Onion News: "Gays Too Precious To Risk in Combat": Props to Cole for finding this:
Friday, December 25, 2009
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Merry Christmas! Have some judgment.
Yayayayay it’s Christmas! Almost. It’s a time of homecoming: families and friends are reunited and we show our love for each other with gifts. It’s also a religious holiday, which is a mixed bag for me. I put on a nice face and sing at church and wonder what people would think if they knew. Ugh. You’d think I'd be past that by now. But no.
It's not entirely surprising. I’m out to all of my immediate family, and slowly to some of the less immediate ones, but it’s always hard to know what you can and can’t say (or wear—I brought all of my Love=Love shirts home, if only to annoy my sister. I wore it a few times last year while tutoring at an elementary school and was somewhat uncomfortable, but the school didn’t have a problem with it, so neither did I). My mother told me that she had recently told her sister(-in-law) and that her reaction had been something along the line of, “Oh, I’m sorry to hear he’s made that choice.” Which I’m not even for a moment going to pretend isn’t hugely offensive. It isn’t as though this particular woman doesn’t know me. I’ve stayed at her house probably a dozen times now and our family often spent Thanksgiving with hers.
I don’t know exactly what happened after that; hopefully my parents stood up for me, as they apparently did in another similar incident in which the folks said “love the sinner, hate the sin.” To which I simply respond with incredulity: I mean, you’ve already implicated yourselves in prejudice. You’re on a roll. Why not keep going?
At first I thought it had something to do with how exactly my parents were telling them. Tone of voice says a lot, as do the exact circumstances in which you tell them. If you treat it as a big deal, so will they. If you don’t, well, they’ll probably be so surprised by your cavalierism (It's a word. Promise.) they won’t get to show you their lack of acceptance.
So that's something I’ve been working on lately: casually introducing jokes or sexuality–relevant bits of discussion into conversation so that my family doesn’t treat it as such a big deal. We’ll see if it works (get back to you soon on that!).
It can be difficult with the family though—or, in general, with people who aren’t used to talking about it as much as I am. Last weekend I went to Portland to visit the only other guy from my high school class who’s come out. When I told my mom this, she made it sound like a disease: “Oh, so he's also…gay?” Yes, mother.
Additionally, it’s just kind of hard to talk about with my sister and brother–in–law, both of whom are fairly conservative Catholic (we’re all Catholic, but most of us aren’t quite as strictly traditional as those two). I’ve easily had eight hours of discussions of LGBT–related issues with the two of them, and after all that, my brother-in-law said, “Well, I guess I’m still just not sure that it isn’t a choice.” Which is, I hope, understandably frustrating to hear. But what do I say to that? It seems so obvious to me that no one would wish this upon themselves that I just don’t know what to say next—not that having it be undesirable means it’s not a choice, but there’s also a preponderance of evidence suggesting that it’s a natural thing.
There’s just such a huge range of how comfortable different people can be with it or talking about it that it can make communication difficult. For now, I do what I can for my family, sending them links to blog entries or news stories which have meant a lot to me and hoping they’ll get around to reading them. In a day or two they’ll all be around; I’m hoping to get them to that next level of comfort, and if they’re not ready for it, it’ll just be their responsibility to talk with me privately about it.
There’s no instruction manual to all this “being gay” business (though a friend tells me I can learn almost anything from the Golden Girls, so might have to give them a try). I hate that and I love it. But it’s part of my life. It’s not an opt-in thing; it will always be there, whether I like it or not. I think I like it.
But that’s just personal stuff. Forget about it. It is Christmas, after all. Let’s be friends and family and enjoy each other’s company. I hope all of you, dear readers and fellow contributors, have a wonderful holiday season, whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Festivus, or anything else. Happy birthday, Jesus.
When Winter Break Starts Feeling Too Long...
I didn’t want my blog entries to be about me—I wanted them to be about other people. Find, learn, and record the very important stories of my peers. That was my goal. That was why I wanted to participate as a writer, even though I’m very critical of my writing ability.
But it’s winter break, I just came out to my dad, and I’m freaking out, so please forgive the creative license I’m taking here. I hope you don’t mind if I’m using this blog as a tool for some of my own thought processes that I need to go through. I’m expecting that getting this out will help me from feeling so trapped. I’m going to try and speak in general terms, since this is going online and we seem to have many readers. But I want to be honest and as transparent as possible.
I’m hurting a lot. I don’t know if it’s because being home is hard, or if it’s because my dad and I haven’t had a follow up conversation yet, or if it’s because I feel stuck, or if it’s because I’m changing faster than the people around me. It’s probably a combination of all of these things. And I’m not known for my patience.
What is supposed to happen next? Why did I open up to my dad when I came home? When I need my community most, why am I 3,000 miles from my safe haven? I’m not regretting that I did it, but maybe I should have double-checked my access to socializing a little better first. I’m definitely stoked for the LGBT Discussion Group. (Chris, please schedule one early in the semester!) Or it could be that all this stress is coming from the Holiday Season. I’m not a big fan of holidays. But we won’t get into that.
I must say, I’m kind of crushed that no one is updating over break. I know everyone is super busy but there ARE people who AREN’T as busy. So you should even write a few short paragraphs about something. Anything. So that way, when I’m checking the blog for the twentieth time, there will be something new to read, some hilarious insight to films, or sexual health, or coming out. Please post. Anonymous readers, please submit something.
Like I said, I don’t want to go into details. Those will be freely given on a one on one basis if you’d like to know more about me. I like new friends, and closer friends. I hope this transmits my overall feeling of anxiety and loneliness. 17 days until I’m back in Durham, but who’s counting?
I’m so excited for the LGBT Center Spring programming, and I don’t even know what events there will be yet. But I’m sure they’re gonna be great.
As a few final notes:
I want to encourage all the Duke women to submit to the All of the Above show. Here’s the Facebook link, it’s an amazing production.
I shaved my head while I was still at Duke…to make my big steps feel a little more tangible…so that’s what the photo is all about.
Also thankful for all my friends who have made it home safely from abroad (those storms seemed to detain many of you) and safe travels to those heading out in the spring.
Thank you so much for all of your comments last week.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Mexico City Legalizes Gay Marriage! Mexico City lawmakers on Monday made the city the first in Latin America to legalize same-sex marriage, a change that will give homosexual couples more rights, including allowing them to adopt children.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Do you want to know me? I'd like to know you too.
Everyone… I’m freaking out. I’m terrified, things are changing and I’m swept up in a huge transition. I wanted to make this blog strictly about putting a face to the LGBTQA community, to interview others and to get closer to those I didn’t know.
What I wasn’t exactly anticipating was the questions I’d get in return…or the challenges to identify…to come out. Since my time at Duke, I haven’t put a name to my orientation. I hide safe behind my Ally card while urging others to come out to their parents, their friends, and their professors. I’ve spent a lot of time in heterosexual relationships so I don’t have to deal with questions or confrontation, prejudice or hate.
But then I met Ashe. And everything changed.
If you don’t know Ashe, you NEED to. I’m not gonna tell her story because I haven’t asked her yet. Although I don’t think she’d mind, I’m big on asking permission. So I’ll save that for another time, and just tell my side. She helped me see a ton of the inconsistencies in what I believed in: to push others to tell their parents about their sexuality while I was able to happily avoid mine. I know some people shouldn’t be pushed, some people aren’t ready to be pushed, and some people don’t respond to aggressive pushing, so it’s definitely not something that I would recommend for everyone. But it worked for me.
So on Tuesday night, I came out to my dad.
I still don’t identify with one label because I have this issue with thinking that I’m appropriating a community that isn’t entirely mine yet (Let’s work on that). I know it’ll be a process. I think the term Bisexual gets a lot of grief (which NEEDS to be talked about), and I like the term Queer a lot. Maybe if I let it marinate a little bit I might be able to use that. But I’m not there yet.
I don’t mean to commandeer this blog entry and tell the details of my coming out story because I’ve finally had to really empathize with how intimate and difficult it really is. My conversation with my dad went a lot worse than I expected…but it wasn’t horrible. It ended with a hug and an “I love you” from him, so I’m counting myself incredibly fortunate and hoping that time will help it be less difficult.
It’s hard to put this online. As I’m typing this, I’m doubting my decision to put it online….because I’m scared. But if I dare to collect stories and give peoples names and photos and personal information, then I want to be on the front lines. We need to stand in solidarity and talk about safe sex, and sexual abuse, and relationships, and transgender issues, and adoption, and so many other things.
My name is Summer Puente and I want to stand next to you, not just behind you.
Rwanda to vote on bill criminalizing homosexuality: From the International Gay and Lesbian Human Rights Commission: On December 16, 2009, the lower house of the Rwandan Parliament will hold its final debate on a draft revision of the penal code that will, for the first time, make homosexuality a crime in Rwanda. A vote on this draft code will occur before the end of the week. The International Gay and Lesbian Human Rights Commission (IGLHRC) has learned that the proposed Article 217 of the draft Penal Code Act will criminalize "[a]ny person who practices, encourages or sensitizes people of the same sex, to sexual relation or any sexual practice." If the Chamber of Deputies approves, the draft code will go before the Rwandan Senate most likely in early 2010. Article 217 violates Rwandans' basic human rights and is contradictory to the Rwandan Constitution as well as various regional and international conventions.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
BBC Slammed For Debating Ugandan Bill To Kill Gays: "The British Broadcasting Corp. suffered criticism from lawmakers Wednesday for inviting debate on whether homosexuals should face execution in Uganda.
BBC's "Africa Have Your Say" Web site asked for people's views on whether Uganda has gone too far and whether there should be any laws against gays.
The page's title was originally "Should homosexuals face execution?" but was later changed to "Should Uganda debate gay execution?" Several British politicians said the taxpayer-funded broadcaster should not treat the execution of gays as a legitimate topic for discussion.
"We should be looking at what is going on in Uganda with abhorrence," said lawmaker Eric Joyce of the ruling Labour Party. "We should be condemning it, and the BBC should be condemning it. ... Instead it seems to have thought it appropriate to come up with something that suggests it's a subject for discussion." ...
The BBC's World Service Africa program editor, David Stead, defended the debate. In a blog posted on the BBC Web site, he said editors had "thought long and hard about using this question" and sought to reflect the diverse views about homosexuality in Africa.
"We agree that it is a stark and challenging question, but think that it accurately focuses on and illustrates the real issue at stake," he said."
Mecklenberg, North Carolina approves domestic partner benefits: North Carolina's largest county, Mecklenberg, which includes Charlotte, has approved domestic partner benefits for workers.
"The Mecklenburg County Board of Commissioners split along party lines at their meeting Dec. 15, approving domestic partner benefits for same-sex couples 6-3. The county joins six other local North Carolina governments offering similar benefits. "
Gov. Paterson signs order protecting state employees against gender identity discrimination:
From the Office of Governor Patterson:
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
December 16, 2009
GOVERNOR PATERSON SIGNS GENDER IDENTITY AND EXPRESSION EXECUTIVE ORDER
Executive Order Will Protect State Workers from Discrimination Based on Gender Identity
Governor David A. Paterson today signed Executive Order No. 33 that will prohibit New York State agencies from discriminating against any individual on the basis of gender identity and expression in any matter pertaining to employment by the State. Executive Order No. 33 directs the Office of Employee Relations, in consultation with the Executive Director of the Division of Human Rights, to develop and implement clear and consistent guidelines prohibiting gender identity and expression discrimination by all State agencies.
...
Currently, 13 states and over 90 municipalities and counties - including the City of New York - prohibit discrimination on the basis of gender identity and expression by statute, and numerous others have imposed such a ban through executive action or policy.
The story of a young Ugandan gay couple: (from The Daily Monitor) A proposed anti-gay law could make Uganda perhaps the most dangerous place for homosexuals and drive the gays of Uganda further underground. In a rare interview, the first of its kind with a newspaper journalist, a lesbian told Saturday Monitor’s Rodney Muhumuza why she is very scared.
...
Ms Kalende has been openly gay since 2002, several years before she became a rights activist with the group Freedom and Roam-Uganda, six years before she met the woman she calls the love of her life.
...
In the intimate scheme of things, Ms Kalende plays the stronger partner, encouraging her lover, whom she affectionately calls Mimi, to be brave and allaying her concerns about safety in Uganda. “When she starts to cry, I don’t cry,” Ms Kalende said. “I want to be stronger than she is. But I feel bad, of course. She is really scared about what’s going on at home.”
...
In press conferences hastily called to condemn the gays of Uganda, Ethics Minister Nsaba Buturo has been revving up the rhetoric, telling reporters that homosexuals can “forget about human rights”. In a recent press briefing, Dr Buturo asked homosexuals to “leave us alone”.
...
When Ms Kalende agreed to talk to a journalist about how the proposed law made her feel, she first sought the consent of her partner.
She said yes, but with the caveat that “you don’t put me out there”. Before she left Uganda, Ms Kalende’s partner had sought to convince her lover to go slow with her activism, to keep a low profile, to just hang in there. It was the kind of advice Ms Kalende was always reluctant to accept.
...
In one of those moments when Ms Kalende would stop to give a thoughtful response, she came across as resigned to a destiny she had no way of foretelling. “We’ve never been through this,” she said, preparing to ask a question for which she get no answer.
“Even with the existing law, things have never been this serious. I don’t know if things will ever be normal for us. Tell me, what will happen to us?”
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Marriage Equality Passes in Washington D.C.: The Associated Press reports that the Washington, D.C., City Council voted Tuesday to legalize gay marriage in the nation's capital, handing supporters a victory after a string of recent defeats in Maine, New York and New Jersey.
Mayor Adrian Fenty has promised to sign the bill, which passed 11-2, and gay couples could begin marrying as early as March. Congress, which has final say over Washington's laws, could reject it, but Democratic leaders have suggested they are reluctant to do so.
The bill had overwhelming support among council members and was expected to pass, though opponents have vowed to try to get Congress or voters to overturn it.
Monday, December 14, 2009
See You Soon! Directions On How To Use The Blog For The Next Month Or So
Today is officially the first day of winter break for Duke students. You may not be able to see me smiling right now wearing pajamas in bed at 1 PM on a Monday, but make no mistake: I am smiling right now wearing my pajamas in bed at 1PM on a Monday. Last week was finals week on campus, which is a time when engineering students pore over textbooks and notes in order to master the derivation and application of several centuries worth of scientific progress and theory in order to even have an infinitesimal chance at passing their exams while the arts and sciences kids procrastinate their papers on topics like "Philosophy of the Alphabet" ("But how does the letter T feel?") and "My Breakfast This Morning: A Closer Look at My Breakfast This Morning." The bottom line is that this is what was behind our lack of columns and features last week (besides Summer's interview with Ari, because she's a baller like that).The Blog Staff is now on break until next semester, though by no means does that mean that this blog will be dead until then. I will definitely continue to post anonymous entries every Monday as I get them. If someone sends in a coming out story (using the link on the side bar or by emailing us at bluedevilsunited@gmail.com) I'll also post that the following Wednesday. I would also stay tuned for news updates, and wouldn't count out the random appearance of a column or two.
This is also a great opportunity to go through any of the 124 previous posts that you may have missed or want to read again. Especially those that you forgot to comment on. Remember when you forgot to comment on that post? Me too. Take care of that!
A list of links to all non-news posts for your convenience after the jump...
Columns:
Oli: "Friday Night"
Robert: "PDgAy? Fine with Me"
Matt: "Oh, him? He's gay."
Aliza: "Don't Forget to Remember"
Robert: "Mixed Blood"
Nick: "A Strange Encounter"
Oli: "Velociraptors"
Features:
So Far, So Very Very Good.
Our blog recently celebrated its one-month birthday. And what a month it's been! Including news blurbs, we've had 124 posts written by 13 different BDU members. Google Analytics tells me that the site has been visited 4,066 times by 1,172 people from 33 different countries. We're only 8 states short of the full 50. Our post on the Durham Vigil for Jorge and Jason was featured on Pam's House Blend, which is read nationally and revered personally.I don't think any of us foresaw this level of success! At the same time, though, I'm not surprised. The entire staff has come up so big for this blog, and every incredible outcome is largely due (and directly proportional) to the hard work and passion of the people involved. So thank you, Staff, for everything. Y'all rock, and I hope you are witnessing the positivity and progress you are effecting in the comments section, the anonymous posts, and even around campus. Keep up the good work! I'm looking forward to a ton of fun next semester :)
To the Readers. You have carried this blog as well! Your questions and input alike are so important to a Duke (and evidently national) Community that is starving for these conversations. Continue to visit, and spread the word. This project is only going to get bigger. We've got some sweet ideas for next semester...
Happy Holidays,
Chris Perry
Editor
P.S. Today is also the five-day anniversary of the Glee season finale, where this happened:
So I'll be celebrating (read: "performing") that, too, today (in my underwear, most likely) if you'd like to follow suit. Just saying.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Anonymous Posts(12.7.09–12.13.09)
Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks or hate speech. Feel free to submit your thoughts and questions :)Last week saw the most lively discussion under an anonymous posts post (I've got to figure out a better way to say that) since our launch. It has always been clear from the start that we have The Best Readership, but y'all really earned the title over those several days. Let's throw Comment Parties all the time from now on, because that was awesome.
This week's entries are just as respondable (a word, now), so I'll see you in the comments section :)
#1
College is supposed to be a time of self-discovery, right? What if I'm scared to think too hard about it? I might not be the straight girl that my family thinks I am. I don't even know. I do know I will never tell them how I feel; they've already made their feelings on the subject quite clear without any prompting from me. It hurts when they do that. So I act like the perfect daughter, but it gets harder every time I go home.
[Ed. Note: This is a situation that many of Us have gone through. Introspection - and extrospection, while we're at it - on these issues is just as important and ultimately worthwhile as it is potentially tough and long-term. While I'll leave advice to the commenters, I will say that at the very least, You are far from the only one that this has ever happened to. You're not alone, and I think you'll find a lot of empathy in the Readers here.]
#2
I've decided to come out next semester to my close friends and to come out to my Dad (the last immediate family member) over Christmas break. Wish me luck!
[Ed. Note: I'm totally cheering for you. Good luck with everything! Let us know how it goes? :)]
#3
I am a recently admitted member of the class of 2014, and I wanted to thank all involved with this blog. As a (mostly) closeted gay male living in an overwhelmingly conservative area, I can honestly say that this blog is making my wait to start anew all the more difficult. But I can wait; in the end, the reward will be that much sweeter. Thank you, BDU, and keep up the good work.
[Ed. Note: Hey! Thank YOU. It's superimportant to us that prospective and admitted students find our blog. Continue reading, My Favorite '14er So Far. I'm also taking this as an early commitment to be on the blog staff? Awesome. See you in a few months!]
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Houston becomes the largest city to elect an openly LGBT chief executive! Annise Parker, who was endorsed by the Victory Fund, won her runoff election against Gene Locke, a former city attorney, after a year-long campaign that drew national attention both because of the potential for a history-making outcome and because of coordinated anti-gay campaigns designed to prevent her victory.
Chuck Wolfe, president and CEO of the Victory Fund, said the win was significant not just for Houston, but for all LGBT Americans. "This is a watershed moment in American politics. One of the largest cities in the country will be headed by an out lesbian, chosen by people who voted for her because of her experience and competence. Houston rejected the politics of division and the extremists failed," Wolfe said. "After a bittersweet political year for the LGBT community, it's nice to be able to smile this wide."
Friday, December 11, 2009
Gay British soldier talks about coming out to his comrades: "An openly gay soldier in Afghanistan has spoken about the support and acceptance he has received from his comrades.
Trooper Ben Rakestrow, said that since he came out to his squadron a year ago he has faced nothing but harmless banter from his fellow soldiers.
The 21-year-old, who serves with 2nd Royal Tank Regiment (2RTR), said it was difficult to reveal his sexuality in such a high-testosterone environment. 'It was difficult to start with,' he said. 'I didn't know how they'd react.'"
"The army hasn't always been so accepting. In 1999, the year before the ban on gay personnel was lifted, 298 people were discharged for their sexuality.
But in 2000 a legal victory, fought for by three gay men and a lesbian, who had been discharged from the Royal Navy and RAF after being found to be gay, paved the way for openly gay servicemen and women.
British servicemen and women now march at Gay Pride in uniform."
I cannot wait for the day that this will be a reality for our brave servicemembers.
Civil Unions legalized in Austria: Austria's parliament has approved legalising civil unions in the country.
Out of 174 lawmakers present, 110 voted in favour and 64 voted against, Associated Press reports.
The law is due to come into force on January 1st. It will provide gay couples with some of the rights and benefits enjoyed by heterosexual couples.
However, it reiterates the ban on gay couples adopting children or using IVF and artificial insemination.
Instead, benefits granted include rights to social security claims, inheritance and court trials.
Gay couples will not be able to hold their ceremonies at civil registry offices, as heterosexual couples do. Instead, they will have to register at the municipal office or the magistrate's office."
Thursday, December 10, 2009
“At Thanksgiving, it’s the turkey next to the kabob next to the hummus.”
Ari is a Jewish Israeli, with a mom from Tel Aviv and a father who served in Lebanon for six months. His family came to the United Stated based on persecution, so even though he does not consider himself very religious, he still feels very strongly about Jewish ethics and culture. “At Thanksgiving, it’s the turkey next to the kabob next to the hummus.” He remains very curious about his background and where he comes from, he says he knows it sounds cliché but “as an American I’ve become very detached, but I want to know more about my family.”
He spends his time reading and doing work (and watching films, as we know from his great film reviews on this blog). From how he talks about his shows, I can tell he watches a lot of TV too. Our interview was long and detailed and wonderful and he rattled off a list of his favorite things: The History Boys movie (Chris is going to make fun of him for this) [Ed. Note: Yeah, I am. This is The Weirdest Movie, Ari.], In Cold Blood, Into the Wild, The Smiths, his grandma’s food, New York pizza and bagels…
Ari is sensitive and hilarious but he showed a different side of himself when we sat down to talk. Granted, I don’t know Ari incredibly well in the first place, but it was great to listen to him wonder about the future. “I look forward to knowing how everything pans out. Where am I gonna be working? I don’t even know. It sounds so cheesy, but who am I gonna be marrying in Greenwich Connecticut and then going to where they accept me. I look forward to my parent’s acceptance as much as their growing process. I know my parents, I know what their reaction is gonna be. I want to see where my indecisiveness leads me.”
Our time together was interrupted due to the BDU meeting that was starting but I was able to get a little bit more information out of him. We talked about regrets, and he acknowledges that he’s going at his own pace so he doesn’t regret coming out sooner. He mentions that he regrets not being closer with his brother, but as he was saying this he realized that it’s definitely something he can still change. (So change it!)
One thing I do every night is think about three things I’m thankful for, so I ask this same question of my interviewees. Ari says, “Today I am thankful for my close friends here and at home, I’m thankful for (this goes back to the Jack thing) the LGBT students that are so comfortable with themselves, and I’m thankful I’m done with my history class.” I’m certain that we’re all thankful Ari is in our lives and I hope that he can continue to be a strong individual and be that beacon of light for some new individuals who are learning how to come out with their heads held high.
McDonald's Fires Anti-Trans Manager: Earlier this week, Zikerria Bellamy filed a complaint against McDonald’s for refusing to hire her because she is transgender.
One of the managers left a detailed voice mail message on Bellamy’s phone in July, saying “It doesn’t matter how many times you go down there, you will not get hired. We do not hire faggots. You lied to me.”
That manager has been fired.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Richard Cohen, Real Life Person That Is Completely Serious: (from The Huffington Post) Last night, Rachel Maddow interviewed Richard Cohen, the author of Coming Out Straight. Which is an actual book about 'overcoming' homosexuality. All you need, apparently, is a tennis racquet and CUDDLING WITH A MEMBER OF THE SAME SEX. Science. Unfortunately, this would be much funnier if it wasn't being used by the Ugandan government for support of their proposed bill to make homosexuality punishable by death, which is also something that is actually happening in real life in 2009 on this planet. Right now. Videos below, Readers.
Monday, December 7, 2009
NJ Marriage Equality Headed to Senate: The New Jersey Senate Judiciary Committee has voted the marriage equality bill onward--it will be discussed in the Senate as early as Thursday.
More discussion at advocate.com.
Listen to the NJ Marriage Equality Debate Live: If you're around right now, the NJ Senate Judiciary Committee is currently discussing marriage equality in the state. Listen here! (click Listen on the right side)
Update: The deliberations have since ended--the results of the vote can be found here.
Anonymous Posts(11.30.09–12.6.09)
Every week, we collect anonymous entries sent in using the link on our sidebar and post them all on Monday. We post anything as long as it doesn't contain personal attacks or hate speech. Feel free to submit your thoughts and questions :)You totally stepped it up this week with the anonymous posts, Readers. Good work all around!
But don't forget that we also have a responsibility to respond to our anonymous contributors! See you in the comments :)
#1:
"They Don't Understand"
They don't understand the injustice they cause
Nor do they mind passing unequal laws.
They don't understand the sadness they create
Nor do they see that what they're spreading is hate.
They don't understand that their vote matters
Nor do they care about the lives it shatters.
They don't understand the lies they tell
Nor do they realize we're not going to hell.
They don't understand the reason we fight
Nor do they know of the anger they incite.
O God I pray
That you show them the way
Because I am gay
And it's okay.
[Ed. Note: Oh hai, ORIGINAL POEM. Best. Readership. Ever.]
#2:
Absolutely amazing video by one senator during the vote in the NY Senate.
[Ed. Note: This video definitely made its way around the interwebs since this anonymous poster sent this in to us and we've already posted it before, but it's totally worth putting up again (see: "duh"). Let's all share about how many times we said "yes!" the first [eight] times we watched this. Tell her, Artie:
#3:
As I'm getting older, and closer to graduation and the real world, I've been thinking a lot about the possibility of having a family in a few years time. This raises conflicting emotions in me - as a gay male, obviously I won't be able to have children of my own with my partner, the child will only be biologically related to one of the fathers. There is, of course adoption - there're far too many kids out there without homes and families right now. I'm not really sure how I feel about all this, I'm not sure I'd make a good father, or that I'd be able to provide the right environment for a kid growing up.
What I want to know is, how do all of you in the openly lgbt community feel about this issue?
[Ed. Note: This is most definitely a topic that we've all thought about, right? Right. Let's throw a Comment Party for this one.]
#4:
I stumbled upon this website today (literally, stumbleupon.com = AMAZING). Anyways, the picture shows a fantastic campaign that promotes AIDS awareness and prevention in a super creative way. This was done in Rio Grande do Sul in Brazil, and they totally have the right idea.
Check it out [here].
translation: "Take your condom and help in the fight against AIDS" - as more people take condoms, AIDS begins to disappear. Genius? Absolutely.
[Ed. Note: Great find! It is difficult to inspire us desensitized Millennials, and it is always interesting to see the amazing [by necessity, almost] campaigns that Good organizations come up with.]
Orlando McDonald's Manager Allegedly Told Trans Applicant: 'We Do Not Hire F**gots': Seventeen-year-old Zikerria Bellamy applied online for a position as a shift manager or crew leader at an Orlando McDonald's. When she went in for the interview on July 28, Bellamy says a manager forced her to check a box indicating her gender.
"Once I looked at his facial expression, when I checked off male, like the whole face just changed. He was upset. I seen the anger, you know, like you can tell when someone gets upset," Bellamy said.
She said she was told she would not be granted an interview and received an angry, hateful voicemail from the manager later in the day.
"You went to [indistinguishable] McDonald's today," the message says. "It doesn't matter how many times you go down there. You will not get hired. We do not hire faggots. You lied to me. You told me you was a woman. And then you lied to me. You told me you were seventeen. I can't believe you. You're a lying brother. How could you ever lie to me?"
More coverage at Pam's House Blend.
UCLA: Stem Cells Can Kill HIV: Researchers at the University of California, Los Angeles, made a stunning announcement Monday: Stem cells can be engineered to kill HIV.
The results, published Monday in the online journal PLoS ONE, demonstrate that human stem cells can be engineered into the equivalent of a genetic vaccine.
Gay Catholics Blast NJ Bishops: A gay Roman Catholic group has denounced a letter that New Jersey Catholic bishops circulated in opposition to marriage equality.
“Whatever the New Jersey bishops are trying to do around the issue of marriage has nothing to do with justice,” reads a statement from the Rainbow Sash Movement. “One of the most basic concepts that underline all Catholic teaching is that ‘All people are entitled to equality of rights regardless of their situation.’ This fundamental position cannot be dismissed in the name of religious rigidity. To do so is to throw foundational Catholic tradition out the window in the name of intolerance and the narrowness of dogma.”
Late last month New Jersey bishops asked priests to read or distribute a letter asking parishioners to pray that the state legislature would not approve marriage rights for gay couples. The bishops called the possibility of same-sex marriage “one of the most serious challenges” to the traditional definition of marriage. The state senate is expected to vote on a marriage equality bill this week, after which the assembly would consider it.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Straight Brooklyn Couple Applies to Annul Marriage Because Gay Marriage Still Not Legal: A couple in Brooklyn is looking to challenge the legitimacy of straight marriages in light of the recent New York Senate vote against gay marriage rights. Their strategy: apply for an annulment.
Unlike a divorce, an annulment claims that the marriage was never viable and legal or that the situation has changed so significantly through no fault of either member of the couple that the marriage must be dissolved.
But this week I was invited to join a Facebook group run by Rachel Murch D’Olimpio and Matthew D’Olimpio: New York residents who are going to apply for an annulment on the grounds that their marriage contract violates constitutional equality guarantees and is thus void. The group already has over 700 members.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Episcopal Diocese of Los Angeles elects openly gay bishop: "The Episcopal Diocese of Los Angeles today elected the first openly gay bishop since the national church lifted a ban that sought to bar gays and lesbians from the church's highest ordained ministry.
Clergy and lay leaders, meeting in Riverside for their annual convention, elected the Rev. Canon Mary D. Glasspool, 55, who has been in a committed relationship with another woman since 1988. Another gay candidate, the Rev. John L. Kirkley of San Francisco, withdrew late Friday.
Glasspool’s election to fill one of two openings for bishops of the diocese followed the selection Friday of the Rev. Canon Diane Jardine Bruce, 53, the rector of a San Clemente church. The two became the first women elected as bishops of the diocese in its 114-year history."
Cynthia Nixon on NY gay marriage vote: "... Wednesday's No vote on same sex marriage was supremely disappointing on a personal as well as a political level. Guess Christine and I can kiss that Waldorf Astoria wedding... Brooklyn Botanical Gardens wedding... Montauk Beach wedding -- you fill in the blank -- goodbye.
But we have two things today we didn't have yesterday. The first thing we have is clarity about who's with us and who's against us. And we'll remember those yays and nays for next November and for Novembers to come. And there will be consequences.
The second thing is a new ally. Her name is Ruth Hassell-Thompson. She is a Senator from the Bronx and Mt Vernon and she is fierce. ..."
Read more at The Huffington Post.
Friday, December 4, 2009
Rainbows, Buttons, Flags, and Umbrellas
It's been a rainy semester here at Duke. As a result, I've become quite the connoisseur of umbrellas. I have one for light, daily use (black), one for heavy rain and heavy wind (blue and white), and a recent acquisition: one for everything in between (rainbow-colored). And while the heavy blue-and-white umbrella is by far the most durable choice, I've tended to choose to tout the rainbow umbrella. First, because it's pretty (there's a pic farther down!). Second, because, well, I want to be visible.
When I came out, it really took a while for me to decide how big a part of my identity it was--it's a daily process, really--okay, so I'm gay--what's next? Following the bridge incident this year, Blue Devils United ordered rainbow flags for students to put up outside their windows to show support for and solidarity with the LGBT community. I put mine in the window itself, so when I have my lights on it looks kind of like stained glass from the outside (photo: Oli Wilson). I think it's really important to show people that this is campus that's affirming of LGBT individuals (or even if that's not entirely the case, I think that if we give off that image, it will gradually become a self-fulfilling thing). It's the same with the Love=Love shirts.Each year on National Coming Out Day, the LGBT Center, in cooperation with the various LGBT groups on campus, gives out free Love=Love shirts in various colors--1500 shirts a year. They're usually gone within an hour or two. LGBTQA students, faculty, grad students, and community members wear the shirts around campus. It's a pretty rare day when I don't see at least two people wearing them and it's really heartwarming to see them.
Visibility is something I think about and struggle with a lot. If I wear my Love=Love shirt to yoga, will I be labeled gay for the rest of the semester? Will doubles yoga forever be awkward? (well, okay, doubles yoga is pretty awkward anyway, but whatever.)
Earlier this semester, when it was pouring and I was stuck in the Bryan Center without an umbrella, I bought the new (rainbow) one so I could walk home without getting soaked. I had seen a friend carrying one the week prior and really liked it, plus I just thought it made sense to get one to be visible. Later in the week, I was walking back to my room after Vespers rehearsal and got out my umbrella for the walk. A friend of mine--a guy I consider to be pretty progressive--looked at my umbrella and said something to the effect of, "That's a little excessive, isn't it?" (photo: Sean Dillard)
Well, is it?
Well, is it?Is carrying a rainbow umbrella, as a guy, broadcasting your sexuality? I don't think so. I've gotten a few ambiguous looks while carrying it. But come on! It's a nice-looking umbrella, one of the few available at the Duke store. I don't have to be gay to carry it, right? I mean, granted, we're a pretty homophobic society, but come on. They're colors. Are we really that afraid of Mr. Roy G. Biv?
I also wear an LGBT Center button/pin on my backpack. This one makes me even more nervous. I tend to turn it around when I sit down on the bus so it's facing me. (though, the extreme awkwardness necessary to turn a button into a confrontation will probably always prevent people from talking about it. Just imagine, "Yo, this guy has an LGBT center pin on his bag. Heh, what a fag," is the most graceful way I can imagine it, and, well, clearly, that interaction fails).
Yeah, I wish we lived in a society (or a campus, even) where it'd be commonplace for straight guys to overcome their homophobia enough to do some of the same things I do. But even if they aren't homophobic or being afraid of associated with the LGBT center, being an LGBT activist is simply less likely to be as high on their priority list as it is on mine. And while plenty of my ally friends wear Love=Love shirts, no straight boy around here would carry that umbrella or wear that pin. And I'm okay with that. I think it's good for people to see a guy who's not afraid to carry a rainbow umbrella, regardless of whether or not he's gay. (and just recognizing that sure says something about masculinity...)
I had a long conversation with one of my priests last semester, and he essentially told me that he thought I should be as open and out as I was comfortable being, because it would be healthy for our Catholic community to have someone so open and comfortable both in his role as a gay man and as a Catholic in a leadership position (I'm the co-coordinator for music ministry, so I'm up front with the choir every weekend). And I think I agree. I'm reasonably comfortable with myself (and growing more so each day)--why not use that to help our community and our campus grow?
I've heard the argument that being so visible or being a "queen" (or a rather effeminate gay man) can be harmful to our cause, that it will cause discomfort and push people away. I somewhat disagree. I think that, yes, perhaps some extremely homophobic people will be pushed away--but they're already homophobic and probably still will be tomorrow. In their case, it won't make much of a difference either way. But as I've talked about before, I think the best way to advance our position in the community is to personally connect with people, to allow dialogue to happen and to be comfortable talking about myself. If I'm visible, I make such dialogue more likely--even if I'm not involved--and that's something I'm happy about. If people think about it, I'm confident they'll end up on "our" side, so let's keep people thinking about it.
So yeah. Lots of rain this semester. All my shoes are perpetually muddy. Thankfully, the weather's pretty nice today. If it goes foul tomorrow, though, you can trust I'll be getting out my rainbow umbrella again.
Velociraptors
Something’s been bugging me for months. No, it’s not Fratty McBrahs-a-lot in KA pulling the Craven fire alarm every Monday morning at 4am. It’s not the fact that Taylor Lautner won’t just admit that he’s a few straight arrows short of a quiver. It’s not even that the Alpine Fro-Yo keeps giving me brain freezes when I eat it too fast. Thursday, December 3, 2009
N.J. gay marriage proposal will be considered by Senate next week: The New Jersey gay marriage proposal will be considered Monday by a Senate committee and could be posted for a full senate vote later in the week, state Sen. Ray Lesniak said today. ...
"On Thursday the full Senate is going to vote on marriage equality," said Lesniak, a member of the Senate Judiciary Committee." And God be willing, we'll have 21 votes." ...
Both houses of the Legislature must pass the bill before it goes to the governor. Outgoing Gov. Jon Corzine has said he would sign it. Incoming Gov. Chris Christie says he would veto it.
Sex, Sex, Sex and More Sex
This semester I'm in a class on sex work. The class is divided into four sections: prostitution, sex trafficking, exotic dancing and pornography. Throughout the semester we have exclusively talked about sex work in the context of heterosexual individuals. However, when we got to the section on pornography, we did extensive work on gay pornography, including watching clips and documentaries that showed explicit scenes of anal and oral sex between two men. We had seen many of these sorts of clips between heterosexual couples, so it only seemed logical that if I have to be subjected to watching heterosexual sex, then the rest of the (presumably straight-identified) class should have to watch gay sex.I was looking forward to analyzing a type of sex that I am used to, yet was also worried that the class reception would be overtly homophobic and only serve to invalidate my own sexual desires. As the clip was starting I held my breath. The two boys start kissing. I look around the room. Everyone is still watching and no one is squeaming in their seats yet. Clothes start coming off. People are still watching. The oral sex begins. Everyone is still watching. I am shocked. Even the straight-identified men in the room are still looking. However, there's still more to go. The anal sex starts. People are still watching with their academic eye. Not at all the reaction I was expecting. Then one of the boys sucks on another ones toes. The class erupts in an expression of disgust.
Gayle Rubin, in her transformative essay "Thinking Sex: Notes for a Radical Theory of the Politics of Sexuality," describes a hierarchy of sexual acts with heterosexual, monogamous sex on one end and fetishistic sex on the other. She states that "as a result of the sex conflicts of the last decade, some behavior near the border is inching across it." Has our society advanced to the point where gay sex is seen as an appropriate form of sex?
While I do think the positive reception in my class is due to the progressive nature of my classmates and not an overall societal advancement in sexual thought, I do think that we have come a long way in destigmatizing sex between members of the same sex. In the six years since sodomy was deemed unconstitutional in Lawrence v. Texas our society has gradually become open to all types of sex between consenting adults. I hope that in the future, we will only an increase in the acceptance of all types of consensual sex acts.
"If it's one of my main identifiers, I shouldn’t feel bad about that. I don’t think it’s so bad." -Ari Bar-Mashiah on being gay
As I've done with several Duke students younger than I am, I have watched Ari transform into a strong individual, one who is much stronger than he realizes. Ari isn’t out to his family, but still provides an incredible force in our community at Duke. He rattled off a list of reasons to me about why he hasn’t come out yet to his family but he knows most of them are just excuses. We’ll all have our fingers crossed that Ari can have the strength this Winter Break to finally begin the conversations with his parents and siblings.He’s a self-described social butterfly, but anyone who knows him would agree. In high school he was involved in many activities, but was only out to a select few. Although there was a GSA (Gay-Straight Alliance), Ari refers to it as SAG, the straight alliance for gay people. No one identified as gay. He didn’t like being closeted, but always had a hard time reconciling the way gays are portrayed in the media. He didn’t think people could be intelligent and gay at the same time.
Coming to Duke, and particularly his experiences with Project Build, paved the way for Ari’s integration to the LGBT Center and it’s social activities. For Ari, the LGBT community at Duke was much more than he had at home and for that he is “very, very thankful.” He says, “You wish there was always more, or at least, more out. If I would want to see something, I would want to see more gay couples holding hands, the peck on the cheek when they go to class on the Plaza. When it comes to the community, they’re not to blame. It’s the other students, and the stuff we have to deal with, like ripping down flags, it’s the bridge incident or the bench incident. I really love the LGBT community here.”
Ari takes a moment and gives tribute to another Center frequenter. It was so sweet and so true it needs to be shared here in this blog. I believe we should all take a moment and think about those we look up to and pay tribute wherever we can.
“There is no one here that I appreciate more in the LGBT community than Jack. By far. By far. By far. Jack has allowed me to feel more comfortable with myself, because I see how comfortable he is. He’s so unafraid. People can be inspiring in so many different ways, by being active and forward and political, and you see them being proactive. Jack is the silent fighter, he doesn’t have to say a word. It makes me so much more comfortable to come here.”
Ari is great at making people laugh and finds ways of relating to everyone. I asked Ari what his favorite LGBT event was at Duke. Here’s what he said: “You know what I fucking love? Fab Friday. I love Fab Friday. There’s so many good things at once. It’s Friday, I just got out of classes, and I see all these amazing people. You see people that you may only see once a week. And Jack makes great food.”
I know we’re all grateful for what Ari has added to our community, and it truly is a joy to see him grow and learn from the other wonderful people who support him.
Stay tuned to learn more about Ari next Thursday, and I promise there will be photos next time (y’all know how busy the last week of classes gets, cut me some slack!).
Party Boy Chad, Psychosexual Revelations, G-Bombs, and Other Thoughts
As seems to happen in any class with sex on the syllabus, we ended up on the topic of the hook-up culture in my psych discussion section. It was the last one of the semester; I guess they figured they’d go out with a bang. We were assigned a few articles to read on the subject, some on research conducted by old white men in sterile laboratories, some on the findings of researchers who had actually been adventurous enough to go out into the field and take surveys. (Or so I gathered from reading the intro and conclusion, all I had time for before rushing to class.) All were dealing with straight couples, and the issues that they had as a result of anonymous sexual interaction.
It was one of the liveliest discussions our group has had. I hadn’t read the articles very thoroughly (i.e. not at all), so I sat back and took in what was going on around me. I’d heard it all before: the effects of alcohol, risk of disease, sexual assault, emotional issues. These are all serious subjects, but from the way the conversation was going, I was beginning to believe that only heteros had to deal with all that icky stuff. Whew, what a relief! Oh…wait…
My first chance to tie the conversation to the LGBT community came soon. As I thought about what I was going to say, my heart began to pound and my hands began to slightly shake. “This shouldn’t be happening to me” I thought, “I don’t give a fuck if these people know I’m gay. I don’t give a damn that Party Boy Chad and his Brohammer are sitting next to me, sharing stories about their experiences and perspectives, so that everyone in the class know how brotastic they are”. But I had already missed my chance, the discussion had moved on. I would have to wait to interject gaily at some other point in the conversation.
Its funny to me that after being out for so long, after marching in pride parades, having walked hand in hand with a boyfriend across campus- hell, after coming out to my African American Christian Republican parents- that coming out again in certain situations still gives me a little rush of adrenaline. And it is not always fear that makes my heart flutter. Sometimes, its genuine excitement, anticipation of a reaction, that makes coming out almost like a game. Other times it’s the insecurity of not knowing whether a teacher will be biased against an openly gay student, or if my project partner will want to switch groups. It had started out as the former this time, but I will admit, I was a little nervous. Whatever it is, coming out, something that even openly LGBT individuals have to do, is still always a noteworthy occasion in my day.
I did eventually get my chance to speak again in class. I broached the subject apparently just before my TA did. I started by stating that I believe feelings about hooking up should be thought of on a more individual basis, and that the statements “guy/girls always do/feel___” didn’t really make sense to me. I told the class that I’d always had friends of both sexes who consistently did non-stereotypical things and held non-stereotypical beliefs. I also mentioned that while the conversation was obviously talking about heterosexual relationships, there was a significant group not being represented.
My TA smiled, nodded, looked down at her list of questions and said the next one that she had planned on asking was: What are people’s perceptions of the LGBT hook-up culture at Duke? Party Boy Chad said under his breath (in that tone) “I have no idea”, preemptively clarifying the fact that, if he hadn’t made it clear before, he was not a homosexual.
I sat quietly for a moment to gauge the class reaction, also curious what others had to say. Being in the class for a semester (actually after about a week), I had come to the conclusion that I was the only openly gay individual. After a time I spoke up, all eyes turning to me as I said jokingly, “I guess I’ll go”. The fact that I was gay hadn’t come up, and I wouldn’t say I’m (always) “obvious”, so I felt like it was a surprise for those who hadn’t suspected, or even noticed me in the class before. I went on to explain some of my perceptions about the LGBT community at Duke: that by the simple logistical fact of there being less LGBT individuals, the selection pool was obviously more limited, that it wasn’t as easy to find a place where you could find someone (Shooters isn’t exactly catering to LGBT clientele), that for those not out, dating was a lot more difficult, that the prospects of long term relationships when marriage wasn’t at the end of the rainbow were maybe a little more complicated. When I stopped talking, hands slowly began to rise. We went on to discuss the ways in which society seemed to be changing, with more people feeling comfortable identifying, and people coming out younger. Some sympathized with the difficulties that LGBT individuals face, bringing up friends, family, or just people they knew of who were out or still in the closet. Someone asked whether or not coming out was a maturity thing. In my opinion it's not (and has much more to do with circumstance), but that the straight person who asked couldn't see why one wouldn't come out in college as heartening in some strange way. The class also seemed pretty supportive in general, and the TA definitely was, wrapping the discussion up by endorsing LGBT rights.
What I find interesting about the episode are my reactions and that of the class. Not having come out to anyone in some time, I was reminded again of what dropping the g-bomb felt like, and surprised that even in the relatively harmless environment of that classroom, how many emotions the act could elicit. While I wasn’t expecting a storm of hate speech following my admission, I was pleasantly surprised by my peers’ mostly positive reactions. Even Chad (I hope his name really isn’t Chad, I have no idea) listened respectfully, and made a comment, of which I can only remember that the gist was an affirming one. I’ll admit it may have been my own pre-judgment that assumed things about his character and beliefs based on minimal interaction. I think it is good for me to be reminded of struggles I’ve been through, to better empathize with those going through them now. And I love it when I’m reminded that maybe Duke is changing, right before my eyes, and perhaps the real world along with it.
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