Asking Teen if He Was Gay: Police have arrested Randolph Forde, a teacher at Mundy's Mill High School in Jonesboro, Georgia for allegedly putting a "hit" on a student after an incident in which he asked the student if he was gay.

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Observations from the Trenches in Maine: Thoughts on the loss of marriage equality in Maine by "No on 1" campaign manager Jesse Connolly.

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Anti-Gay Attacks Planned Against Houston Mayoral Candidate Annise Parker: 'The bottom line is that we didn't pick the battle, she did, when she made her agenda and sexual preference a central part of her campaign,' said Dave Welch, executive director of the Houston Area Pastor Council, numbering more than 200 senior pastors in the Greater Houston area. ... Parker, however, has not made these issues a central part of her campaign: "Parker has tread carefully in her candidacy for mayor, stressing frequently that she is running not as a gay candidate but as a qualified city official who's won election six times."

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[UPDATE] Arrest Made In Puerto Rico Gay Teen Jorge Steven Lopez Mercado Murder Case: A man was arrested in the early morning hours today in Cayey suspect in the murder of George Steven Lopez Mercado, the 19-year-old was brutally decapitated, dismembered and partially burned in an apparent hate crime for homophobia.

"'The FBI is monitoring this investigation with the Police of Puerto Rico because there are federal statutes under the laws of civil rights violations covered by hate crimes,' Rodriguez said early in reference to the newly adopted Law for Preventing Hate Crimes signed in October that President Barack Obama."

This Is What Happens When You Switch Your Major From Engineering To Linguistics…

I have recently decided to change my major from Biomedical engineering to a double major in Linguistics and Neuroscience. Excited to actually study something that I find enjoyable, I have been spending every minute of my day procrastinating by trying to memorize what Wikipedia has to say about linguistics and neuroscience. Also I have been reading and have finished In the Land of Invented Languages: Esperanto Rock Stars, Klingon Poets, Loglan Lovers, and the Mad Dreamers Who Tried to Build A Perfect Language by Arika Okrent. An astoundingly interesting book and a must read for anyone with a slight flair for language. My further meanderings into procrastination led me to attend UNC Chapel Hill’s LGBT student group’s meeting last Thursday where the topic was Trans 101 (I have to express my dearest apologies for I have forgotten the presenters surname, first name is Mandy). After which I felt that using gendered pronouns was now akin to hate crimes.

Yet instead of being inspired to fight for and rally for LGBT equality with civil disobedient vigor, I couldn’t help wondering that explicitly asking if one preferred male or female pronouns was a bit long-winded. Then a small voice inside my head uttered "the neuter case!" (which is common in the other Germanic languages). We would simply need to turn back the clock to old English where there was a plethora of pronouns. So just as we might say the gendered 'he' or 'her' we would say neutered 'hit.' We could even introduce different new and artificial pronouns for gender identity and expression; as well as transitions and intersexes and so on. There by mapping the English language to the current need for equality and representation.

Though ultimately this would not bring about equality though language, like Ludwik Łazarz Zamenhof hoped to do with his Esperanto, but it would make the tool that is language more, in a way, ergonomic. Yet such an overhaul is simply a flight of fancy; I do not expect nor actively entertain the idea that grammarians could be the new LGBT activists though I will certainly be a linguist of the movement. So now I leave you dear reader to write your next rally speech in old English.

PDgAy? Fine with Me

Oh look! They're holding hands; let's stare at them.

A typical high school hallway of giddy, giggling girls? Not quite. This is what many couples face every day of their lives, long after they've emptied their lockers. And before this semester, a level of conspicuousness to which I had yet been exposed…

“Do you wanna dance?”

A simple enough question, but for one of few out students on campus, one packed with consequences. It was nine o’clock on a Friday night in early September, and a large crowd had gathered outside the Chapel for Salsa on the Steps. Gorged with dinner from Bali Hai, I was ready to dance my butt off. Or so I thought. But to be perfectly honest, I was quite terrified. Outside the safety of Vespa or Thrive (if you keep an eye on your drink), I wasn’t sure how ready I was display my sexuality for everyone to see, both friend and stranger alike.

But I took his hand. And we started dancing. And… nothing happened. No thunder from the sky, no gasps of abhorred shock. Someone from the event started taking pictures, but despite the initial racing of my heart, I didn’t mind it that much. As I left the event my mind kept drifting back to that moment, a moment that I recognized as a step forward in my coming out process. And as the week wore on, I grew more and more daring in expressing and affirming myself: holding hands, cuddling on the quad, kissing. Yes, kissing.

This is the part where I could either write a gumdrop fairy tale of how surprisingly accepting the campus can be of LGBT couples, or tear down an uplifting story with harsh realities of glares, scoffs, and feelings of scrutiny under a microscope that is Duke social life. The truth is, both scenarios exist. We’re only as open as we show ourselves to be, and we all come from different walks of life (ulgh, literary clichés). For some, that means finding a welcoming environment; for others, a bitter de-masking of false pretenses. As far as I’m concerned, the responsibility lies in the individual. You ultimately decide what world you want to live in, and your inaction can speak just as loudly as what you do decide to instigate. For me, that meant taking a risk, hoping I wouldn’t become a pariah by shoving my “homo agenda” in everyone’s face. And don’t I have that right? Don’t we all reserve the right to express our love freely without judgment from others—or, in a more practical state of mind, without too much vocal judgment from others? I believe so, and I hope you do to.

So don’t be afraid. Take the next step. Then another. And another. Soon, you’ll find we’re all marching in support with you.

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Melody Barnes's Semi-Endorsement Of Gay Marriage Causes Discomfort In White House: "...when one of Obama's top advisers, Melody Barnes, suggested that she personally supported gay marriage before a crowd at Boston College last week, it could have been a minor story. But it became a bigger one when the White House press office responded defensively, first insisting that no such support for gay marriage had been offered and then not signing off on the release of the video of Barnes's appearance until the dead-news hours of Friday afternoon."

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CNN interview with Will Phillips, 10-Year-Old who Won't Pledge Allegiance To A Country That Discriminates Against Gays:

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Gay Teen Decapitated, Dismembered and Burned in Puerto Rico: On November 14 the body of a gay 19 year old was found a few miles away from the town in which he was residing in called Caguas. He was a very well known person in the gay community of Puerto Rico, and very loved. He was found on the site of an isolated road in the city of Cayey, he was partially burned, decapitated, and dismembered, both arms, both legs, and the torso.

* * *

This is just horrific. But all the same, it deserves to be acknowledged. As does the reaction of the authorities: "The police agent that is handling this case said on a public televised statement that 'people who lead this type of lifestyle need to be aware that this will happen'.

Pagan said, 'Never in the history of Puerto Rico has a murder been classified as a hate crime. Even though we have to follow federal mandates and laws, many of the laws in which are passed in the USA such as Obama's new bill, do not always directly get practiced in Puerto Rico.'"

*Update*: Writers at AmeriBlog have created a petition to urge the Department of Justice to have the FBI investigate this case as a violation of our newly won federal hate crimes legislation. To sign the petition, go here.

The Effectiveness of Having Principles

This Saturday, Equality NC held its third annual Equality Conference at UNC Greensboro, an event which I attended along with a small group of Duke students. Of the sessions that I attended (and taking into account my exhaustion that day...oh lord, the stories...), one of the more interesting panels was a discussion of the Dallas Principles by some of its authors, Pam Spalding, Mandy Carter, and Jimmy Creech. For those of you who are not aware of what the Dallas Principles are, in short they are a list of goals, guiding principles, and a call to action for the LGBT rights movement, drafted by leaders in the movement in May of 2009. The crux of this document was the urgency and impatience of some in the LGBT rights movement, the sense that our rights must be won now, that you are either with us or against us, that our allies in government will only be counted as our allies if they actively work to help us attain our rights, and that the pussyfooting of this administration around working for full equality for the LGBT community will no longer be tolerated.

But what does this actually mean? What difference can the Dallas Principles really make? While these might have been created by the minds of many of this movement's leaders, unless these demands and goals are incorporated into the language of the larger movement, their effects seem to be minimal. And along the lines of embracing these goals, there is certainly still contention as to whether or not these principles really encompass the best path forward for the movement right now. One of the more immediate arguments confronts the demand of the authors of the Dallas Principles that change happen now. For some, this might appear to be a dangerous or reckless approach that would cut off more gradual methods of gaining rights (although the panel addressed this in their response to a similar question, clarifying that the principles were not meant to negate the organic evolution and calculated strategy of the movement). This issue is being grappled with throughout the movement. For example, a couple months ago Equality organizations in California voted on whether or not they would work toward repealing Proposition 8 in 2010 or wait until 2012. While some argued that we cannot wait, that marriage equality must be taken back now, that we need to use the momentum we have instead of running the risk of it fizzling out, others contended that we need more time to educate our neighbors and develop a more concrete foundation for winning this fight against Prop 8 at the ballot.

In addition to questions concerning the validity of the Principles themselves, a debate in which I personally fall on the side of largely agreeing with the goals and principles set forth, one of the greatest challenges for the propagation of these ideas is the ability of its authors and supporters to make these goals an integral part of the movement and how the movement functions. While the panel on the Dallas Principles at the Equality NC 2009 Equality Conference might have been informative for those that chose to go to it, what assurance is there that these participants will be willing to, or even have any interest in, spreading their new-found understanding? For that matter, what assurance is there that participants at any of the panels, or other events like the Conference, will propagate their knowledge to their peers?

There isn't any.

Like any other grassroots idea, the Dallas Principles rely on the willingness of the individual to first be educated and then be the educator. Unlike other movements that might be able to infect the minds of hundreds of thousands of followers with the ideas of a few men (cough* conservative republicans*), the movement for LGBT equality is rife with the opinions and ideas of many individually minded people working toward common goals, with different notions of how these goals might be reached. As such, it is important for us, as individuals, to evaluate each idea, each method proposed, critically and thoroughly in order to determine whether or not the suggestion conforms to our own understanding of the goals of our movement. It is our responsibility to be aware and to educate ourselves and those around us.

Anonymous Posts(11.9.09–11.15.09)

Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks or hate speech. Feel free to submit your thoughts and questions :)

#1:
Every time I log in to Facebook, this kid has a new status up. There's something about each one he posts that catches my attention. Either one of his friends has changed it without his knowledge so that it reads "_____ loves dick" and his friends join in with equally ignorant comments, or he's gone back and changed his status to say that the person who wrote the previous status "actually loves dick," or his friends have tried to insult a poetic or emotional status by simply writing "fag." under it. I truly do not understand these people. I am offended. What would you guys do in this situation?

#2:
Anonymous message to BDU, from an outsider:

Dear BDU,

I really appreciate everything you do to increase visibility of the gay community at Duke. Please know that there are more of us than just meets the eye. I am a 110% lesbian student here at Duke, although my looks and actions would never indicate my status as a minority sexuality. Yet although I lack the courage that you all have to come out, I am still very grateful for the way you promote gay rights and visibility on campus (and elsewhere), via activism and your programming. I am slowly taking small steps to coming out, and it's a hard process, (I know I'm preaching to the choir with that one), but I think that having this blog with a daily post to read-and perhaps relate to and even connect with-will be just one more beneficial push in the right direction: outside of the closet.

Thank you for this new blog and all of your work,

- A gay female undergrad sophomore at Duke


[Ed. Note: This last post made us feel all fuzzy inside, thanks for your kind words!]

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Argentine judge opens the door to marriage equality: Judge Gabriela Seijas ordered the civil registry to make official the marriage of Alejandro Freyre, 39, and Jose Maria Di Bello, 41, who had been denied their request because they were both men. It could increase pressure for lawmakers to take up a stalled gay marriage bill in Congress. The government of the City of Buenos Aires said it would not appeal a ruling that would pave the way for same-sex marriages in the capital.

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RI gov reconsiders gay civil rights: Thanks to a meeting with gay activists, Rhode Island Gov. Carcieri now says he’s open to a domestic partnership bill – just two days after vetoing a bill which would have given domestic partners the right to make funeral arrangements.

Every Duke Gay Should Know #1: 2007 Addition of "Gender Identity" to Duke's Non-Discrimination Policy

In 2005, Duke University's LGBT Task Force formed a committee to research and advocate for the extension of the university's nondiscrimination policy to transgender individuals. The committee examined policies favored by other states, corporation, and peer institutions, such as Yale, Harvard, Stanford, and Princeton. After ten months of research, it issued a report, recommending that the university protect transgender members of the university community from discrimination based on "gender identity or expression." In February 2007, the board of trustees approved an update to Duke's statement of equal opportunity that included the words "gender identity." It also voted to change the wording of the section covering LGBT individuals to refer to "sexual orientation" rather than "sexual orientation or preference," to reflect the evolution in the ways that sexual orientation is understood.

Sounds great on paper, right? Fast forward to August 30, 2007, when a parent's complaints resulted in the eventual relocation of a transgender student from a West Campus dorm to an off campus apartment.

So I ask myself, how far is our university willing to go to protect a transgender student? Is it really just an advocate until the threat of a lawsuit arises? What does the fact that it took three years for the inclusion of "gender identity" to be voted on by trustees say about our university's willingness to pioneer the way for LGBT student rights? What does our administation's response to the transgender student's housing situation only months after the nondiscrimination policy was officially changed say about the weight of this commitment to equal rights?

Two years later, as we look ahead to the construction of a new dorm wing on West Campus, with no administrative mention of active measures being taken to ensure that the new housing options will accomodate transgender students...how much has really changed?

Friday Night

19 yr old wht duke student, 6’3”, 200lbs. brown/green, ddf, athletic. hwp plz, only looking for ppl around my age, if u cld be my dad I wont reply. i can host, or go to urs. hit me up if you’re looking for nsa fun, ur pics get mine.

Every night countless personals like the above go up on what I like to call the ‘Core Four’ of dating websites - Craigslist, Manhunt, Adam4Adam and Gaydar. Just like the sororities except with fewer champagne breakfasts, but just as many secret rituals. There’s not a lot of originality to be found in these ads. You’re either gl or vgl (good looking or very good looking, vvgl would be shameless). The number of body physiques isn’t particularly diverse either - you can either be athletic or have a swimmer’s body. And God help you if you aren’t hwp (height-weight proportional). Unsurprisingly, everyone’s looking for the same thing - nsa (no strings attached) fun. Exactly what is meant by fun can vary wildly. (I’ve found that it’s usually safe to assume that it’s not an offer to gift livestock in FarmVille though). In fact, the only real chance at artistic expression is how much you want to expose on camera - a tasteful nipple, navel, or perhaps the entire nether-region?

Of course it’s very easy to sit back and mock these types of personals, and the faces behind them. And to do so is hypocritical of me - I used these sites for years. But it really begs the question - why do so many college age gay and bisexual men (and I recognize women do too, though the number is much smaller), even those who are out, seek out ‘fun’ on these websites?

For those in the closet, the answer is relatively simple - the internet offers an anonymous outlet for their sexual desires - the 21st century equivalent of a public cruising spot (or the Minneapolis-St. Paul airport if you're a Republican politician). It’s a little more complex for those out of the closet. Even though it’s not their only available avenue for meeting other gay and bisexual men, out guys are still prolific on these websites. I think the real reason is more than just gay men being somehow inherently more promiscuous than the general population.

Focusing specifically on campus, I suspect it stems partly from Duke’s lack of a real dating culture. In lieu of this, people turn to what will give them quick gratification - even if it is devoid of intimacy. The heterosexual community has Shooters for random hookups, while the gays have Craigslist. You don’t need to frequent either to hook up with someone at Duke - but they’re probably the most rapid ways of doing so. So it’s really not that surprising that so many out gay and bisexual men use personals as a quick way to get off - especially considering hectic college lives. In fact, glancing through Craigslist will show that many Dukies are taking multitasking to the extreme, arranging hookups in Wilson Gym or Perkins Library.

My hope is that eventually we’ll progress to the point where we live in a community where Craigslist and all the other sites have largely outlived their purpose. So how do we get there? To be honest I'm not really sure, though I can think of a number of ways that would improve the situation. First would be to acknowledge the issue, instead of sweeping it under the rug. Without dialog and discussion on this taboo issue, little progress can be made in tackling it. Second would be to address students' sense of identity and self-worth through various programming, which is of course what the LGBT center already seeks to do. Coupled with a gradually improving campus environment towards LGBT individuals, this would ideally lead to a Duke where students feel more secure in themselves, and less inclined to seek out random gratification.

In the end, random hookups, while immediately gratifying, are usually superficial, and I think the general well-being of the community would greatly improved with dating and relationship cultures that are more open. The pace of change definitely isn't rapid, but I do think that we're moving towards a healthier, more organic environment in this regard.

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A boy and his flag--Why Will won't pledge: Will Phillips isn't like other boys his age. For one thing, he's smart. Scary smart. This Arkansas 10-year-old's refusal to say the pledge of allegiance is, according to him, because "I really don't feel that there's currently liberty and justice for all." His protest is over the rights of gays and lesbians.

"Oh Hell No! Grrl, hold my earrings."

I wear earrings. Not studs. Not diamonds. Earrings. Big gold hoops, loud peacock feathers, pearls, the stuff you see hanging from the ears of prostitutes and high-fashion models (or at least that’s what I channel when I wear them). They are flashy, gaudy and, in a word, extra. Do I wear them for attention? Maybe. But do I genuinely believe that they are hot and that I look fierce as hell in them? Hell yea. They are how I want to present myself to the world. However, they are not how many in the world believe I should present myself. I get the most glaring of stares from many people on campus.

I never understand this. If, as a society, we are so attached to gender roles why would we cast out the gay individual who identifies with a non-normative gender? In an odd way, that almost completes the circle and normalizes the individual. I am attracted to men. I have a gender expression that is largely feminine. That is fairly normative within the crazy bounds that society is enforcing. While I find this intriguing, I am simply stating an observation and not making an argument for the normalization of non-normative sexualities and gender expressions as long as they still uphold traditional male and female roles. I personally believe that gender and sexuality are not linked in any way and that both are fluid and do not fit into any kind of binary. I sense that the general public is beginning to grasp an understanding of sexuality outside of the binary that we have created and to not believe that one sexuality is more "natural" than others. Yet gender is still seen as a largely biological category. That it is not. Gender is a performance, and I for one am no back-up dancer who is relegated to the standard role.

Everyone on campus knows I’m gay. I am very vocal about it and anyone who’s talked to me knows that my gay identity is central to my personhood. While I do hear disparaging remarks and slurs directed at me on a fairly regular basis, they are usually unoriginal and uninspired and I simply brush them off. However, the attacks I receive about my gender expression are much more extreme. These are difficult to ignore. These are the ones that make me lose sleep at night. These are the ones that make me second guess myself in the mirror every morning, pondering whether or not to “butch” up my image.

When it reaches that point of the day that I have had enough of the stares and the snickers and I am seconds from calling out the person on the C-1 for giving me their stank face, the sorority girl turns to me and goes “cute earrings, where did you get them?” Then I talk to the cashier at Chick-Fil-A who compliments me on my new pair and we have a short conversation about fashion and shopping. At the end of the day many people see me as the raging homosexual who is deviant from the natural laws of the penis that define the boundaries of my masculinity. However, there are also many who see me as a trend-setting genderqueer with a social message to bring to the Duke community. It is these conversations that come out of the most unlikely of situations that reassure that progress is being made and that despite all of the negativity in the world, we can construct communities of positivity and love.

“Summer, I need the giant banana. I need it.”

So who goes to the LGBT Center anyway? Have you ever been there? Do you want to go, but are scared? It’s ok, I was scared too. My first few times were terrifying. I clung to Chris Purcell, the Program Coordinator, because I didn’t know anyone else. Now I go there all the time.

Sure, sometimes it’s empty and eerily quiet in the morning hours, but as the day passes several people stop in to check their e-mail, try to do homework, eat, and hang out. In all honesty, it’s my haven and there’s no other place I prefer on campus. I keep to myself quite a bit, but the Center is a safe space where I don’t have to worry about anything but being a twenty-year-old Duke student who’s procrastinating just like everyone else.

My Thursday blog entries are developed from interviews I am in the process of conducting and friendships I continue to form through interactions in and out of the center. I want to put a face to our strongest allies. I want to put a story to those LGBTQ-identified students/faculty/staff who remain passionate in their dedication to whatever gets them up in the morning. I will present these tenacious individuals, who do their part in making Duke’s campus a more accepting place, not just a tolerant one, first through their devotion to LGBTQA issues. The following week, I will highlight the other components of their lives that make them who they are and the paths they’ve followed to get here, to show the multidimensionality of our community members.

Welcome to part one of my first victim profile.

There are few people at Duke who make me feel genuine happiness like she does. Perhaps it is her unyielding devotion to Peg, the LGBT Center’s Staff Specialist, or perhaps it is her pet cacti and unmatched sense of humor. She is someone I admire and someone who I look for to change a bad day around. Today and next Thursday’s blog entries will be devoted to her.

It is my pleasure to introduce you to Viviana Santiago. Come back next week to learn more about the giant banana.

Aside from her amazing collection of Facebook profile pictures, you should know Viviana because she is the president of Blue Devils United, and quite easily one of the most hilarious people I know. Her leadership this year has brought our undergraduate student group closer together and amused in meetings with her quirky attitude. It is sitting in these meetings, as Viviana tries to use noisemakers to call order and attention, that I feel most connected with our community. She is also part of the Center student staff, and part of her duties place her in charge of planning for the Women Loving Women group.

And this is what Viviana has to say about the Center: “I like the people that come in and work there, they’re funny and have a different perspective that you can’t find anywhere else on campus.” But she also notes some changes she’d like to see, “I wish more people came, and a more diverse group of students on campus would come. I know there are some students who would never come. I wish the president would come visit.” She especially hopes that there would be more Duke women who felt more comfortable being visible and in joining the community.

Coming Out Day is her favorite LGBT event on campus because it reminds people that the community is not invisible and it truly gives allies a chance to show their support. Many who we never see at the Center come out to support our cause.

Now, I have a few more personal comments to make about Viviana, so excuse the sentimentality if that isn’t your cup of tea. I first met Viviana in a House Course she co-taught called Latinos in Durham in the spring of my freshman year. She was incredibly quiet. I’d say we’ve only been friends a short while, but her presence in my life in and out of the Center has already produced a ton of amazing memories. I’d like to share more of my stories about this amazing woman, so please come back next week for the continuation of this article to learn more about her giant banana adventure, her Latina identity, and more.

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Catholic Church Threatens To Stop D.C. Services For Needy If Gay Marriage Passes: The Catholic Archdiocese of Washington said Wednesday that it will be unable to continue the social service programs it runs for the District if the city doesn't change a proposed same-sex marriage law, a threat that could affect tens of thousands of people the church helps with adoption, homelessness and health care.

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Prom Canceled Due to Lesbian Couple: An Alabama high school prom has been canceled following a lesbian student's request to bring her girlfriend. Cynthia Stewart, a 17-year-old junior at Tharptown High School, asked her principal for permission to bring her girlfriend to the prom and was told no. The principal then forced Stewart to remove a sticker she was wearing that read “I am a lesbian” and told her she didn’t have that much freedom of speech at her school.

“Mommy, can you help me tie my shoes? Oh…and by the way, I’m gay”

How young is too young to come out of the closet?

Unlike a lot of the contributors to this blog, I wasn’t out when I arrived on campus as a freshman. Far from it. I thought about coming out immediately after setting foot in Durham, you know, following the ever-popular doctrine that college is a new life, a new start, where you can be a new you. But that’s not how it worked out for me. I was much too shy and too insecure around all of the new people I was meeting to actually be myself, and eventually by the beginning of my sophomore year, I had let so much time fly by that I thought it became too late to explore that side of me. I was already set in a group of fantastic friends, I was doing well in my classes, and I didn’t want to disturb this seemingly perfect existence.

However, it was after months of feeling stuck in a rut, of that constant internal nagging and, as pathetic as it might sound, seeing my friends go out and hook-up and/or begin to have romantic interests (because we all know these things are sometimes mutually exclusive) that I realized that if I wanted to be happy, I needed to come to grips with whatever was holding me back from admitting to myself and everyone I knew, that I was gay. And so finally with one month left in the school year, I told my first friend the truth about my sexuality at, ironically of all places, Sirens Lounge (a lesbian bar in Durham, for those of you who are unfamiliar). The floodgates began to open and eventually I had informed everyone who was important to me, including members of my family, that I was, in fact, a gay man (because, like the slogan for Pringles goes, once you pop, you can't stop).

I must admit, that after I did this, I felt emboldened, empowered, and unthinkably confident. I had done what I thought was the impossible and was so proud of myself for taking the leap which would allow me, after so many years of struggling, to finally begin living my life. In some instances, I wish it hadn’t taken so long, but I don’t regret that it did. By the time I was ready to come out, I was mature enough to have had a complete understanding of who I was, and the type of person I wanted to be, and I think for the most part, what I went through has made up a large part of that understanding. And in a way, I’m really happy and at peace with that. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and without a doubt, the internal hardships and questioning that I faced throughout my teen years were an important part of my development.
After acknowledging this, however, I began to wonder what my life would have been like if I had decided to come out earlier. Twenty years ago, the fact that I came out at nineteen would have been extremely bold, but now it seems, kids as young as 10 and 11 are taking hold of their sexuality and coming out in some cases before they even reach middle school. Benoit Denizet-Lewis’ recent article in the New York Times discusses exactly this phenomenon. With the rise of media attention given to gay issues as well as the increasing depiction of gays in popular culture (with my personal faves being Cam and Mitchell from “Modern Family”…sorry, but I felt the need to plug a truly remarkable, yet under-appreciated show), now more than ever, young adolescents are finding the courage to open up to their friends and families the feelings they harbor towards members of the same gender.

Much like the author of the article, my initial reaction was that these kids are just far too young to even begin entertaining these thoughts, and again much like Mr. Denizet-Lewis, I wasn’t sure exactly why I felt this way. I mean, on the one hand, this realization and announcement at such a young age means that these children are already thinking about themselves as sexual beings, which I find just…HORRIFYING. Furthermore, I can’t even imagine how the conversation between these kids and their parents goes. Is it at the playground? While they’re getting help on their pre-Algebra homework? Or does it go a little like the title of this post?

But most of all, I think my initial negative reaction came out of pure shock. If it took so long for me to come out, how are these 12, 13, and 14 year-old adolescents able to do it?!

Of course, the other side of the emotional turmoil this article practically threw me into, was that of complete and utter happiness. I was so overjoyed for these kids, that they were able to recognize the fact that they have a voice of their own and that they can exercise it to make their parents and their peers aware of who they really are. Furthermore, the fact that these kids have found a safe haven in their communities with friends, families, or local community centers is also a wonderful signal that the heteronormativity so heavily enforced by society is finally starting to erode, another thought I couldn't possibly be more thrilled with. I can only hope that the actions of these children will eventually tear down the traditional assumption that everyone is straight until they state that they aren't. However, despite all of these positives, I think it is also vital to understand what is going on here in the realm of the point I brought up earlier in my own coming out saga.

Ultimately I do believe, as I think everyone should, that coming out is always a good thing. However, in the end, I also believe that it takes a deep level of understanding of who you are as a person as well as a sense of maturity in order to do so. It’s important to realize that no matter how progressive the area is that you live in, by coming out, you are labeling yourself, and I think it takes some form of self-identification to handle some of the pressures that LGBT people are still facing today. An understanding which I’m not sure a middle school student can have. Between bullying at school or the bullying in national politics, or the constant facing of stereotypes, or being judged because of who you love (I could go on, but this could get depressing), I'm just not convinced that middle-schoolers are adept in navigating the harsh realities of the world. But I don't know, maybe if more and more of these youngsters are coming out, eventually they'll have a large enough voice so that these issues no longer matter or even exist.

Then again, that could just be wishful thinking :)

But I don't know, you tell me…what are your thoughts on the subject? Is there such a thing as too young to come out of the closet? And what implications do you think this might have on the future of gay leadership? It seems that today, many of the most successful and prominent LGBT activists came from backgrounds where they had to keep their identity a secret, and in dealing with this struggle, became advocates for the LGBT cause and the fight for equality. But now that our future generations are seemingly skipping this important moment of inward reflection, are they as equipped to face the struggles and fight for equality with the same vitality and dedication? I certainly hope so...

Coming Out Story #1

[Ed. Note: Every Wednesday, we collect a coming out story and post it here, anonymously. They can be long or short, devastating or hilarious or boring or somewhere in between. The stories can be gathered in person or digitally - even using our "submit anonymously" link on the sidebar! If you'd like to send one in, email us at bluedevilsunited@gmail.com. If you don't feel like writing, we can meet in person, too, (ignore this PSA) and I'll transcribe your story here. Just let us know.]

I was 13 or so, I think, when I first realized I was to be gay. Let's call it the first revelation. I wasn't sure what it meant at the time, but I knew it bothered me greatly. I cried and prayed and tried to figure out what being gay meant, particularly as a Catholic. I was sure I had screwed something up to end up this way. I was certain, too, that it was reversible--that I could simply figure out what I had done wrong and somehow undo it.

I spent the next six years attempting to reprogram my sexuality. In retrospect, I'm really just glad I didn't have access or knowledge sufficient to truly screw myself up too badly. I'm not easily discouraged, though, and I kept trying until just after my freshman year here at Duke. After an emotional discussion with my ex-girlfriend, I came out to her.

The second revelation was harder-earned than the first. I think all those years of active denial were necessary to get there, as well as my 12 sleepless hours of thought, prayer, and reflection.

You always hear about how people talk to God. And I'm a reasonably faithful person, or at least I try to be. I had just never personally believed that God actually communicated with people (did they hear some sort of boomy voice in their heads? What was this all about?). I've tried to rationalize away what happened, but the quote I was given, or that I heard, or whatever happened, just didn't seem to be anywhere else. Its wording (and its meaning, at the time) was clear. "I have made you exactly as you are, and I have made you completely beautiful."

Love is one of the hardest things for me to accept--whether from God, from others, or even from myself. It's just uncomfortable to know that someone could love those parts of you that you've spent your whole life trying to change. I don't want people to love the dark, ugly, uncomfortable, and sinful within me. I want them to want me to change it. Some days, anyhow.

It's only been two years or so since then, though I can scarcely believe it myself. Lots of things have changed. Lots of things haven't. I've accepted some of those words given to me. I readily identify as gay. I'm reasonably comfortable talking about it to family, friends, people whose names I still can't remember, and even strangers. Love, though? I still can't accept that.

I've stopped counting the revelations. It's kind of an overly dramatic way to think about knowledge, anyhow, I think. I have to admit, though, I'm not entirely comfortable with everything. I think sometimes I still want to find better arguments against homosexuality within the Church because, somehow, then, if it were okay for the Church to hate me, it would be fine for me to hate myself.

I guess I'm saying that oppression doesn't just come from society. It can come from so many places--from news media, family, religion, or the worst place: from within. Personally, I have enough trouble not despising certain things about myself that I just don't have time to hear hateful or discriminatory things elsewhere. So I don't. Maybe that's why I feel like I've never been discriminated against--if I hate myself first, maybe others won't. Maybe I just won't notice it when and/or if they do.

That sounds pretty bleak, though. Life is good. I'm generally happy and I don't get self-hating all too often. I have amazing friends and a supportive family and community, even if the family isn't entirely comfortable talking about it. Coming out is, as they say, a continuous process, and not everyone is comfortable with it. Oh well, I guess. Why should I have to justify or argue about the way I am with people? I'm gay. I didn't have a choice in the matter. That's that, and this is me.