Friday, December 11, 2009
Gay British soldier talks about coming out to his comrades: "An openly gay soldier in Afghanistan has spoken about the support and acceptance he has received from his comrades.
Trooper Ben Rakestrow, said that since he came out to his squadron a year ago he has faced nothing but harmless banter from his fellow soldiers.
The 21-year-old, who serves with 2nd Royal Tank Regiment (2RTR), said it was difficult to reveal his sexuality in such a high-testosterone environment. 'It was difficult to start with,' he said. 'I didn't know how they'd react.'"
"The army hasn't always been so accepting. In 1999, the year before the ban on gay personnel was lifted, 298 people were discharged for their sexuality.
But in 2000 a legal victory, fought for by three gay men and a lesbian, who had been discharged from the Royal Navy and RAF after being found to be gay, paved the way for openly gay servicemen and women.
British servicemen and women now march at Gay Pride in uniform."
I cannot wait for the day that this will be a reality for our brave servicemembers.
Civil Unions legalized in Austria: Austria's parliament has approved legalising civil unions in the country.
Out of 174 lawmakers present, 110 voted in favour and 64 voted against, Associated Press reports.
The law is due to come into force on January 1st. It will provide gay couples with some of the rights and benefits enjoyed by heterosexual couples.
However, it reiterates the ban on gay couples adopting children or using IVF and artificial insemination.
Instead, benefits granted include rights to social security claims, inheritance and court trials.
Gay couples will not be able to hold their ceremonies at civil registry offices, as heterosexual couples do. Instead, they will have to register at the municipal office or the magistrate's office."
Thursday, December 10, 2009
“At Thanksgiving, it’s the turkey next to the kabob next to the hummus.”
Ari is a Jewish Israeli, with a mom from Tel Aviv and a father who served in Lebanon for six months. His family came to the United Stated based on persecution, so even though he does not consider himself very religious, he still feels very strongly about Jewish ethics and culture. “At Thanksgiving, it’s the turkey next to the kabob next to the hummus.” He remains very curious about his background and where he comes from, he says he knows it sounds cliché but “as an American I’ve become very detached, but I want to know more about my family.”
He spends his time reading and doing work (and watching films, as we know from his great film reviews on this blog). From how he talks about his shows, I can tell he watches a lot of TV too. Our interview was long and detailed and wonderful and he rattled off a list of his favorite things: The History Boys movie (Chris is going to make fun of him for this) [Ed. Note: Yeah, I am. This is The Weirdest Movie, Ari.], In Cold Blood, Into the Wild, The Smiths, his grandma’s food, New York pizza and bagels…
Ari is sensitive and hilarious but he showed a different side of himself when we sat down to talk. Granted, I don’t know Ari incredibly well in the first place, but it was great to listen to him wonder about the future. “I look forward to knowing how everything pans out. Where am I gonna be working? I don’t even know. It sounds so cheesy, but who am I gonna be marrying in Greenwich Connecticut and then going to where they accept me. I look forward to my parent’s acceptance as much as their growing process. I know my parents, I know what their reaction is gonna be. I want to see where my indecisiveness leads me.”
Our time together was interrupted due to the BDU meeting that was starting but I was able to get a little bit more information out of him. We talked about regrets, and he acknowledges that he’s going at his own pace so he doesn’t regret coming out sooner. He mentions that he regrets not being closer with his brother, but as he was saying this he realized that it’s definitely something he can still change. (So change it!)
One thing I do every night is think about three things I’m thankful for, so I ask this same question of my interviewees. Ari says, “Today I am thankful for my close friends here and at home, I’m thankful for (this goes back to the Jack thing) the LGBT students that are so comfortable with themselves, and I’m thankful I’m done with my history class.” I’m certain that we’re all thankful Ari is in our lives and I hope that he can continue to be a strong individual and be that beacon of light for some new individuals who are learning how to come out with their heads held high.
McDonald's Fires Anti-Trans Manager: Earlier this week, Zikerria Bellamy filed a complaint against McDonald’s for refusing to hire her because she is transgender.
One of the managers left a detailed voice mail message on Bellamy’s phone in July, saying “It doesn’t matter how many times you go down there, you will not get hired. We do not hire faggots. You lied to me.”
That manager has been fired.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Richard Cohen, Real Life Person That Is Completely Serious: (from The Huffington Post) Last night, Rachel Maddow interviewed Richard Cohen, the author of Coming Out Straight. Which is an actual book about 'overcoming' homosexuality. All you need, apparently, is a tennis racquet and CUDDLING WITH A MEMBER OF THE SAME SEX. Science. Unfortunately, this would be much funnier if it wasn't being used by the Ugandan government for support of their proposed bill to make homosexuality punishable by death, which is also something that is actually happening in real life in 2009 on this planet. Right now. Videos below, Readers.
Monday, December 7, 2009
NJ Marriage Equality Headed to Senate: The New Jersey Senate Judiciary Committee has voted the marriage equality bill onward--it will be discussed in the Senate as early as Thursday.
More discussion at advocate.com.
Listen to the NJ Marriage Equality Debate Live: If you're around right now, the NJ Senate Judiciary Committee is currently discussing marriage equality in the state. Listen here! (click Listen on the right side)
Update: The deliberations have since ended--the results of the vote can be found here.
Anonymous Posts(11.30.09–12.6.09)
Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks or hate speech. Feel free to submit your thoughts and questions :)You totally stepped it up this week with the anonymous posts, Readers. Good work all around!
But don't forget that we also have a responsibility to respond to our anonymous contributors! See you in the comments :)
#1:
"They Don't Understand"
They don't understand the injustice they cause
Nor do they mind passing unequal laws.
They don't understand the sadness they create
Nor do they see that what they're spreading is hate.
They don't understand that their vote matters
Nor do they care about the lives it shatters.
They don't understand the lies they tell
Nor do they realize we're not going to hell.
They don't understand the reason we fight
Nor do they know of the anger they incite.
O God I pray
That you show them the way
Because I am gay
And it's okay.
[Ed. Note: Oh hai, ORIGINAL POEM. Best. Readership. Ever.]
#2:
Absolutely amazing video by one senator during the vote in the NY Senate.
[Ed. Note: This video definitely made its way around the interwebs since this anonymous poster sent this in to us and we've already posted it before, but it's totally worth putting up again (see: "duh"). Let's all share about how many times we said "yes!" the first [eight] times we watched this. Tell her, Artie:
#3:
As I'm getting older, and closer to graduation and the real world, I've been thinking a lot about the possibility of having a family in a few years time. This raises conflicting emotions in me - as a gay male, obviously I won't be able to have children of my own with my partner, the child will only be biologically related to one of the fathers. There is, of course adoption - there're far too many kids out there without homes and families right now. I'm not really sure how I feel about all this, I'm not sure I'd make a good father, or that I'd be able to provide the right environment for a kid growing up.
What I want to know is, how do all of you in the openly lgbt community feel about this issue?
[Ed. Note: This is most definitely a topic that we've all thought about, right? Right. Let's throw a Comment Party for this one.]
#4:
I stumbled upon this website today (literally, stumbleupon.com = AMAZING). Anyways, the picture shows a fantastic campaign that promotes AIDS awareness and prevention in a super creative way. This was done in Rio Grande do Sul in Brazil, and they totally have the right idea.
Check it out [here].
translation: "Take your condom and help in the fight against AIDS" - as more people take condoms, AIDS begins to disappear. Genius? Absolutely.
[Ed. Note: Great find! It is difficult to inspire us desensitized Millennials, and it is always interesting to see the amazing [by necessity, almost] campaigns that Good organizations come up with.]
Orlando McDonald's Manager Allegedly Told Trans Applicant: 'We Do Not Hire F**gots': Seventeen-year-old Zikerria Bellamy applied online for a position as a shift manager or crew leader at an Orlando McDonald's. When she went in for the interview on July 28, Bellamy says a manager forced her to check a box indicating her gender.
"Once I looked at his facial expression, when I checked off male, like the whole face just changed. He was upset. I seen the anger, you know, like you can tell when someone gets upset," Bellamy said.
She said she was told she would not be granted an interview and received an angry, hateful voicemail from the manager later in the day.
"You went to [indistinguishable] McDonald's today," the message says. "It doesn't matter how many times you go down there. You will not get hired. We do not hire faggots. You lied to me. You told me you was a woman. And then you lied to me. You told me you were seventeen. I can't believe you. You're a lying brother. How could you ever lie to me?"
More coverage at Pam's House Blend.
UCLA: Stem Cells Can Kill HIV: Researchers at the University of California, Los Angeles, made a stunning announcement Monday: Stem cells can be engineered to kill HIV.
The results, published Monday in the online journal PLoS ONE, demonstrate that human stem cells can be engineered into the equivalent of a genetic vaccine.
Gay Catholics Blast NJ Bishops: A gay Roman Catholic group has denounced a letter that New Jersey Catholic bishops circulated in opposition to marriage equality.
“Whatever the New Jersey bishops are trying to do around the issue of marriage has nothing to do with justice,” reads a statement from the Rainbow Sash Movement. “One of the most basic concepts that underline all Catholic teaching is that ‘All people are entitled to equality of rights regardless of their situation.’ This fundamental position cannot be dismissed in the name of religious rigidity. To do so is to throw foundational Catholic tradition out the window in the name of intolerance and the narrowness of dogma.”
Late last month New Jersey bishops asked priests to read or distribute a letter asking parishioners to pray that the state legislature would not approve marriage rights for gay couples. The bishops called the possibility of same-sex marriage “one of the most serious challenges” to the traditional definition of marriage. The state senate is expected to vote on a marriage equality bill this week, after which the assembly would consider it.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Straight Brooklyn Couple Applies to Annul Marriage Because Gay Marriage Still Not Legal: A couple in Brooklyn is looking to challenge the legitimacy of straight marriages in light of the recent New York Senate vote against gay marriage rights. Their strategy: apply for an annulment.
Unlike a divorce, an annulment claims that the marriage was never viable and legal or that the situation has changed so significantly through no fault of either member of the couple that the marriage must be dissolved.
But this week I was invited to join a Facebook group run by Rachel Murch D’Olimpio and Matthew D’Olimpio: New York residents who are going to apply for an annulment on the grounds that their marriage contract violates constitutional equality guarantees and is thus void. The group already has over 700 members.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Episcopal Diocese of Los Angeles elects openly gay bishop: "The Episcopal Diocese of Los Angeles today elected the first openly gay bishop since the national church lifted a ban that sought to bar gays and lesbians from the church's highest ordained ministry.
Clergy and lay leaders, meeting in Riverside for their annual convention, elected the Rev. Canon Mary D. Glasspool, 55, who has been in a committed relationship with another woman since 1988. Another gay candidate, the Rev. John L. Kirkley of San Francisco, withdrew late Friday.
Glasspool’s election to fill one of two openings for bishops of the diocese followed the selection Friday of the Rev. Canon Diane Jardine Bruce, 53, the rector of a San Clemente church. The two became the first women elected as bishops of the diocese in its 114-year history."
Cynthia Nixon on NY gay marriage vote: "... Wednesday's No vote on same sex marriage was supremely disappointing on a personal as well as a political level. Guess Christine and I can kiss that Waldorf Astoria wedding... Brooklyn Botanical Gardens wedding... Montauk Beach wedding -- you fill in the blank -- goodbye.
But we have two things today we didn't have yesterday. The first thing we have is clarity about who's with us and who's against us. And we'll remember those yays and nays for next November and for Novembers to come. And there will be consequences.
The second thing is a new ally. Her name is Ruth Hassell-Thompson. She is a Senator from the Bronx and Mt Vernon and she is fierce. ..."
Read more at The Huffington Post.
Friday, December 4, 2009
Rainbows, Buttons, Flags, and Umbrellas
It's been a rainy semester here at Duke. As a result, I've become quite the connoisseur of umbrellas. I have one for light, daily use (black), one for heavy rain and heavy wind (blue and white), and a recent acquisition: one for everything in between (rainbow-colored). And while the heavy blue-and-white umbrella is by far the most durable choice, I've tended to choose to tout the rainbow umbrella. First, because it's pretty (there's a pic farther down!). Second, because, well, I want to be visible.
When I came out, it really took a while for me to decide how big a part of my identity it was--it's a daily process, really--okay, so I'm gay--what's next? Following the bridge incident this year, Blue Devils United ordered rainbow flags for students to put up outside their windows to show support for and solidarity with the LGBT community. I put mine in the window itself, so when I have my lights on it looks kind of like stained glass from the outside (photo: Oli Wilson). I think it's really important to show people that this is campus that's affirming of LGBT individuals (or even if that's not entirely the case, I think that if we give off that image, it will gradually become a self-fulfilling thing). It's the same with the Love=Love shirts.Each year on National Coming Out Day, the LGBT Center, in cooperation with the various LGBT groups on campus, gives out free Love=Love shirts in various colors--1500 shirts a year. They're usually gone within an hour or two. LGBTQA students, faculty, grad students, and community members wear the shirts around campus. It's a pretty rare day when I don't see at least two people wearing them and it's really heartwarming to see them.
Visibility is something I think about and struggle with a lot. If I wear my Love=Love shirt to yoga, will I be labeled gay for the rest of the semester? Will doubles yoga forever be awkward? (well, okay, doubles yoga is pretty awkward anyway, but whatever.)
Earlier this semester, when it was pouring and I was stuck in the Bryan Center without an umbrella, I bought the new (rainbow) one so I could walk home without getting soaked. I had seen a friend carrying one the week prior and really liked it, plus I just thought it made sense to get one to be visible. Later in the week, I was walking back to my room after Vespers rehearsal and got out my umbrella for the walk. A friend of mine--a guy I consider to be pretty progressive--looked at my umbrella and said something to the effect of, "That's a little excessive, isn't it?" (photo: Sean Dillard)
Well, is it?
Well, is it?Is carrying a rainbow umbrella, as a guy, broadcasting your sexuality? I don't think so. I've gotten a few ambiguous looks while carrying it. But come on! It's a nice-looking umbrella, one of the few available at the Duke store. I don't have to be gay to carry it, right? I mean, granted, we're a pretty homophobic society, but come on. They're colors. Are we really that afraid of Mr. Roy G. Biv?
I also wear an LGBT Center button/pin on my backpack. This one makes me even more nervous. I tend to turn it around when I sit down on the bus so it's facing me. (though, the extreme awkwardness necessary to turn a button into a confrontation will probably always prevent people from talking about it. Just imagine, "Yo, this guy has an LGBT center pin on his bag. Heh, what a fag," is the most graceful way I can imagine it, and, well, clearly, that interaction fails).
Yeah, I wish we lived in a society (or a campus, even) where it'd be commonplace for straight guys to overcome their homophobia enough to do some of the same things I do. But even if they aren't homophobic or being afraid of associated with the LGBT center, being an LGBT activist is simply less likely to be as high on their priority list as it is on mine. And while plenty of my ally friends wear Love=Love shirts, no straight boy around here would carry that umbrella or wear that pin. And I'm okay with that. I think it's good for people to see a guy who's not afraid to carry a rainbow umbrella, regardless of whether or not he's gay. (and just recognizing that sure says something about masculinity...)
I had a long conversation with one of my priests last semester, and he essentially told me that he thought I should be as open and out as I was comfortable being, because it would be healthy for our Catholic community to have someone so open and comfortable both in his role as a gay man and as a Catholic in a leadership position (I'm the co-coordinator for music ministry, so I'm up front with the choir every weekend). And I think I agree. I'm reasonably comfortable with myself (and growing more so each day)--why not use that to help our community and our campus grow?
I've heard the argument that being so visible or being a "queen" (or a rather effeminate gay man) can be harmful to our cause, that it will cause discomfort and push people away. I somewhat disagree. I think that, yes, perhaps some extremely homophobic people will be pushed away--but they're already homophobic and probably still will be tomorrow. In their case, it won't make much of a difference either way. But as I've talked about before, I think the best way to advance our position in the community is to personally connect with people, to allow dialogue to happen and to be comfortable talking about myself. If I'm visible, I make such dialogue more likely--even if I'm not involved--and that's something I'm happy about. If people think about it, I'm confident they'll end up on "our" side, so let's keep people thinking about it.
So yeah. Lots of rain this semester. All my shoes are perpetually muddy. Thankfully, the weather's pretty nice today. If it goes foul tomorrow, though, you can trust I'll be getting out my rainbow umbrella again.
Velociraptors
Something’s been bugging me for months. No, it’s not Fratty McBrahs-a-lot in KA pulling the Craven fire alarm every Monday morning at 4am. It’s not the fact that Taylor Lautner won’t just admit that he’s a few straight arrows short of a quiver. It’s not even that the Alpine Fro-Yo keeps giving me brain freezes when I eat it too fast. Thursday, December 3, 2009
N.J. gay marriage proposal will be considered by Senate next week: The New Jersey gay marriage proposal will be considered Monday by a Senate committee and could be posted for a full senate vote later in the week, state Sen. Ray Lesniak said today. ...
"On Thursday the full Senate is going to vote on marriage equality," said Lesniak, a member of the Senate Judiciary Committee." And God be willing, we'll have 21 votes." ...
Both houses of the Legislature must pass the bill before it goes to the governor. Outgoing Gov. Jon Corzine has said he would sign it. Incoming Gov. Chris Christie says he would veto it.
Sex, Sex, Sex and More Sex
This semester I'm in a class on sex work. The class is divided into four sections: prostitution, sex trafficking, exotic dancing and pornography. Throughout the semester we have exclusively talked about sex work in the context of heterosexual individuals. However, when we got to the section on pornography, we did extensive work on gay pornography, including watching clips and documentaries that showed explicit scenes of anal and oral sex between two men. We had seen many of these sorts of clips between heterosexual couples, so it only seemed logical that if I have to be subjected to watching heterosexual sex, then the rest of the (presumably straight-identified) class should have to watch gay sex.I was looking forward to analyzing a type of sex that I am used to, yet was also worried that the class reception would be overtly homophobic and only serve to invalidate my own sexual desires. As the clip was starting I held my breath. The two boys start kissing. I look around the room. Everyone is still watching and no one is squeaming in their seats yet. Clothes start coming off. People are still watching. The oral sex begins. Everyone is still watching. I am shocked. Even the straight-identified men in the room are still looking. However, there's still more to go. The anal sex starts. People are still watching with their academic eye. Not at all the reaction I was expecting. Then one of the boys sucks on another ones toes. The class erupts in an expression of disgust.
Gayle Rubin, in her transformative essay "Thinking Sex: Notes for a Radical Theory of the Politics of Sexuality," describes a hierarchy of sexual acts with heterosexual, monogamous sex on one end and fetishistic sex on the other. She states that "as a result of the sex conflicts of the last decade, some behavior near the border is inching across it." Has our society advanced to the point where gay sex is seen as an appropriate form of sex?
While I do think the positive reception in my class is due to the progressive nature of my classmates and not an overall societal advancement in sexual thought, I do think that we have come a long way in destigmatizing sex between members of the same sex. In the six years since sodomy was deemed unconstitutional in Lawrence v. Texas our society has gradually become open to all types of sex between consenting adults. I hope that in the future, we will only an increase in the acceptance of all types of consensual sex acts.
"If it's one of my main identifiers, I shouldn’t feel bad about that. I don’t think it’s so bad." -Ari Bar-Mashiah on being gay
As I've done with several Duke students younger than I am, I have watched Ari transform into a strong individual, one who is much stronger than he realizes. Ari isn’t out to his family, but still provides an incredible force in our community at Duke. He rattled off a list of reasons to me about why he hasn’t come out yet to his family but he knows most of them are just excuses. We’ll all have our fingers crossed that Ari can have the strength this Winter Break to finally begin the conversations with his parents and siblings.He’s a self-described social butterfly, but anyone who knows him would agree. In high school he was involved in many activities, but was only out to a select few. Although there was a GSA (Gay-Straight Alliance), Ari refers to it as SAG, the straight alliance for gay people. No one identified as gay. He didn’t like being closeted, but always had a hard time reconciling the way gays are portrayed in the media. He didn’t think people could be intelligent and gay at the same time.
Coming to Duke, and particularly his experiences with Project Build, paved the way for Ari’s integration to the LGBT Center and it’s social activities. For Ari, the LGBT community at Duke was much more than he had at home and for that he is “very, very thankful.” He says, “You wish there was always more, or at least, more out. If I would want to see something, I would want to see more gay couples holding hands, the peck on the cheek when they go to class on the Plaza. When it comes to the community, they’re not to blame. It’s the other students, and the stuff we have to deal with, like ripping down flags, it’s the bridge incident or the bench incident. I really love the LGBT community here.”
Ari takes a moment and gives tribute to another Center frequenter. It was so sweet and so true it needs to be shared here in this blog. I believe we should all take a moment and think about those we look up to and pay tribute wherever we can.
“There is no one here that I appreciate more in the LGBT community than Jack. By far. By far. By far. Jack has allowed me to feel more comfortable with myself, because I see how comfortable he is. He’s so unafraid. People can be inspiring in so many different ways, by being active and forward and political, and you see them being proactive. Jack is the silent fighter, he doesn’t have to say a word. It makes me so much more comfortable to come here.”
Ari is great at making people laugh and finds ways of relating to everyone. I asked Ari what his favorite LGBT event was at Duke. Here’s what he said: “You know what I fucking love? Fab Friday. I love Fab Friday. There’s so many good things at once. It’s Friday, I just got out of classes, and I see all these amazing people. You see people that you may only see once a week. And Jack makes great food.”
I know we’re all grateful for what Ari has added to our community, and it truly is a joy to see him grow and learn from the other wonderful people who support him.
Stay tuned to learn more about Ari next Thursday, and I promise there will be photos next time (y’all know how busy the last week of classes gets, cut me some slack!).
Party Boy Chad, Psychosexual Revelations, G-Bombs, and Other Thoughts
As seems to happen in any class with sex on the syllabus, we ended up on the topic of the hook-up culture in my psych discussion section. It was the last one of the semester; I guess they figured they’d go out with a bang. We were assigned a few articles to read on the subject, some on research conducted by old white men in sterile laboratories, some on the findings of researchers who had actually been adventurous enough to go out into the field and take surveys. (Or so I gathered from reading the intro and conclusion, all I had time for before rushing to class.) All were dealing with straight couples, and the issues that they had as a result of anonymous sexual interaction.
It was one of the liveliest discussions our group has had. I hadn’t read the articles very thoroughly (i.e. not at all), so I sat back and took in what was going on around me. I’d heard it all before: the effects of alcohol, risk of disease, sexual assault, emotional issues. These are all serious subjects, but from the way the conversation was going, I was beginning to believe that only heteros had to deal with all that icky stuff. Whew, what a relief! Oh…wait…
My first chance to tie the conversation to the LGBT community came soon. As I thought about what I was going to say, my heart began to pound and my hands began to slightly shake. “This shouldn’t be happening to me” I thought, “I don’t give a fuck if these people know I’m gay. I don’t give a damn that Party Boy Chad and his Brohammer are sitting next to me, sharing stories about their experiences and perspectives, so that everyone in the class know how brotastic they are”. But I had already missed my chance, the discussion had moved on. I would have to wait to interject gaily at some other point in the conversation.
Its funny to me that after being out for so long, after marching in pride parades, having walked hand in hand with a boyfriend across campus- hell, after coming out to my African American Christian Republican parents- that coming out again in certain situations still gives me a little rush of adrenaline. And it is not always fear that makes my heart flutter. Sometimes, its genuine excitement, anticipation of a reaction, that makes coming out almost like a game. Other times it’s the insecurity of not knowing whether a teacher will be biased against an openly gay student, or if my project partner will want to switch groups. It had started out as the former this time, but I will admit, I was a little nervous. Whatever it is, coming out, something that even openly LGBT individuals have to do, is still always a noteworthy occasion in my day.
I did eventually get my chance to speak again in class. I broached the subject apparently just before my TA did. I started by stating that I believe feelings about hooking up should be thought of on a more individual basis, and that the statements “guy/girls always do/feel___” didn’t really make sense to me. I told the class that I’d always had friends of both sexes who consistently did non-stereotypical things and held non-stereotypical beliefs. I also mentioned that while the conversation was obviously talking about heterosexual relationships, there was a significant group not being represented.
My TA smiled, nodded, looked down at her list of questions and said the next one that she had planned on asking was: What are people’s perceptions of the LGBT hook-up culture at Duke? Party Boy Chad said under his breath (in that tone) “I have no idea”, preemptively clarifying the fact that, if he hadn’t made it clear before, he was not a homosexual.
I sat quietly for a moment to gauge the class reaction, also curious what others had to say. Being in the class for a semester (actually after about a week), I had come to the conclusion that I was the only openly gay individual. After a time I spoke up, all eyes turning to me as I said jokingly, “I guess I’ll go”. The fact that I was gay hadn’t come up, and I wouldn’t say I’m (always) “obvious”, so I felt like it was a surprise for those who hadn’t suspected, or even noticed me in the class before. I went on to explain some of my perceptions about the LGBT community at Duke: that by the simple logistical fact of there being less LGBT individuals, the selection pool was obviously more limited, that it wasn’t as easy to find a place where you could find someone (Shooters isn’t exactly catering to LGBT clientele), that for those not out, dating was a lot more difficult, that the prospects of long term relationships when marriage wasn’t at the end of the rainbow were maybe a little more complicated. When I stopped talking, hands slowly began to rise. We went on to discuss the ways in which society seemed to be changing, with more people feeling comfortable identifying, and people coming out younger. Some sympathized with the difficulties that LGBT individuals face, bringing up friends, family, or just people they knew of who were out or still in the closet. Someone asked whether or not coming out was a maturity thing. In my opinion it's not (and has much more to do with circumstance), but that the straight person who asked couldn't see why one wouldn't come out in college as heartening in some strange way. The class also seemed pretty supportive in general, and the TA definitely was, wrapping the discussion up by endorsing LGBT rights.
What I find interesting about the episode are my reactions and that of the class. Not having come out to anyone in some time, I was reminded again of what dropping the g-bomb felt like, and surprised that even in the relatively harmless environment of that classroom, how many emotions the act could elicit. While I wasn’t expecting a storm of hate speech following my admission, I was pleasantly surprised by my peers’ mostly positive reactions. Even Chad (I hope his name really isn’t Chad, I have no idea) listened respectfully, and made a comment, of which I can only remember that the gist was an affirming one. I’ll admit it may have been my own pre-judgment that assumed things about his character and beliefs based on minimal interaction. I think it is good for me to be reminded of struggles I’ve been through, to better empathize with those going through them now. And I love it when I’m reminded that maybe Duke is changing, right before my eyes, and perhaps the real world along with it.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Jamie Frevele Sells Her Legal Right to Marry on Ebay: In response to her home state of New York's rejection of marriage equality today, Jamie Frevele is selling her legal right to marry on ebay and donating all proceeds to the Point Foundation and other LGBT organizations.
Ebay item description by Frevele:
New York State has voted down marriage equality. A lot of people just don't believe all adults should be allowed to get married, usually for religious reasons, which is silly because you need to obtain a license from the state to get married, and there's a separation of church and state in this country, so denying someone the right to get married based on their sexual orientation is actually against the Constitution. The 14th Amendment, actually: Section. 1. All persons born or naturalized in the United States and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside. No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.
I'm an unmarried heterosexual woman, and since I probably won't be using my right to get married, I would like to give it away. I would like to sell it to the highest bidder and donate the proceeds to an organization that supports LGBT rights since the government designed to protect all of us is picking and choosing based on what they think is icky, weird, or unkown to them.
Bid now, and you can have my super wonderful privilege and legal ability to get married as many times as you want in a classy place like the one pictured. You don't have to know the person, you don't have to like them, you don't have to think through your decision to get married or anything - you can just do it! Because you can! Come on, it's cool to get married, and think of the pictures you'll have to show people of this person that they will definitely think is so wrong for you and probably is! But heavens to BETSY, do NOT marry someone of the same gender because that would be a mockery of the institution of marriage.
And if it doesn't work out, just get divorced. Half the cool people who get married do that anyway.
I will write you up a fancy, wonderful, articulate proclamation handing over my right to get married. I have no official documentation because this is something I was born with since I was born heterosexual. Unfortunately, this is only a symbolic gesture. However, since I'm picky and difficult, it's probably something that, if a physical object, would have been considered pristine and shiny after some dusting. Your bid, on the other hand, is real, and the donation you make to an organization that supports those who have been treated as second-class citizens will be well worth it.
I have not named an organization yet because I thought I would see if anyone wanted to join me on this journey rather than drag them into something they're not serious about, ready for, etc.
Happy Bidding!
Jamie Frevele
A Strange Encounter
After passing through an airport security operation completely run by one TSA officer, I sat down in the tiny waiting area of Manhattan Regional Airport and stared at my shoes as I tried to process all of the events of that weekend. As I mentioned in my last post, I attended the OUT & GREEK Conference at Kansas State two weekends ago. It was… fascinating, engaging, humbling, maybe even life-changing. I’m still not done staring at my shoes and processing it all though, so I’ll leave that for another post. Instead, I want to talk about an ephemeral and surreal encounter that made a perfect capstone for an already emotionally heavy weekend. Coming Out Story #3
[Ed. Note: Every Wednesday, we collect a coming out story and post it here, anonymously. They can be long or short, devastating or hilarious or boring or somewhere in between. The stories can be gathered in person or digitally - even using our "submit anonymously" link on the sidebar! If you'd like to send one in, email us at bluedevilsunited@gmail.com. If you don't feel like writing, we can meet in person, too, (ignore this PSA) and I'll transcribe your story here. Just let us know.]It was finals week in tenth grade, so we got to leave school right after our test. I went to my friend's house down the street with a bunch of people to hang out for the rest of the day. Everything was going great until my mother called the house I was at (this was before we all had cellphones) and just said "I'm coming to pick you up."
Oh?
From her tone of voice and withholding of any reason why I had to leave early, I suspected that someone had died. I have old grandparents, and thought the worst. But I was assured that everyone was "okay" and everything was "fine" (though we all know what that means). I hung up, and almost immediately realized what was up. I ran to my friend's computer and confirmed the worst: that I was not idle on Instant Messenger.
I had stayed logged into my Windows account on our family computer and furthermore had left up all of my AIM conversations. Including the one I had with [Shannon] the night before where, uh, I said some pretty explicit things about one of our straight friends, [John]. I basically outlined some pretty violent sex that I wanted to have with him and frequently used the words "fuck" and "brains out." This has happened to the best of us, right? ...Right?
So at this point I knew that my mother had read this (mortifying, in case you couldn't figure that out), and she was on her way to confront me over it. Awesome! This is exactly how I always saw my coming out unfolding.
She picked me up and we went back to my house in silence, and I was led to our computer room. We sat.
...
"I don't like the language you use on the internet. It's inappropriate."
Wait, really? Phew. I could handle a lecture on swearing. I'd done this a thousand times before, as I am a big fan of curse words. I simply sat there and absently agreed to never say these things again. Ever again. Can I go now?
"Are you gay?" she blurted.
Fuck. Shit.
There was really no way out (it's Puns Week on Our Lives) of this one, as the evidence was stacked up against me quite a bit. Straight guys do NOT say the things that I said. I had to come out. So many grandiose, articulate ways to do this! I could turn this into a real Lifetime movie. A Glee moment before there even was such a thing. Instead, because obviously I hate myself, I went with
"Duh!"
Yup. "Duh." That's the best I could do. That's what I came up with. Instead of Kurt from Glee I went with George from Seinfeld ("Jerkstore!"). I think I blacked out after that because I don't remember too many details (I was busy starting years of regretting my diction in that moment). I do know, though, that mom was more than accepting. Thrilled, actually. Probably because her years of having me lip-sync and dance Mariah Carey songs had paid off.
* * *
I guess looking back I don't entirely hate that that's how things went down. It forced me to come out, which had to happen at some point. It actually saved me years of perseverating and agonizing over how best to go about it. Mom knew then, but it took years until I was comfortable enough to talk about it. Which wasn't that bad. It was a pretty good arrangement where I knew she knew, and that she was The Best about it, but I was allowed to really come out on my own time.
But fuck, what an embarrassing, messy way to go about it.
"I don't think you should be sleeping over [John]'s house this weekend."
Will Gay Troops Get to Join the Debate About Their Own Service to America? Nathaniel Frank, author of "Unfriendly Fire", discusses the importance of the proposed bill that would allow gay service members to testify openly at Congressional hearings regarding "Don't Ask, Don't Tell".
"Congressman Alcee Hastings, Democrat of Florida, has just introduced a bill with 27 co-sponsors to allow gay service members to testify openly at Congressional hearings about "don't ask, don't tell." Rep. Hastings authored the bill to ensure that the national debate will not be stacked against those most affected by the current gay ban. Without explicit protection, gay troops could be fired for sharing their views and experiences with senators and representatives, since current law calls for discharging anyone who says they are gay. ..."
Rupert Everett's Advice To Gay Actors: Stay In The Closet: I can't decide whether this is just a really sad truth, or the kind of thinking that keeps us all from pushing for change, an acceptance of the status quo as stronger than our own will.
Personally, I prefer Meredith Baxter's newfound take on celebrities coming out.
...
"At 50, the 'My Best Friend's Wedding' star says that homophobia in Hollywood has kept him from becoming a leading man. He says that heterosexuals are cast as gays (pointing to 'Brokeback Mountain' and 'Transamerica') but gay men are denied the plum straight roles and often reduced to drag.
'The fact is that you could not be, and still cannot be, a 25-year-old homosexual trying to make it in the British film business or the American film business or even the Italian film business," he said. "It just doesn't work and you're going to hit a brick wall at some point. You're going to manage to make it roll for a certain amount of time, but at the first sign of failure they'll cut you right off. And I'm sick of saying, 'Yes, it's probably my own fault.' Because I've always tried to make it work and when it stops working somewhere, I try to make it work somewhere else. But the fact of the matter is, and I don't care who disagrees, it doesn't work if you're gay.'
Everett does admit that his openness about his sexuality has afforded him personal happiness if not professional success. He's glad he's not one of the "plenty" of gay Hollywood stars still stuck in the closet."
Amazing Speech on Marriage Equality: New York State Senator Diane Savino makes some very compelling statements on marriage equality.
PLEASE share this with friends, family, and everyone else who is important to you.
Washington's statewide vote for full domestic partnerships is official: "It's official! Governor Chris Gregoire and Secretary of State Sam Reed certified the election results on Tuesday. The new domestic partnership law will now go into effect at 12:01 a.m. Thursday, December 3. There are currently 13,082 people in registered domestic partnerships in both same-sex couples and opposite-sex couples where at least one partner is 62 or older. Washington state registered domestic partners are now fully equal to their married peers under Washington state law."
GA elects 1st black out lesbian state legislator, 1st Asian out gay man to Atlanta City Council: Wow! This is awesome! Today has been such a mix of good and bad news.
From GayPolitics:
Great news tonight from Georgia. Voters there have elected the first openly lesbian African-American state legislator in the United States, and Atlanta voters elected the first gay man and first Asian-American to the city council.
Simone Bell, a Victory Fund-endorsed candidate, won a runoff election to represent Georgia State House District 58. She becomes the second openly LGBT member of the Georgia State House, joining Rep. Karla Drenner. Both are from the Atlanta area.
...
Meanwhile Atlanta voters elected the city’s first gay man, and first Asian-American, to the city council. Alex Wan, a Victory Fund-endorsed candidate, will represent District 6 after winning his runoff election tonight. He currently works as the development director of Jerusalem House, Atlanta’s oldest and largest provider of permanent, supportive housing for homeless or low-income individuals and families living with HIV/AIDS.
Meredith Baxter Comes Out On the Today Show: Oh my god, Elyse Keaton is gay! This just adds fuel to sooo many childhood fantasies... And here I was thinking that Alex was supposed to be the lesbian.
Aside from my long-held torch for the perfect tv mom, the news here is this:
Meredith Baxter, who played Elyse Keaton on the popular 80s show "Family Ties" came out today as a lesbian. Baxter, who has been married three times and has four children, is currently in a relationship with general contractor Nancy Locke, and joins a growing group of women coming out later in life.
"I want to say that, I'm not a very political person. I've done political things before, but it's been brought to my attention that this is a political act, even though that's not what it feel like to me. It just feels like personal exposure, and it's uncomfortable. When my understanding is that so much research has been done that says that if anybody knows someone who is gay or lesbian, then when they are addressing gay or lesbian issues, political issues that affect their rights, they are less likely to vote against them, to take away their rights. So, if you knew me before, and you cared about me before, I'm the same woman. I'm the same mother to all these children, and if I can be that lesbian you know now, ok, well if I vote this way then that, that actually might affect this person I know, that Meredith."
Well said Ms. Baxter.
Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy
New York State Senate Votes Down Gay Marriage Bill: The State Senate defeated a bill on Wednesday that would legalize same-sex marriage, after an emotional debate that touched on civil rights, family and history. The vote means that the bill, pushed by Gov. David A. Paterson, is effectively dead for the year and dashes the optimism of gay rights advocates, who have suffered setbacks recently in several key states.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Proclamation By President Barack Obama on World AIDS Day 2009
The White House
Office of the Press Secretary
For Immediate Release November 25, 2009
Presidential Proclamation-- World AIDS Day
A PROCLAMATION:
Our Nation joins the world in celebrating the extraordinary advancements we have made in the battle against HIV and AIDS, and remembering those we have lost. Over the past three decades, brave men and women have fought devastating discrimination, stigma, doubt, and violence as they stood in the face of this deadly disease. Many of them would not be here today, but for the dedication of other persons living with HIV, their loved ones and families, community advocates, and members of the medical profession. On World AIDS Day, we rededicate ourselves to developing a national AIDS strategy that will establish the priorities necessary to combat this devastating epidemic at home, and to renewing our leadership role and commitments abroad.
Though we have been witness to incredible progress, our struggle against HIV/AIDS is far from over. With an infection occurring every nine-and-a-half minutes in America, there are more than one million individuals estimated to be living with the disease in our country. Of those currently infected, one in five does not know they have the condition, and the majority of new infections are spread by people who are unaware of their own status. HIV/AIDS does not discriminate as it infiltrates neighborhoods and communities. Americans of any gender, age, ethnicity, income, or sexual orientation can and are contracting the disease.
Globally, there are over 33 million people living with HIV. While millions have died from this disease, the death rate is slowly declining due, in part, to our Nation's global effort through the President's Emergency Plan for AIDS Relief (PEPFAR) program. However, HIV remains a leading cause of death worldwide. Women and children around the world are particularly vulnerable due to gender inequalities, gaps in access to services, and increases in sexual violence. While the statistics are distressing, new medications and scientific advancements give us reason for hope.
Tackling this disease will take an aggressive, steadfast approach. My Administration is developing a national HIV/AIDS strategy to bolster our response to the domestic epidemic, and a global health initiative that will build on PEPFAR's success. We will develop a strategy to reduce HIV incidence, improve access to care, and help eliminate HIV-related health disparities. We have already ensured that visitors to our shores living with HIV are not marginalized and discriminated against because of their HIV status. We have also secured the continuation of critical HIV/AIDS care and treatment services. Today, we recommit ourselves to building on the accomplishments of the past decades that have dramatically changed the domestic and global HIV/AIDS landscape.
NOW, THEREFORE, I, BARACK OBAMA, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and the laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim December 1, 2009, as World AIDS Day. I urge the Governors of the States and the territories subject to the jurisdiction of the United States, and the American people to join in appropriate activities to remember those who have lost their lives to AIDS, and to provide support and comfort to those living with this disease.
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this twenty-fifth day of November, in the year of our Lord two thousand nine, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirty-fourth.
BARACK OBAMA
On Campus For World AIDS Day
Free screening of RENT
Griffith Theater, 8:00 pm
(Sponsored by Duke's Know Your Status, Freewater Presentations, Blue Devils United, Center for LGBT Life, and DELISH)
Free HIV Testing
Bryan Center, Meeting Room B
10:00am - 6:00pm
Sponsored by Know Your Status. Stop by, get tested, and receive a free t-shirt. It only takes 20 minutes!
Visit the Facebook event page here.
Mixed Blood
Screenings, tests, questionnaires, we’ve all been subject to the selecting process in some way, shape, or form; at times we find ourselves included on the right side of the metaphoric fence, and at others we are left out in the cold with the rest of the garbage. Rejection is never a positive experience (one would think), but we assume that we were not chosen because of our lacking merit, and in a justly manner, no less. For it must be true, obviously, that the standards and reasoning behind these selections were valid and without bias, right?
The world has never been short of its bigoted, excluding parties, and today is no different.
For most individuals who pop into Duke’s American Red Cross Blood Drive Donation Reception Area (sounds so much more official than just saying Von Canon, doesn’t it?), question 34 of the screening questionnaire is just another negligent hurdle to jump before you can claim your cookie and juice box. For others, however, including yours truly, it is a moral crossroads. Answer “no” and you walk free, most likely to the end, nonetheless affected save for that bruise on your arm from the volunteer continuously missing your vein (c’mon, seriously). But answer “yes”, and you find yourself forever banned, your name on a list of individuals deemed too risky to give.
The question in question (hehe, puns) is as follows: “From 1977 to the present, have you had sexual contact with another male, even once?” Now for me, the most insulting aspect of this question is not that it dares to equate my sexual activity unfit for the donor room, but the “even once” additive. As if we’re cheating members of Weight Watchers packing the Oreo filling between two cookies and calling it one serving. Oh, hell, it was just once, it won’t count, right? Quite frankly, those two small words insult the integrity and intelligence of the person in question (hehe, more puns) in what is already a discriminate and unfair topic to discuss.
Recently, The Advocate posted an article in their October issue concerning the battle of the lifelong ban of gay men by the FDA, detailing the origin of the ban, its supporters, its critics, and the measures taken. Basically, the ban came about amidst the HIV/AIDS scare and was taken as an extreme preventative measure that has, clearly, outstayed its welcome. Nowhere does the questionnaire screen heterosexual couples for their promiscuity, nor does it offer as severe a punishment for other “questionable” behaviors. In fact, many of the organizations that hold these blood drives (the American Red Cross included) are advocating that the FDA rethink its policy. As of yet, the administration is unyielding, yet Obama’s newest appointments promise at least a potential screening, giving the questionnaire a taste of its own medicine.
Again I cop out, Dear Reader, and leave the discussion up to you, but here are some facts to consider as you fill the comments box *cough cough*:
· Unprotected anal intercourse presents the highest risk due to the propensity for the rectal tissue to tear, permitting an access for infected blood and semen
· Other behavioral risk factors result in a 12-month deferral from donating versus the lifelong ban of MSM contact, a revision many are considering for #34—though I don’t see HOW they expect anyone to wait a year
· 15% of HIV infection is through anal intercourse, while 60% is through vaginal, according to the World Health Organization
So there you have it: now have at it!
Monday, November 30, 2009
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton calls the U.S. to "stand against efforts to marginalize and criminalize and penalize members of the LGBT community worldwide": Whether you love her or hate her (I've always adored her myself), you've got to appreciate Sec. Clinton standing up for us. Now I wonder if "worldwide" includes the U.S.?
WH defies court order -- top openly gay official's dept seeks to bar partner health benefits: From Pam's House Blend:
"This is yet another black eye for this administration that will force them to rationalize this maneuver. Mike Signorile:
If the Obama administration, which now has less than 30 days to respond, tries to fight this, not only will it undoubtedly cause another (and much bigger, in my opinion) firestorm within the LGBT community, but it's not clear that it actually can fight it, let alone win:Again -- the sorry truth is that is the Office of Personnel Management led by John Berry, an openly gay man, is pushing for this. His marching orders are to deny a fellow member of our community -- a federal employee -- rights ordered granted by a federal court. Unbelievable. "
[Judge Kozinski's] order last week demanded that the executive branch reverse course, and gave the Administration 30 days to enroll Golinski's wife as her health-insurance beneficiary. He made clear that if it doesn't, he's ready to use the powers of his court to enforce his decree. University of California law professor Rory Little, a former Justice Department prosecutor and chief of appeals, called the order a "bombshell." "This is like exposing the tip of a huge iceberg that nobody knew even existed," he told TIME. "It's a fascinating question: Do the courts even have the power to do this? Where does it leave things procedurally? Where can the Administration appeal? I think there are five or six lawyers in the [Solicitor General's] office scurrying around right now trying to figure out what to do with this."
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